You are doing a disservice to your BD12. She loves your DH because she knows YOU love your DH. But as a woman, you are teaching her that it is ok for a man to treat her that way in the future. Because you allowed it.

What Queen said!! ^^^

I'm sorry and I am not trying to be rude...but I have never understood why women put up with something like your situation. And not just put up with it, but step back and let it happen willingly.

Only paying a third is a good start. But I wonder is that why he does what he does?

I would try therapy first. Together or just for yourself.

In the mean time, you can change things to make you happier. Now...get you a TV somewhere and you watch what you want to watch when you want to watch it. If someone comes over you don't want them there...go to another room. Only do your clothes. Only clean your mess. Only cook for yourself.

I would tell him if he pulls up your tree...you are going to get rid of something he likes.

I just realized that you have been in this for 5 years! Has he always been this way or is it new?

Many of your problems seem to be about the lack of equality and respect in your relationship, rather than blended family dynamics. Too many men underestimate or disrespect the work involved in running and maintaining a home. When they refuse to listen or compromise its not only hurtful but demoralising and a never ending source of resentment.

Some men need to see things for themselves in order to understand - some would find it life changing if they had to walk in their partners shoes for a week. Some are too lazy or too determined to see the housework as a woman's responsibility. I have lived a lot of this frustration, my DH fancied himself an advocate of equality when we met but he talked the talk rather than walking the walk when it came to hoovering and changing beds and unstacking the dishwasher and all the daily real nitty gritty of life. He would do some stuff here and there when it occurred to him or he was prodded but had no real concept of what a fair distribution of effort involved. We had huge rows about it, not least because a man with children brings an additional burden of housework which warrants even more input on his part. But 10 years later he is a different man in that regard, one who will find a finished load in the washing machine and hang it out to dry, who will empty the dishwasher and give the children breakfast before going to work. It is possible for a man to eventually see the light in that regard if he is a reasonable man and has respect for you. If he is not those things then the problem is larger than housework and very detrimental to being happy in the relationship long term.

Your DH sounds unreasonable and controlling. He disrespects your contribution, pressures you over money and regularly overrules you on decisions in your home. If he won't change and you are unhappy on a day to day basis don't stay with this man for the sake of your daughter and wait until she wants to leave - would you want her to stay in a troubled unhappy relationship the way you are doing?

He's going to dig up your pear tree? What a dick!

I understand that you think you are doing what's best for your BD, but you cannot be the best you can be for her if you are miserable.