I didn't sleep at all on Saturday night. I'm newly pregnant and it's been a long journey with me and DH to get to this point, including fertility treatments. I feel very lucky and all I hope is to have a healthy baby. Along with general worries about pregnancy, I just discovered that my due date is the same week as SS's birthday and now I'm horrified.

SS is an absolute brat on his birthday. I've spent 3 of his birthdays with him so far and every year has been terrible. His 8th birthday was the first I spent with him and I attributed the poor behavior to his young age. On this birthday, I had an unbelievable toothache (which eventually was root canaled) and, amongst other things, he told me that I should go home, so that he could have fun bowling with his dad and sister. Instead, I sucked up the pain, because I wanted him to be happy on his birthday. That same year, on SD's birthday, I was surprised that DH bought SS a gift along with buying SD's birthday gift. His response was that SS cries and throws a fit when SD opens her present, so he always gets a present too on her birthday. What??! Obviously, he's not old enough to go to birthday parties or have his own if he gets jealous on other people's birthday or just isn't a nice person when it's "his day".

On his 9th birthday, we told him he could invite his neighborhood friends for cupcakes to help celebrate his birthday. We had already given him his birthday presents and made him his favorite meal. This child has everything he could want and our intention was NOT for anyone coming over for cupcakes to get him gifts, yet he told his friends that he was having a party and asked them for a present.

On his 10th birthday, he "made" us go to a restaurant that was expensive, crappy, and made us sick, because he had never been there before and wanted to try something new. My repeated attempts to steer him in a better direction for dinner was met with "I want this and it's my day". DH, of course, says nothing and let's it happen. Then, we decided that we would see a movie. SS really wanted to go play laser tag on his birthday, but I'm not a big fan, so DH told him that he would take SS and SS's friends to laser tag in a few weeks. This should have been a great plan. SS gets a movie today AND laser tag with friends in the future...but no, he wants to do laser tag and wants it now. So, he tells me to, again, go home, so he can play laser tag with his dad and sister. I blame DH for basically telling SS, the reason he doesn't get exactly what he wants is because of me. DH and I had a huge argument and I agree to play laser tag so SS was happy on his 10th birthday. The biggest issue is that DH allows this and thinks that he can do or say whatever he wants because it's his day. SS knows it and uses it to his full advantage. The only upside was that after I had multiple arguments with DH that day and night, DH apologized and realized what he did wrong. When SS asked DH the next day when he was going to go to laser tag with his friends, DH told him that he already went to laser tag on his birthday and that was it.

Fast forward to the present - I decided to be honest with DH and I told him that I realized that our baby would have a birthday close to SS's birthday and it kept me up at night. I told DH that I was concerned that SS would say things like "don't have the baby on my birthday", or be moody, or even expect DH to leave me while I'm in labor to celebrate his birthday. DH brushed off the concerns and said that it's a long time from now and SS could mature and it's not something to worry about. DH's answer did nothing to alleviate my worries. It just makes me think even more that I have to take care of myself because no one else will.

So now I'm not going to complain or say anything. I'm just going to make sure I eat and stay healthy. I'll go for long walks to avoid DH, SS, and SD if I have to, so I don't have to hear dumb or insensitive comments. If I start getting annoyed, I'll just say I have to go to the bathroom, then go to my bedroom and not come back. I'll visit my parents more often - instead of taking care of others, I feel taken care of when I'm there. I'll spend more time in my bedroom relaxing or taking walks.