I was going to comment, but I need to read previous blogs first.

obviously you want validation that your daughter is behaving correctly. I don't think anyone here can give you that.

As one poster said... why did you marry this woman? You seem to be so wrapped up in what your kid is feeling and doing that you have no empathy for your spouse.

Teens go through about 100 emotions in an hour. I'm sorry I just don't buy your story that you have the one teen that is soooooo mature.

If she wants to disengage. FINE! But no disrespect or ugliness. And maybe as a teen.. meaning not quite a grown up...YOUR daughter might defer to your wife who is an adult once in a while??

Oh but wait.. I forgot, you're teen is so mature and never wrong. It's just your wife that's the issue!

this is a board for stepparents to vent.

please, invite the stepparent in your situation to bring this subject up to us.

I missed something!

>My wife says it makes her feel rejected and excluded. She says it's disrespectful, but I don't see the disrespect in that.<

Okay. Stefan, maybe you are right. Maybe your wife is a little overly sensitive. But you need to do yourself and your wife a favor here and talk to her so that you can validate what she is feeling and get both of you on the same page.

You may very well be right and maybe your daughter is doing the right thing. But you are not seeing what your wife is seeing. *That* in a nutshell, is your problem. I don't see an easy solution for you but compromise is part and parcel of marriage.

Dude which is it..Your daughter answers asked questions towards your wife and is talkative with everyone else or your daughter argues with your wife every time they talk??? And that is only one thing that isn't lining up about your story. Perhaps your daughter is playing your wife for a fool just like your trying to play us as fools..ya think??? :sick:

Woot woot ~ all aboard the douchebag train !!!!

If you believe treating your wife like she does ~ maybe your the one who needs help . That's completely delusional ~ something happened to get your daughter where she is n you are not sharing said event. If you can't be honest here ~ it's like we are all speaking to a wall.

how would you like your precious princess being treated like this by her future boyfriend/fiance/husband's family?

IDK. I'm torn here. I'm glad your daughter is at least "civil." But I think most of us on this board also know what it's like to be treated the way you say your daughter treats your wife.

You can't force someone to feel fuzzies about someone else, but you can make sure that your daughter is friendLY to your wife. What kind of behavior do you expect from your wife's kids? Surely you wouldn't want them treating you with polite distant-ness. You can make sure your daughter extends a friendly handshake/hug/wave to your wife, asks her about how her life is going, encourage her to find something they have in common so they can talk about it, etc.

Ask your daughter to think long and hard about how she will want you to treat her partner/SO when she brings one home.

Get her a diary to write down her feelings and spill it all out. Encourage her to talk to her friends. Surely many of them have stepparents too. But you need to correct your daughter when she's cold to your wife. We can all be friendly to people without being friends with them.

Comment removed.

http://teenadvice.about.com/od/violencebullying/a/girlbullies.htm

LOL! Dude, you received A LOT of good advice on your last post however you are refusing to take any of it into consideration.

To be honest, I dont know why you're even asking for opinions as it's very clear you've already made up your mind whats right and wrong in this situation.

Good luck to your wife, it's very unfortunately that she ended up with a disney dad like yourself.

smh

One more: http://ghostofarose.com/GhostofaRose/narcissism.html

There has got to be something someone did to cause this distain. Admit what happened ??? You don't just marry someone your daughter doesn't like. Something happened !

Someplace a village is missing there idiot !! I just heard that n it couldn't ring more true than right here !!

I have to get my opinion about this in: I havent gone through all eight pages...but you are allowing your child to run the house, you are married to your child but having sex with your wife. Your wife has no support or status in your household, your child may not be cursing at your wife and throwing things, her tactic is much more manipulative than that...so much more manipulative, and that is dangerous. She is staying in good with you while she clearly isolates your wife from the household with your approval.

In your first marriage...your child was an extension from you and your wife, your relationship was at the center of that family. What makes you think that your children should not continue to center around the relationship of your second? Evolution and research have repetitively demonstrated that a child is NOT TO BE THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD. If your relationship with your wife is not your number one priority, you are dying alone...your child will grow up, and even as an adult, your child will feel entitled to be your mini-wife, women do not want to be mistresses to your daughter (I encourage you to look up entitlement, family systems dynamics, boundaries with daughter, effective boundaries with child, and the like). Your entitled brat of a child will grow up with (statistically) an increased risk of substance abuse, anxiety, depression, inability to effectively problem solve or think critically, poor boundaries, failing relationships, challenges maintaining a job, the list goes on friend. There is nothing good about placing your child above your wife, and IMO it is absolutely unacceptable to expect your wife to not have any status in her own household. I would have a big problem if I found out that my SO was researching this topic with his daughter, then encouraging to disrespect the woman you "say" you want to spend your life with. In the mental health field, we are looking at poor boundaries and raising entitled children as abuse...the long term effects of what you are doing are damaging your child in ways that will take years and years to repair...much like physical, sexual, emotional assault. Your princess is not the center of the world to anyone but you and your ex, and she will be confused, upset, unskilled, and alone when she realizes no one else wants to cater to her demands and entitlement.

Stefan, you've told us some of how your daughter feels and how she interacts with her SM. I'm curious now to hear about your wife, how she feels, and how she interacts with the SD. You've admitted that there was lots of arguing between the two females. Also that SD's idea to a solution aka the females disengaging from each other, is to be 'polite and civil' while maintaining a very cool distant co-existence where SM is merely a nobody to SD and just some lady who happens to live in the same house.

Ok. So now what is SM's view on how she would like things to be in the home, between the two females, and what are SM's ideas to possible solutions to the strained home environment your home is currently in? You spent page after page giving us daughter's view and how you'd like to run your home per your daughter and yourself. Now tell us your wife's side, what SM would like to see occur and what has brought you to ST at this point of time in all this.

You don't have a home, you have an arrangement of some sort where you all live under the same roof and wife gets what's left after you and mini-wife are done. I really feel sorry for your wife. I hope she leaves you and finds someone that will put her first. The correct order of priorities is God, spouse, child!!!! AWAYS!!

You will be divorced soon and do all the women in your area a favor and don't get married again until you are ready to put your wife first. Just because you put your wife first does not mean you love your daughter less. As a matter of fact the very best thing you can give your children is a happy marriage.

When my SD was 15 and my DH and I had newly moved in together, SD didn't want to do things with me, so DH put his foot down and said that she can't see him if she refuses me. SD got over herself after a couple months of missing out on fun things with DH. DH told her that as the daughter, she doesn't get a say in who his partner in life is. She couldn't choose her own mother, so she can't choose DH's next wife either.

SD and I get along fine now. We are not friends, but we have normal conversations...better than the conversations I have with the neighbors. She even openly says that I've "changed her Dad for the better" and is happy to see a softer side to him that hadn't been there before.

YOU are not showing your own wife respect. If you can't figure out a way to make your own daughter respect your wife, she shouldn't be living with you.

PARENTING FAIL.