Please. Just this post, don't be assholes. I'm actually really struggling. I have had it made very clear to me the last 3 weeks how little I matter. DH has broken more agreements then I can count. He has not left our bed for the last week and a half except to go to SDs. He has shown me where on fall in importantance for Christmas. I get very little from him through out the year. Like maybe 4-5 things. Thousands have been spent on others to show them how much he loves them. Other people get time spent on him looking for presents. I get "oh, she likes this team I'll buy her this. There is very little thought. He has started talking to DD about our marriage. He bought another woman underware. I'm sitting here trying not to loose it. Im no longer "needed" SGD isn't here and he is on disability. So he doesn't need a babysitter, and I am starting to question why he married me. Sooooo I beg you, no assholes. Not tonight. Tonight I need a hug.

A month ago I approached DH. I told him I knew he would probably want to get SGD a Christmas present but all I ask, there are 4 kids in that house. The others already see he only takes SGD to lunch and movies. Please don't do it on Christmas. Make them all equals.
He agreed. Told me he wasn't wven worried about it until we finished up this house.
The day we finished he brought up shopping today. So we all went. He told me SD got my kids a little something so we need to get all of hers. No problem
Got YSD and her BF their gifts as they are spending the night Christmas Eve.
We got SGS9, SGS8, SGD2 theirs. Then DH wants to get SGD a 14K gold necklace. I reminded him,we spent xx on the others. To get SGD a 14k gold necklace after that, is crazy. So, he gets her a necklace. We get home, he says"so, we are all done?" Yep DH. Done.
I go off to help DD clean her shower as it was plugged up, landlord just got it fixed but there is soapskum from it not draining right.
He comes in and shows me a really nice Jewerly box. Told me he just bought it online for SGD. I said, well, the cost of that is double what we spent on the other 3. DD11, said (her nickname for DH) I agree and smiled. I told her to mind her business and she told him she was sorry. We get back to cleaning and DH told DD well after what we spent on you, I think this is nothing. And walked away
Later outside I told him what he said to DD was uncalled for. He told me that I started it because I shouldn't have said anything in front of her. I should have keep my mouth shut at that point BUT I repli with, NO. You started it the day you took DD to the store and talked to her about our marital fight. If you don't want her to think she can talk to you about her opinions about stuff like that, leave her out of it ALL.
I also told him He needs to pick a view and stick with it. 3 weeks ago he was yelling at me for buying bios boots because "we" should do it together. And even though I am the one that said rather then just buy them winter boots let's make it Christmas presents, he flipped out on me. Told me we should do all the shopping together. Since then he has bought another woman underware without a word to me, picked out YSDs (kids got her a couple little things today) and then this crap with the jewelry box. I told him, if you say something to me and we make agreement, I expect you to keep it. If you can't, then don't agree because due to the amount of agreements you have broken in the last 5 months, I don't trust you to do what you say. He went on how I don't get it. He raised her all by himself for 8 years. I looked at him and told him, I heard him say that to someone else recently but that doesn't work on me. He raised her for all of 1 year in 2 different 6 month periods before we met. He didn't even have the gardenship done when I met him. I raised my kids alone for a lot longer and I don't call them my team member.
He told me, I just wanted to buy her something else and you don't inderstand. I told him, the number of times you have done something "special" for SGD and left the boys out is high enough. We had agreed all of them would be treated the same for Christmas and you just can't. The sad thing is this isn't even about her, it's about you. We could have gotten each kid 5 presents and you would have made sure she had 7.
His response.." Fuck this" and stormed off.
I called my counselor. He has spoken with DH alone and with me there. My counselor has told me DH is overly emeshed in SGD. He has an unhealthy level of attachment to her. He treats her as if she is her partner. DH worries only if she is happy and knows that he loves her. Counselor told me his desire for SGD to know he loves her, is alarming. DH told the counselor (my counselor, no patient confidence as DH was there for me) that he doesn't care if SGD loves him or respects him. And my counselor straight out told me tonight, my husband is married and it is not to me. He is not emotional available for a marriage. Counselor is concerned that now that SGD is gone, DH is talking about our marriage to DD. With DD she tells me everything so we know what was said. But how long has DH being talking about our marriage to the kids?? It wouldn't be a far leap to think that SGD was his emotional support and they bashed me together.
Counselor told me, either DH gets help... Or my marriage will end. Actually made the suggestion that I see who would help me with the kids when I start my new job in February and I start planning on DH not moving with me.
I've never understood why DH acts like he does about SGD. We set a birthday budget.. Hers is last and he spends $150 more on her. We set a back to school budget, he spends $200 more on her. We set rules with consequences and my kids get consequences and she gets "warned" 15 times. Counselor told me, DH is in an abusive relationship cycle. He might not be able to brack it. Since he was single, he had to find someone to fill the gap. It just so happened to be a kid, who would make him her slave, her maid, her personal shopper and scream, hit and insult him. DHs job was to make " it better". Then I came along and they gained a target, a scapegoat.
Oh. I didn't tell you all. You know how I found out about the boxers?!?! DH was rambling, told me he was looking for boxers and underware for DD but decided it was weird. I told him, your deal with underware is weird. You spent 11 hours at back to school shopping time picking out SGDs underware, you have bought BS boxers (yes ladies, boxers are not underware. But he bought BS boxers as underware... Makes sense, right?!???) you bought me underware a couple of months ago because you wanted to see them on me...and now your looking at underware for DD????? Don't. Apparently that seemed like the perfect time to go OH, guess what I got friend. I'll show you. TA DA ... Boxers. For my best friend. Was his friend first. But she is normal. He married, she married and she barely talks to him now. He texts her once in awhile, but otherwise no contact. Deal is... This is the woman he paid $76 in shipping to get her favorite ice cream from Texas shipped while she was pregnant. Buys and has Amazon send her random gifts. I brought up going to a concert last year. Nothing. Texted him that her and I were looking but they were sold out. And bam he found and bought tickets. Next tickets he bought "me" was her favorite group. It got drunk last Christmas (didn't have the kids, they were at BFs) and ended up making the comment to him that I think he has a thing for her.
What do you do when you look over your marriage and realize everyone else has always been more important. He says "I show my love by buying people things I think they would love". I get the least. He puts zero effort into our relationship. Goes to lunch with me??? Rolls out of bed, gets dressed brushes his teeth and ready. Goes anywhere with anyone else, he showers and shaves and puts on cologne and dresses nice. He is talking to DD more then me. Don't want to say it out loud but I'm starting to get creep vide. Not sexual but emotionally leaning on my 11 yr old.