Everything's still lousy but now I have the future MIL to contend with. It's just never ending bs.

Short update: Counselling commenced with FSD16 and FSS13. Some minor progress. Counselor thinks BM is a "lazy mom". No kidding. However except for FSS13 at least treating me in a civil manner, not much changed. FSD16 still avoiding me and allowing her mother and older sister to practice the PASing.

In regards to Future MIL, please read prior blog from AUGUST (yes we are now in December and still this is going on). Instead of contacting her son out of concern that he felt she was treating him with disdain and disrespect, FMIL freaked out, went off on a name calling and insulting tirade that is so bad to this day he refuses to say what she said about me although apparently one of the names I was called was "stupid". We haven't spoken except for the occasional email in months. FDH has explained multiple times what happened and why I said what I did (requesting she stop acting like he is the household idiot). She still refuses to openly apologize. K, fine, whatever.

First wtf moment came at beginning of Oct when future inlaws took FSS13 to celebrate his 13th bday at IHOP. MIL sends pics of kid and them to numerous immediate family members, my FDH, AND THE BM. I am conspicuously missing from this email. FDH points this out to his mother, explaining how this looks and how rude it is considering that FSS and I at least are on civil terms now. She protests ignorance and she never thought about it that way and it wasn't anything personal. (No, FDH and I were not at the dinner - was during week)

Then I got a punch in the gut. Shortly before Thanksgiving, BM and her boyfriend went to FMIL and FFIL's house to pick up a 20 gal fish tank for FSS13 they were giving him. BM has no contact with them except for the occasional phone call or bumping into them at a kid event. BM and FDH's mother were never close and they got into quite a few screaming bouts I have been told. BM only went because she originally ordered FDH to bring it, he said ask me nicely and she said fine, I'll do it myself. He said, uh, okay :), no skin off my nose. While there, FFIL invited BM and her boyfriend (who she shacked up with before she and FDH were even divorced and tried to hide him from FDH) inside for a BEER. FSS13 informed FDH that day that he'd gotten texts from BM stating that they stayed for DINNER at FFIL/FMIL's because supposedly FMIL was so worried about them driving with alcohol and on an empty stomach.

So you haven't spoken to your son's future wife, who he's been with for nearly 6 years because you have your undies in a twist that she SUPPORTED your son and demanded you treat him with respect and stop criticizing his every move with his kids and you've already made her feel like she's the devil just like the grandkids have, for MONTHS, and you know your son and his ex wife cant stand the sight of each other, your son's fiancé and the ex wife hate each other, your grandkids are creating major stress and drama for no reason, but you feel it's appropriate to invite this woman and her boyfriend into your home like guests and break bread with them.

This woman asked for a divorce on your son's birthday. Cheated on him and even moved in with the boyfriend while your son was trying to get his marriage back together. She went through a midlife crisis and basically partied away while your son and his fiancé tried to make life normal for your grandkids, took your son to the cleaners over money and stretched divorce out over 2 years, just years of bs. She effectively turned your son's oldest daughter against him and is now doing a dandy job on the middle daughter.

But hey, let's do the one thing every person knows is meant to be a significant thing. Have a drink and food together. Do you eat with someone you hate? How about a dinner date. Power lunches. Let's grab a beer. Wanna meet me for coffee? Tea?

All evidence points to BM being overjoyed at this development. Not because she gives a rat's ass about her former inlaws, of course not. But because it's one more arrow directed at me. She won't even help pay for her half of her daughter's counseling even when she originally promised to do so. Says it's all my fault so she won't pay a dime.

FDH calls his parents and asks what the hell. They act all surprised, usual defensive lines that oh, not what we intended, relax, not a big deal, overreacting.

Of course, once again, it's MY fault for being hurt and feeling marginalized. My ex inlaws would NEVER do that to my ex. I would be horrified if they did. But of course, it's never their fault. And gee, if it REALLY wasn't intentional, why wouldn't you sincerely apologize? Guess I didn't squeeze out a biokid for them so I will always be on bottom rung.