Getting SD16 tested for ADD
DH and I have always thought that SD16 was a bit flighty and ditsy like her mother. We just thought that was just who she was and we needed to stay on top of her to get her to remember to do things or to focus on certain things.
She is a flyer for her cheer team and on Wednesday she took a nasty fall that resulted in a mild concussion. When I went to the school to pick her up the coach wanted to let me know that she wasn't paying attention during the lift which resulted in the fall. Basically she lost concentration and caused her "bases" to stumble which led to them loosing their grip on her. At first I was upset that she was blaming SD16 for the fall where her bases should have supported her but as I got to thinking about it I could see how it could have happened with SD16.
While I was talking to my Stepmom over pedicures on Saturday(who owns counseling centers and employees a variety of therapists) about the fall and the issues that drive DH and I up the wall regarding SD16 she brought up the fact that SD16 may have ADD and that we should get her tested.
As most of us Stepmoms know it’s hard to approach our DH's about an imperfection regarding their precious babies. I went online to read about teenage ADD and was able to print out a few interesting articles. One that I printed out is the symptoms of ADD and SD16 can easily fit into most of them.
Luckily, for me DH was very open to getting SD16 tested. Our issue is bringing this up to SD16. We want her to know we are just getting her tested and this could improve her life and focus but without her thinking something is wrong with her.
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Although I'd not compare SD
Although I'd not compare SD with her mom out loud, it's something to be considered because it's been proven that (TRUE) ADD/ADHD is genetic.
When my son was tested, I had to fill out a questionnaire for the psychiatrist. Some of the questions on there did not pertain to DS, they pertained to ME.
And yes, I'm also ADD.
Thank you for this. If you
Thank you for this. If you don't mind what are some of the things that you do to help with your ADD? I have been doing a lot of reading to see what DH and I can do to help if she does have ADD.
1) We don't ever bring up her
1) We don't ever bring up her BM and wouldn't in this conversation.
2) I see what the coach is talking about. This isn't the first time we have had an issue with SD16 spacing out during cheer and the coach has brought this to our attention before.
3) I understand why you would think this isn't a "we" conversation but I am 100% full time with this kid. DH works 10 hour days, BM doesn't want to parent, and I am the primary parent in her life. This is a we conversation. Honestly, if DH approached SD16 about this by himself she would ask where the heck I was.
Our primary goal is to help her with her school work and getting her the help she needs.
I agree with HRNYC that you
I agree with HRNYC that you don't need to remind SD that you guys don't think her mom is so great.
I also agree that your initial suspicions could be right and that the coach could be passing the buck on blame.
But I don't really see the need to speak to anyone else about SD. Unless the HS she goes to is signficantly different than mine, she's probably had almost zero contact with a guidance counsellor so his/her opinion is next to useless.
I don't even think it's about we or SM or whatever, it's about noticing SD doesn't concentrate and wanting to rule out underlying issues. What if she's spacey for some other reason? Drug use, undiagnosed pre-diabetes, etc etc. Although whatever the diagnosis, DH would be wise to get some guidance/training on how to help SD with her attention issues.
It's really challenging to live with someone with severe ADD/ADHD, but it will be even more challenging to try to help SD learn to cope on her own.
ETA: I have since read above that you are the primary parent, so then it's about you and DH getting on the same page about redirecting SD all... the.... time..... It's a lot of work, but I'm sure you can get support with it.
I was diagnosed at six, very
I was diagnosed at six, very different to sixteen, so I can't offer any advice on how to tell her DH wants to have her tested.
What I can tell you is that my ADD manifested (and still does now at 25) as a lack of focus on necessary tasks, hyper-focussing on unnecessary tasks, inability to cope with certain noises, tastes and textures, and most importantly, impulse control. My mother tells me often that before I was medicated I would have crying fits over the way I acted and tell her that I didn't like the way I acted, but I couldn't help it. And I couldn't, I really couldn't. So for me, especially as I got older, being medicated was a relief. Because it meant that I COULD focus on studying for exams instead of making origami figures. I COULD control my impulses. It made my life so much easier. Especially navigating social situations as a teenager.
Unfortunately, my taste-texture thing will probably never be solved, and my noise issue only with some sort of behaviour therapy.
I hope my experiences might be of some help, but please note I'm a lucky one and haven't had to screw around much with different medications or dosages.
I agree with sue. I think it
I agree with sue. I think it is quite unusual that this hasn't come up before. If she's had issues, it seems this would of been brought up in the past. Schools are especially quick to have any child tested that has any unusual symptoms or issues.
I would also consider the coach. It seems to me he should of been more concerned about her medical condition and not placing blame.
All that being said, getting tested is quite easy.
Yup, agree also that it's
Yup, agree also that it's surprising it hasn't come up before this -- other teachers commenting on lack of focus/control in the classroom, etc.
They didn't have this dx when I was young -- it was termed, "not paying attention", "being too social", "unable to focus or stay on task", "having a messy desk and being unorganized" "can't sit still". I'm almost 50, BTW - and those are phrases that showed up on my grade cards all thru school. I coped because I had to, and had to develop mechanisms on my own since everyone termed it a behavioral problem.
My DS was diagnosed at age 8, after a couple years of me recognizing what was going on and trying a lot of different, natural methods (diet change, more structure, etc). Unfortunately, although those helped a little, there was still obviously issues. His ADD is of the inattentive/impulse control type, he's not really hyperactive. He has the most trouble reading.... he says it's like words in other places on the page grab his attention, so he's not reading sentences left to right, he's jumping around looking at words. But he's an amazing whiz at math, doing junior math as a freshman. Oh, and he's not at all creative, he's very hard-science oriented. I think that's why he needs structure, as he has problems thinking out of the box and has difficulty "winging it". But I tell you what.... if left to his own devices, he could play fast-paced video games for HOURS.
I would bet a million bucks
I would bet a million bucks if I had it that my SD14 has ADHD. She can not sit quietly for more than 10 minutes. Can not be entertained for more than 30 minutes and expects to be entertained constantly. Constantly bored and wants to go somewhere no matter if it interests her or not. She is extremely immature and because of her incessant need to be noticed she is absolutely the most annoying person you could ever imagine. Constantly making noises...she sucks her drink from her glass and likes to suck on things in general and it is loud and so annoying. She constantly plays with the dog and is either yelling at it or talking baby talk to it and again that is beyond annoying. Certain things she is OCD about...she is obsessed with the expiration dates on food items and with whether a food is still good to eat...even if it looks perfectly fine...everything she eats she acts "is this still good dadddddddyyyyyyyyy?" She will hyperfocus on things that are usually of interest to a child half her age. She follows her dad around everywhere he goes...still sleeps with her grandmother (who lives next door to us). I can't carry on a conversation with her because she doesn't make any sense when she talks for the most part. I could go on...Oh and to top it all off she is a mini-wife big time---yeah for me.
The only thing that is a little different with her than most people who have ADHD is that she doesn't act out and gets decent grades.
You are so right...It is really hard to tell someone that you think their kid has a learning or mood disorder especially if they think that their kid is perfect. I just let it go...she has no interest in having a relationship with me and sees me as competition for her dad...maybe one day someone will realize that something is not quite right with this kid.