You are here

Another weekend ruined

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 8:23am

I just can't take it anymore. One of the things that pisses me off is how mad SD13 makes SO.
She's rude, selfish, inconsiderate, and is just a general mess. She has no social skills and just doesn't get what's appropriate and what's not.
SO is pretty hard on her and sometimes she just makes him so mad that he's in a terrible mood. I resent her because him being in a bad mood effects my life and the mood in the whole house.

Last night the 3 of us were going bowling, which I said I wasn't gonna do because I needed a break from her, but since SO is leaving again tomorrow for work I wanted to spend as much time with him as I can. SD comes downstairs in an inappropriate outfit that's much more suited for a 21 year old to wear to the bar. SO tells her to go get changed and she claims she didn't bring any other clothes. She's ALWAYS doing this! She never brings what she needs for the weekend and always asks me to borrow clothes and I usually give them to her. This time I said no. She had a hoodie hanging in her closet and I told her to wear that. She was pissed but whatever.

We go bowling and she takes off her hoodie to reveal that she's wearing the shirt that SO told her she couldn't wear. He freaks out and makes her put her sweater back on. Over the next little while she asks me like 10 times if I think she looks pretty. No but like really pretty? Like do I look perfect? How's my hair? She does this all the time and it pisses me off to no end so I usually just ignore her.
She goes to the bathroom and comes back with a wet sweater that "accidentally" fell in the toilet. SO freaks out again and says she obviously did it on purpose and he's had it and were going home. So we pick up and left. In the car on the way home he was harsh. He yelled and told her we are never taking her anywhere again unless she has some proper clothes and that no one else in there was dressed like a tramp and he's sick of her shit. I felt a little bad at first and thought maybe he was a bit too harsh but then quickly changed my opinion when she pulled the "I'm 13 now, I can wear what I want" crap. I'm done with her. I'm done with her putting him in a bad mood and ruining my weekends! I just can't take it anymore. She ruins everything!
Luckily her sent her to bed as soon as we got home and me and SO got some alone time but you could tell he was still tense.

T-8 hours until she's back with BM and I can enjoy my Sunday night!

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 8:45am

If this is an ongoing problem, why hasn't purchased clothes for his house?

Most teenage girls are concerned about their looks. They may pretend to be cocky, but many are very insecure and are desperate to fit in. That means wearing the right clothes, having perfect hair, makeup...It's annoying as hell but pretty normal.
That girl can't make her dad act like a jerk. He is responsible for the way he reacts and the words that comes out of his mouth. She's doing normal teen stuff. What teen doesn't push the envelope? He isn't taking steps to put an end to it. (Making sure there are appropriate clothes at his house or making her stay home while the two of you go out).

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 9:07am

The inappropriate clothes just started a month or so ago. Usually she just forgets things like socks, PJs, pants other than track pants....
We have bought her clothes and things she needs for our house but she sneaks them into her bag and takes them home. Admittedly SO isn't diligently checking to make sure she leaves it all here which we are going to start doing.

I agree that wanting to look good is normal teenage behavior but she is extreme!!! All she ever wants to talk about her is looks. Literally. In any given day she will ask a least 20 times, aren't i so pretty? Everyone just tells me I'm so pretty. Does my butt look smaller this week? Omg I'm so ugly don't you think?
If this is normal then fine but it drives me nuts and I'm sorry but my purpose in life is NOT to stroke the ego of a 13 year old and then have her tell me I'm grumpy or boring If I don't want to sit around and talk about her looks. I'm not into people who have egos the size of football fields and attention whores.

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 9:11am

I don't want to come off like a bitch here. This kid has HUGE boundary issues and lacks the social skills to know what's appropriate and what's not. My worry is that she is so involved with her looks that the wrong boy is going to come along and tell her she's hot and she will be pregnant before she's 15. My SIL is a youth worker and has a masters in child psychology and she has said on numerous occasions that she will have at least 1 kid before she's 16. This is why we are so concerned with how she dresses and carries herself. And I agree completely that SO could have handled this situation much better. The problem is that BM sees no issue and does nothin about it. We only have her EOW so anything we try to tell her or any values we try to instill in her don't stick because she goes back to BM and she goes against everything we say. Rock and hard place.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 10:26am

Yup, dad could end the clothing problem in no time. Her appearance is her currency.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sun, 03/02/2014 - 10:41am

This girl has appalling role models. She is probably told looking like a 2-bit hooker makes her look hot and 'cute'. So when she comes to your place she is constantly seeking her Dad's approval. And the smart mouth is typical for a teen. She 'can wear whatever she wants' when she has a job and is paying for it.

Buy some clothes for her to wear at your place. Don't punish her for her mother's slatternly role model. Don't buy her grandma clothes. That is unfair. But certianly dial down the slut-o-meter reading.

I would sit her down and tell her that asking of she is pretty all the time is annoying and makes people think she isn't. So her beauty and attractiveness will shine through if she has a smile on her dial and acts appropriately. End of conversation.
So allows her behaviour to get under his skin and she wins even if she has to leave early. 1) She get Dad's attention 2) She creates drama. So talk to SO and tell him as a female you know what she is doing. And the way for him to deal with it is to shut down and not allow himself to lose his temper with her. He tells her "You wet your sweatshirt on purpose so we are leaving and when we get home you go straight to your room." And take her phone off her so she cannot summon the BM-Sympathy Party.

She is also old enough for her dad to speak to her about what teen boys are thinking about. And where they want to put it. And how the person connected to that orifice doesn't have to have a brain.

Once she has had the ground rules outlaid to her she has no excuse for the future. And your job is done. But fully expect the battle to continue. She is a teen and wants to look older than she is. Damn estrogen! In 20 yrs she will be trying to look younger..... LOL