After a two week break, the crazy has commenced...
Friday Text messages:
DH: I went to go pay my portion for januarys daycare this morning. SD was not there.
Hex: I decided not to have sd at daycare today.
DH: ok. if SD is not at daycare, where is she?
Hex: why should you know or care?
DH: I'm her father. And according to the JCP, neither party should conceal the child's location unless in the event of danger. You are also supposed to notify me in the event she in the care of a third party, and ask if I want to care for her instead. I have the right to know where my daughter is!
Hex: are you going to make a scene and call the cops again? Please stop trying to control the situation. You are being controlling.
DH: I will ask one last time, where is my daughter?
Hex: she is here with me. I took today off.
DH: okay
It's so stupid, it's laughable. This is the SAME f*** - f*** game, different week. Except usually she drags it out longer with more vague responses. It's like she feeds off of this s*** , having the control, dangling it in front of DH, then accusing him of being controlling only to finally give him the answer. SHE is the one who threw in all the control clauses, so why does she pull the control card when he just wants the CO followed?
Fifteen bucks says SD was with hexs mom. SD hates daycare, and DH hates hexs mom (and wants to spend time with SD) so this is how the tomfoolery happens. Hex wants SD with her mom and not DH. This why ROFR does not work with them, nor will co-parenting, 50/50, etc. too much "why do you want to know/you don't need to know/you are controlling/ok fine I will give you the answer". It's the SAME pattern every time. Then hex will try and do the same here: "what is going on over there/SD tells me XYZ/you are not parenting in the way you should be and as the mother I have the final say." which is followed by DH not responding.
Radio silence.
The less DH communicates, the more it fuels the crazy. She HAS to tease him with the proverbial carrot-time with SD. She HAS to throw in that she is the final say regarding decisions. I truly think on some sick level as much as she hates him, she enjoys it. She enjoys exerting control over the situation. The more he communicates, the more she blames him. "SD hits her friend at DHs house? Hmm...that must be a negative environment for her over there." "SD tripped and fell and needed an ice pack? As a doctor, I am worried about SDs medical safety. This is concerning to me, especially when SD is at DHs for longer than a day." She enjoys twisting it all. She likes this game of one upmanship. She LIKES sending long, rambling emails about what DH does wrong and how she is right. It's how she feels good about herself or something. You can't co-parent with crazy.
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She is not really a doctor or
She is not really a doctor or is she? There are a lot of people in this world that have extreme control issues. Sadly, my DH is one of them. Lot of it is little shit. It can get old.
I am blessed as all Skids are adults. We are past forking out extreme funds for OSS35...keep up with the Jones wedding rehearsal dinner. SD is married now and doing well YSS25 is doing good but still lived with BM.
MIL has passed away...God rest her soul. We do not have the issue of handle her needs.
Thinking 2015 is going to a great new beginning for DH and I. Now, the price of gas is scary with DH working in the oilfield. One day at time. We are drama free as in reference to Skids and BM.
HUGS TO YOU!
She is a doctor. Apparently
She is a doctor. Apparently there are crazy people in all professions.
I am glad you are looking at a stress free 2015!![Smile](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/smile.gif)
If he wants more time with
If he wants more time with his daughter then he could go to court and get more time, that way it is court ordered and would have a set routine rather than trying to rely on rofr and him trying to dig for information about where SD is so that he can claim rofr.
That is what is about to
That is what is about to happen. ROFR does not work for them at all.
I'm sorry that sounds like a
I'm sorry
that sounds like a complete mess. I am so glad that ROFR was something that was left out of my DH & BM's CO. It would be an absolute nightmare. As it is, what happens with SD7 at either house is largely uncontrollable by the other parent. SD has the freedom to stay at her grandparents' houses (bio and step), with aunts/uncles, etc. She just does it on the respective parent's time. Honestly, I think that's what's best for SD - to get to develop relationships with ALL members of her families.
I know there are some instances where ROFR works well, and is the best thing for the child. But ours certainly isn't one of them.
ROFR works best for two
ROFR works best for two parties that actually want to co-parent. Not two parents who hate each other's living guts and don't want the child to go to the other party,
No idea why the judge agreed to it. Hex wanted it in there, she got it. But apparently she feels it doesn't apply to her. Sigh.
This is why I caution people about ROFR. The principle behind it is great-but it gets misused and then you have to go into stalker mode or call the cops to prove it,
That happened here too. She
That happened here too. She only wants them so they can't be with him, and I'd call his largely political because they aren't with HIM anyway- they're with me. But ROFR is a great theory... I can tell you this, BM doesn't think ANYTHING applies to her.
She sounds like the BM I use
She sounds like the BM I use to deal with. A sociopath and it can be scary. Until we took control away from her and got sole legal & physical custody, but of course my BM went totally bat shit crazy. Good luck to y'all
You are always right.
You are always right.
I swear to god our hexs are
I swear to god our hexs are twins. It's a bad feeling knowing there are two identical crazy women in this world.
I hate having this woman in my life. I leave the house and go in the backyard when SD calls her every night. The BS is too much, the more removed from it the saner I feel.
Bingo! Exactly! Twins? How
Bingo! Exactly! Twins? How about triplets? BM in my life is yet another, i am assuming, older version of the same model: hers are the only rights/needs/interests that matter; anyone else can take a hike. Enmeshed with her 3 kids, she is always the one made to suffer greatly by the awful DH who wants her to follow the most unbelievably predatory CO our post-divorce laywer ( who was not involved in the divorce itself) has ever seen. And he does nothing but family court cases!
I had a period of deep depression when i realized - a few months before we got married - what that horrid CO *really* says. If DH dies without a will, everything he owns individually OR jointly goes to his kids. He must have provisions in his will that more stuff goes to the kids. He must pay for their car insurance on top of alimony and CS. He was an idiot to sign off on that agreement.
Interestingly, now that we are deep into the college tuition debacle the CO comes across as the saving grace and a shining light because it tells BM she must do things too: pay her pro-rata share of skids humongous college costs, for one. It limits CS to the age of 21 ( not great, but not the worst scenario either). We are finally using it as a weapon to nail BM to the wall! Guess what? She is not happy - she feels DH is being - you guessed it - very controlling and the demand that she disclose her business bank accounts and records is an invasion of her privacy! Who knew??? DH's privacy is not important, hers is all that matters. She does not know how to respect anyone else's privacy, motherhood or anything else. She is too busy pointing out that hers are to be given special attention.
"She enjoys twisting it all. She likes this game of one upmanship. She LIKES sending long, rambling emails about what DH does wrong and how she is right. It's how she feels good about herself or something. You can't co-parent with crazy."
Been there, done that. Oh no, you cannot co-parent. How old is your SD? Our BM not only used to send long abusive emails about her being Mother Theresa and DH being a jerk, she also got her new GF ( now wife, they are lesbians) into the game - fresh narcissitic supply made to sing for her supper. I remember she forwarded us a disgustingly cloying email from the GF, a BM-wannabe, who told the skids not to listen to us when we expressed our expectations as we did not know what we were talking about bc they were the sweetest, greatest human beings that ever lived. BM must have had a field day. She got off bigtime on that stuff. She had her "eyewitness" testify by email that BM does it right, while we are sooo wrong. "She is all about the children". Her children: during my first and only face to face with her she made a negative remark about *my* 11yo son's looks - in lieu of hello.
For about 18 months now that we have designated our lawyer as her only outlet her diatribes have been less frequent and more subdued.
The worst thing is, the skids are as disturbed as she is, just less experienced at abusing others, but learning fast. Same entitlement, same need to control, same narcissistic rages. Same readiness to toe the line Crazy has drawn in the sand. My poor DH... The four monsters who have discarded him after years of brainwashing him to believe BM's deluded lies.
I hope your DH is able to maintain stronger ties to his daughter.
Oh god I'm sorry pilgrim SD
Oh god I'm sorry pilgrim![Sad](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/sad.gif)
SD is almost 9, so 9 more years of this. I'm glad you are almost out of the tunnel.