Yeah. I didn't think so. I find it somewhat sad and amusing that some bloggers/posters choose to rip apart or be overly critical of the decisions of some OPs and their SOs made in beginning of their relationships.

I certainly don't remember any manual or class or instructions available from the courts or any schools or agencies on how to deal with dating again after divorce, finding someone you truly fall in love with and navigating the treacherous roads involved. We all make mistakes and try to do the best we can with what we have. Unless you are a total lunatic or asshole, no one wants the children in pain or a drama-filled situation. There are hundreds of books written by regular people and so called experts. Some demand the adults to kowtow to every whimper of the poor little angels whose lives are destroyed by their selfish parents who had the nerve to divorce.

There's a lot of DH bashing here too. I get it, Disney dads and guilt, men who want their new spouse to be the mommy fill in. I get it, I really do. But for every one of those clowns (who by the way MAY BE DOING THE BEST HE CAN WITH WHAT HE HAS OR KNOWS, there's a man who was and still is a good father and good mate yet circumstances are stacked against him, sometimes even by us new wives/stepmoms.

Advice and thoughtful consideration of facts is welcome. Slamming or judgement is NOT.

Not every step situation is a nightmare. Some do work. My ex husband and I divorced because we grew apart. He is a good man but has his issues. We both agree our divorce was best. We both have worked hard to make sure our 3 biokids are taken care of in every way but especially mentally and emotionally. We don't hand our kids everything and make sure they respect both of us. They also know that Mom and Dad make the damn rules. And my FDH is highly regarded by my ex husband. Out of his own mouth my ex told me my fiancé is my kids' second dad and he is honored to have him be in our kids life.

I also tried hard in the beginning to make sure my biokids respected their stepmom both during their courtship and subsequent marriage. Unfortunately, due to issues my ex created in his relationship (not being entirely truthful about finances and other omissions for example), she turned on my kids and me. I stayed out as much as possible and STILL demanded no matter how angry my kids got that they respect her as an adult and their stepmother.

My kids have almost zero blowback from the divorce. They love all of us unconditionally and are respectful and loving. We worked hard to make this happen and yes we screwed up at times. Again THERES NO ROADMAP OR MANUAL FOR ANY OF THIS.

So since this is a website that is supposed to show compassion and share experiences, how about we think before we post or at least try to word it in a way that is helpful not condemning.

Oh and for those mortally offended I told my kids about my and my fiancé's agreement about analyzing if our relationship is good for all involved and if not, we would break up? I don't keep secrets from my kids and I value their input. I don't allow them to make my decisions for me however. My fiancé and I don't keep secrets from each other. There's full disclosure. Does it hurt sometimes? Are there unintended consequences at times? Hell yes. But funny how it's worked for both bios and steps for nearly 4 years until we got engaged and suddenly my future steps got their undies in a twist. That's bs and I stand by what I've done.

ADULTS MAKE THE RULES NOT THE CHILDREN.