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Evil stepmonster's picture

Submitted by Evil stepmonster on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 2:57pm

https://www.yahoo.com/health/5-surprising-ways-stress-messes-with-your-h...

^^They might be killing me^^
Believe it or not, I use to be a fun healthy person. I use to look at any problem and try to find the silver lining. I use to look at any negative situation as a life lesson.
Now, I've been told by many I'm not so fun any more. I have gained weight and don't realy feel like doing alot of the stuff I use to, with my kids, my friends, or myself. Last night I had time to myself, I was shocked too; and I began thinking of the times people told me this and wondering why I am no longer fun. After all my life really isn't too bad, I like my job, got a promo and raise yay me. My kids are doing well in school, and the extra stuff they do, they don't really give me to much lip or problems. We're looking into getting a new house with in a couple of years which I'm already excited about that...what has changed?
It hit me shorly after DH asked if he could use my car on Thursday again. His kids, his BM's, all the drama Inbred brings, all the scary times RFM brings because BM1 doesn't want to face what's really wrong with him. The very sound of dPPP voice I would bet money raises my blood pressure. In just under three years things have gone completely upside down for me because of all of this stress that the whole lot of them bring me.
I feel like I've aged 10 years in just the past two.
I love my DH, but how do I love him and keep my life with him stress free? I don't know if I can. I know there's always going to be the usual amount of stress, but the amount I've been under lately could probably kill a bull. I don't want a divorce, but at the same time I want who I use to be back. The active, fun, enjoying life person. Is there a happy middle? Will I ever get to be that person again?

Comments

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 3:07pm

I actually started taking probiotics about a month ago. It has worked wonders for me.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Submitted by Evil stepmonster on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 3:24pm

I've just been put on antianxiety meds too, when I never needed them before. Sigh

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Wed, 10/29/2014 - 5:34pm

Three weeks ago, it hit me that my health was deteriorating and quickly. I had gained lots of weight, sleep apnea, reflux, high blood pressure and pre-diabetic. And why? Because I was emotionally eating my stress and unhappiness due to step life.

It occurred to me that I was trying to have a relationship with my skids and I was emotionally upset that BM wanted me out of their lives. But the light bulb went off for me and I realized that DH wasn't really caring either. The responsibility was always on me to be the "better person and persevere".

I then told DH that since BM has PAS'd the skids against me and you are not saying anything, then you're telling the skids through your actions that BM is right. If you don't care if I have a relationship with them, then I don't either. I emotionally disconnecting because my health is important to me and my children.

Then today, I realized that because of BM and DH's behavior, I've changed. I've become an angry and bitter person, not behaving like I used too. So today I started acting as "if" I was my old self. I had to ask myself "what would you liked to have done" to each situation. And I did it without being "emotional attached". Today I went to SS13 soccer game. I made dinner for DH and SS13 and behaved like my "normal self".

When I didn't a thanks from SS13 for the things I had done, I told DH…this is what I did today, this is what SS13 didn't do. I then let it go.

In the past 3 weeks I've now lost 19.1 pounds. I've kept busy and living my life. I've made the decision that my health is going to be around a lot longer than skids or BM.