I hate the damn JCP
I am boiling with resentment today. I usually consider myself a rational person. However, I am going to rant and let it all vent out. If I offend anyone or come across as crazy, I apologize. I do love my DH and care for my SD. I do. That being said:
DH you SUCK AND I SOOOO RESENT YOU RIGHT NOW.
Why the HELL would you sign that biased and horrid JCP? You signed a right of first refusal with NO TIME FRAME. I legally CANNOT take your SD ANYWHERE without you. I AM CONSIDERED A THIRD PARTY. I CANNOT watch her while you go to the gym. I CANNOT take her out shopping without you. YOUR JCP GIVES YOUR EX WIFE ALL THE POWER. You are an IDIOT. You have essentially NO medical rights over her, and she limited all of your rights (If both parties disagree after full disclosure, the mother has the final say). Hex interprets this to mean, "Your opinion doesn't matter, I have the final say". I cannot legally have a glass of wine while your SD is in the house, even though neither you or I have a DUI or history of alcoholism. It's all vague, horribly worded and hex only has to notify you "in a timely manner" which she equates to mean an hour or less. You signed it because you wanted to "get it over with" and your (then) lawyer said it would be easy to modify. HE LIED. THIS IS THE LAW AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW. You blindly signed it all without thinking of the future and the fact you might marry again. And hey, fool that I was- I didn't even read the damn thing until we were engaged. I was so stupid. I resent the stupid JCP. and guess what? Just because hex breaks it by not telling you about doctors appts, breaks the ROFR by letting her mom take SD places without telling you or spend the night, and hides doctors bills to pretend the apt never happened, doesn't mean jack shit. It is still LAW. YOU BOTH BREAK THE JCP. YOU BOTH HATE IT, YET YOU BOTH SIGNED IT. Dr. Evil threw EVERY "control clause" in there. You both are idiots. Congratulations.
And now I'm going to be a total bitch and say it: Why should my life revolve around someone who is here only EOWE and one weekday? Why do we "wait until SD is here"? Why do I have to pick up the slack and deal with all of this BS? Why????
Sometimes I look at my life and wonder what I did to deserve being a SM. I was such a Pollyanna. I resent my DH for having all of this baggage. I resent the fact our daughter doesn't have her own room, yet SD does. I am having "one of those days" where I am angry and resentful. I need a drink.
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Comments
Wow! So sorry. He did
Wow! So sorry. He did something beyond stupid!!!!! Since he signed it, follow it. Never watch his kid. Period.
Exactly!
Exactly!
What a horribly frustrating
What a horribly frustrating situation--I'm so sorry! He made HIS bed--let HIM lie in it. Agreed, he signed it--let him deal with as many of the repercussions as you can.
You are absolutely right. No
You are absolutely right. No sense in being annoyed with things I cannot change.
My DH's divorce decree was
My DH's divorce decree was very cut and dry. BM had full legal and physical custody. DH didn't really know to ask for joint legal and they lived far enough away from each other that joint physical custody was not an option. I don't think ROFR was even addressed.
So, he was basically an EOWE father with no say in his daughter's life. But honestly, even had it been laid out different in the divorce, BM would have still done whatever she pleased. So, BM wanted total control? Fine, she could also have total responsibility. All she wanted to do was use SD to manipulate him, anyway. And he didn't let her.
Some of this stuff can come back to bite your DH's ex in the ass. I mean, if DH has to work, you cannot watch SD and BM cannot force DH to take her for his time. She wants to hide doctor bills, I guess that means she's paying for all of them?
Why does SD have her own room there and your bio doesn't, if SD is only there EOWE?
Your life does NOT have to revolve around SD and you do NOT have to pick up the slack. He did this, he can deal with it. Have that drink.
She has her own room because
She has her own room because this is the house DH moved into when he and hex divorced. So SD has alway had her own room. The other bedroom is used as my DHs office. My DD sleeps in a crib in our master bedroom
DH is thinking when DD turns a year old she can sleep in the room with SD. This sounds like a bad idea to me
I just think we should move
Lol, that's the only control
Lol, that's the only control clause that isn't in there!
Joint custody plan
Joint custody plan
My husband has a lot of
My husband has a lot of stupid things in his CO as well and he signed it to get it over with. There's stuff in there about me (I'm not named but it points to me and our DD). He didn't even put up a fight. He just wanted it done.
I hate the lawyer my husband used. He's such a pussy and doesn't want to fight anything. I've told my husband so many times to get a second opinion but he doesn't want to waste more time and money on this stuff. It's so frustrating.
I'm so surprised that your husband's lawyer allowed some of the stuff that's in his. The ROFR with no timeline is bizarre. No drinking around the skids either, with no reason to have it in there? Wow. And it might as well just flat out say that the mother has all decision-making ability.
No wine? No worries....there
No wine? No worries....there is still beer, vodka, whiskey, rum, mead, tequila.....
Nobody has to know what is in
Nobody has to know what is in the coffee mug.
SD figured it out once. I
SD figured it out once. I left it on the counter, she smelled it and stuck her fingers in it; She then freaked out.
I told her it was leftover communion wine. I might be going to hell for that. It seemed to appease her though.
"Neither party shall be under the influence or in the presence of drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or mood altering perscription medication when the child is present and neither will a third party." Technically this can include thanksgiving dinners, cookouts, or even restaurants, depending on how one interprets this.
My hex threw a BUNCH of crap in. I honestly didn't know you could legit tailor it and limit the rights of the other the way she did. The problem is she also shot herself in the foot with the ROFR because DH has called the cops on her twice when she sent Sd to her mothers to spend the night without first informing him. She is under the assumption it does not apply to her because she is mother and has final day on all care for the child.
DHs last lawyer SUCKED.
So if you or dh needs to have
So if you or dh needs to have surgery, no pain pills?
Seriously, I have never heard of so much say in someone's home. I would just want to say bye bye stepkid. Go stay with mom. Have DH see her for a much date here or there. Forget coming into my home, as an adult, I will do as I please in my home.
That's pretty much how I feel
That's pretty much how I feel .
Yeah...dr evil is having some sort of surgery this summer that will put her under (SD volunteered this info) sooooo no idea how she is going to be around SD if surgery is during her week. And she can't send SDs to her moms because of the ROFR....so this will be interesting in how she plans on getting around this. There's no way in hell she will offer DH extra time.
This is why I hate when he
This is why I hate when he bemoans the JCp. He signed it with no gun to his head. I'm the only one who can complain about it lol, I would NEVER have signed such a document.