I found this site by researching the term "disengagement", which is what my 15 year old daughter suggested.
She does not want a relationship with my wife, she never did, and from the beginning she was cold and rejected her.
However, there was a type of a forced relationship. I forced it. To be honest, I still don't know was that a mistake.
I thought that she will just warm up with time so I forced her to spend time with my wife and I, to never exclude my wife, etc.
But it all seemed to either backfire or have no effect whatsoever.
She says that basic civility and politeness (Hello and goodbye) should be enough, that nothing else should be required and forced, and that my wife is absolutely nothing to her, so why should she be required to fake a relationship with her, isn't honest better, isn't politeness enough for someone that's nothing to her? That's what she says.
And in a way, I agree. Of course, I would not allow my daughter to be rude to anyone, that's not what I taught her and she really is not like that - she's polite, but very, very, very cold to my wife and the rejection is obvious.
I'm not sure what to do about this.
Oh, and not to forget - my wife doesn't do anything for my daughter, like cooking, washing, money. I give her money, cook occasionally and she does her own clothes and usually makes food. She never allowed my wife to do that for her, and she doesn't even want me to do it, she does it herself. So it's not like she wants a housemaid, she wants nothing.
Opinions?
As long as she is not disrespectful, I don't see a problem with it. Many SMs would kill for that exact situation compared to what they have.
Your daughter sounds polite and independent and that's a good thing. I get that you'd rather they have a better relationship but be thankful for what you have, it could be a lot worse.
Perhaps, their relationship will evolve into something warmer but it will have to be on it's own, you cannot force it. That will just cause resentment.
Regardless of how she can to the term of disengagement ~ at such a young age. I would welcome it. Isn't this what more than half of us would want. Sk to just deal w the father. She isn't disrespect ~ just stating her opinion.
She is entitled to her feelings ~ if she came to you with malice in her heart opinion might be different.
My father tried to force my relationship w his wife. I call her his wife ~ because a mother raises a child ~ she did not raise me. She doesn't have to like your wife ~ just needs to respect her. You my friend were given a gift here. She is telling you I respect her
I honestly WISH that my SD15 thought like this. I have said almost the exact words that your SD has said to you, to my DH. I don't like SD15. SD15 does not like me. We don't yell at each other, we just don't talk to each other period. This does not bother me in the least. Not sure it bothers SD... I think the only one it bothers is DH. He wants me to be a "mother figure" Not going to happen. If I wanted to be financially and emotionally responsible for someone else's kid I would have adopted one a long time ago.
I do nothing for SD other than take her to school a couple of times per week only because it's the lesser of the two evils (I am leaving at that time and if I don't take her then DH would have to wake BS3 up to do it. I would rather let BS3 sleep and just take her)
there is a lot more to my story than the fact that we just don't like each other though. There are obviously reasons that I don't like SD and she doesn't like me because I won't put up with her crap and I don't treat her like a Princess like DH does.
Comments
I found this site by
I found this site by researching the term "disengagement", which is what my 15 year old daughter suggested.
She does not want a relationship with my wife, she never did, and from the beginning she was cold and rejected her.
However, there was a type of a forced relationship. I forced it. To be honest, I still don't know was that a mistake.
I thought that she will just warm up with time so I forced her to spend time with my wife and I, to never exclude my wife, etc.
But it all seemed to either backfire or have no effect whatsoever.
She says that basic civility and politeness (Hello and goodbye) should be enough, that nothing else should be required and forced, and that my wife is absolutely nothing to her, so why should she be required to fake a relationship with her, isn't honest better, isn't politeness enough for someone that's nothing to her? That's what she says.
And in a way, I agree. Of course, I would not allow my daughter to be rude to anyone, that's not what I taught her and she really is not like that - she's polite, but very, very, very cold to my wife and the rejection is obvious.
I'm not sure what to do about this.
Oh, and not to forget - my wife doesn't do anything for my daughter, like cooking, washing, money. I give her money, cook occasionally and she does her own clothes and usually makes food. She never allowed my wife to do that for her, and she doesn't even want me to do it, she does it herself. So it's not like she wants a housemaid, she wants nothing.
Opinions?
Not enough info. Did your
Not enough info. Did your wife cause the divorce? Where's the mom? How does your wife feel about it?
As long as she is not
As long as she is not disrespectful, I don't see a problem with it. Many SMs would kill for that exact situation compared to what they have.
Your daughter sounds polite and independent and that's a good thing. I get that you'd rather they have a better relationship but be thankful for what you have, it could be a lot worse.
Perhaps, their relationship will evolve into something warmer but it will have to be on it's own, you cannot force it. That will just cause resentment.
Regardless of how she can to
Regardless of how she can to the term of disengagement ~ at such a young age. I would welcome it. Isn't this what more than half of us would want. Sk to just deal w the father. She isn't disrespect ~ just stating her opinion.
She is entitled to her feelings ~ if she came to you with malice in her heart opinion might be different.
My father tried to force my relationship w his wife. I call her his wife ~ because a mother raises a child ~ she did not raise me. She doesn't have to like your wife ~ just needs to respect her. You my friend were given a gift here. She is telling you I respect her
The 15 year old probably
The 15 year old probably typed in "my step mom hates me" and this site popped up. LOL...JK!
I agree...she is not rude so what else does your wife want? Or is it you that wants them to be closer?
I wouldn't poke that bear at
I wouldn't poke that bear at all !!! God bless
Sounds pretty dreadful for
Sounds pretty dreadful for your wife. Did you cheat on your ex-wife with your current wife?
If not, I don't think a kid should be permitted to be this cold.
But what is worse ?
But what is worse ? Disrespectful ~ entitled brats with mouths or quiet ???
Neither is a great place to be ~ but less chaos would be better for me. Drama free !
It must hurt SM ~ are there arguments or status quo ???
Is BM influencing her or other family members ??
Agreed, smom101. Maybe if he
Agreed, smom101. Maybe if he stops forcing the issue, they could be friends!
I honestly WISH that my SD15
I honestly WISH that my SD15 thought like this. I have said almost the exact words that your SD has said to you, to my DH. I don't like SD15. SD15 does not like me. We don't yell at each other, we just don't talk to each other period. This does not bother me in the least. Not sure it bothers SD... I think the only one it bothers is DH. He wants me to be a "mother figure" Not going to happen. If I wanted to be financially and emotionally responsible for someone else's kid I would have adopted one a long time ago.
I do nothing for SD other than take her to school a couple of times per week only because it's the lesser of the two evils (I am leaving at that time and if I don't take her then DH would have to wake BS3 up to do it. I would rather let BS3 sleep and just take her)
there is a lot more to my story than the fact that we just don't like each other though. There are obviously reasons that I don't like SD and she doesn't like me because I won't put up with her crap and I don't treat her like a Princess like DH does.