I just wouldn't even have talked to SO. I love him and he's my family but if it never would have started in the first place there would be nothing lost. I had a strict "no single dads" rule and I let myself break it. That's the bad thing about leaving the kids out of it for too long... You get attached before seeing the reality.

The first time his daughter showed her miniwife-ness I would have ran screaming. SD18 (14 at the time) scolded me that my son spilled bee-bees on the floor and GS5 (1.5 at the time) put one in his mouth. She went on and on about having to clean up the bee-bees. I said "Oh he's in that stage where he puts everything in his mouth." And she argued with me and kept pointing out how irresponsible my son was. In that very moment he had something sparkly in his mouth and I made him spit it on my hand and low and behold it was 2 very large round earrings of hers. I stayed when I shouldn't have many times with DH. Things have smoothed out and are a lot better than they were 4 years ago, but if I had to do over I would have kept my house and not moved in with him.

I would have waited to start the relationship and move in together. We started dating before the divorce was over (she cheated on him and wanted the divorce) and moved in waaay to soon. He wasn't over her yet. I could have saved myself a lot of hurt.

When DSO took custody of his 3, I would have made him find his own place as opposed to, well we can try this but if it doesn't work, you have to find your own place.

On our second date my ex told me that he had a 6 hour-long phone conversation with his mother after we went out on our first date.

I should have run for the hills after hearing that.

1- I would have realized I was help, not love.
2- I would have realized I was the one reading the parenting books, trying trying trying, and he was the one who coasted and let issues slid by.
3- I would have insisted his youngest get testing and help. Not keep his head in the sand that "his baby is perfect"
4- Not move in so soon.
5- Work out my issues about feeling second to the ex before marrying.
6- Filed for an annulment when I found out he lied to me about 150K of debt. We openly discussed finances prior to marriage and he hid this from me.

I would've nipped that mini-wife shit in the bud immediately!! Would've stopped the sleeping with daddee..stopped the holding daddees hand everywhere..sitting on daddees lap.. all of it would've been stopped. No way would I have let it go on for so long if I knew then, what I know now.

I would've run screaming when I heard the words.."family meeting" uttered..because I know now that this meant "lets all listen to SD and coddle her sensitive feelings.." instead of the usual family meeting where focus is on EVERYONE and not just one particular person.

I wished that I wouldn't have gotten married to DH. I had hit a dry spell and felt it was him or no one. Now I know that marriage to an immature, selfish, delusional man with kids was never worth giving up my freedom, even though life as a single mother wasn't easy. I just wish that I had never met DH and his progeny at all. Pretty much every aspect of my life is great except for anything and everything that has to do with SS. He ruins everything. I was trying to tough it out until he graduates HS, but now it looks like he may get held back a year. The thought of one more year getting added on to my step hell sentence is nearly unbearable.

I would have waited longer for him to move in with me. I would have not expended as much energy on the skids as I did. Why should I care more for kids not biologically related to me than their own bio parents seem to??