troubled stepdaughters tearing my family apart
Hi, im looking for serious advice. Please keep rude comments to yourself, this is serious & I find it sad that Im about to spill out my private information for help to people I do not know. This is hard enough for me so please just dont, Thank you.
My husband was recently granted custody of his two daughters 5&7Yrs old in june this year after a 3 yr custody battle. I also have two boys who are biologically mine ages 2 & 4. My family life style and morals have forever been changed and ruined my two boys, myself and nephew are in danger! It all started when we unexpectedly had to rush to Ohio two days earlier then planned to pack up my step daughters and move them to our home in North Carolina . There was an emergency regarding my 5 yr old stepdaughter. Her Great Grand Father (&great grand mother) who had been taking care of her and her sister for 3 years, ran her over with a riding lawn mower!!!!! She lost two toes in the accident. When she was discharged we packed the girls up and took them with us. We knew they were sexually abused by their mothers ex boyfriends and also learned many horrible things by seeing their mother act out sexually in front of them, using drugs, pills, snorting, needle using & shoplifting. She eventually went to prison and she sign her children over under temporary custody to her grand parents. Well it came out these children needed special attention when children services caught these two children masturbating on camera in the waiting room. So they've had therapy for 3 years. We were told they were better and hadnt had an episode in months. We saw the girls when we could due to the fact my husband was in the army and we went to Germany for our first duty station. We pcs to NC. We were stoked to havethe girls with us all finally!! Until they came into my home and started hurting my baby boys each other and my autistic nephew! I finally broke down and called their greatgrand mother she then informs me she told thegirls it was ok to touch themselves at night in bed under their covers. Also found out the oldest was caught sticking baby bottles and markers inside of her younger sister Crazy right? Why didnt anyone tell us this? Ws doesnt their Father know these things? Well they admitt to us that they do it bc it feels good. Anyways to make a long story short the 5 yr old i believe is bat shit crazy because her older sister. The oldest is sneaky she has been caught rubbing her privates on the couch toys blankets stuffed animals her sisters back. They steal from kids at school and stores ,i cant take them anywhere. The therapist here was fired. The more visits w her the worse things got. Of coarse children services is involved from ohio and the lawn mower acxident. Im telling this case worker what is happening and she tells me its mine and my husbands fault that it falls under supervision issues. Can you believe this i didnt shower some days bc i watch them like hawks and i have no time! They havestole nail clippers from walmart and used them to clip chunks of skin from my oldest son 4, butt!!!! And my nephews back!!!! The yougest just sits and stares a hole threw me with no emotion no rremorse not a care in the world she will not answer when spoken to. The 5 yr old took my autistic nephew out of his swing at the payground while we were cleaning up our pinic mess and packing the diaper bags. The swing put himto sleep we were seriously 5 feet away at a bench beside the swing set. When we got home i asked her why she told me she thought he would run into tthe woods or into the pond. They both ppoop and pee their pants just to tick me off. They use the bathroom every 30 minutes just to be nosey through the house until i caught on. They lie constantly when its not even something to lie about as if their in trouble. No they just lie to lie. Just last night i ask the 5 yr to apologize to the ones she woke up at 5am screaming kicking the door that she had to pee she would NOT saysorry!. I made her leave the door open while she went bc the boys were in bed w me to keep them safe from their own room. This girl did not pee or anything she sat on the toilet for 2minutes got up and flushed the toilet and stares into my room as she walks by. She told me she doesnt like me. The youngest will act shy quiet innocent abd sweet but catch her whenshe thinks noone is watching her. She acts stupid wont brush hed teeth or hair for nothing not even school, puts her shoes on the wrongfeet shoes laces untied, sits at the dinner table with homework all bight and acts like she cant do it. Hours this child will sit for hours before she tells you it says THE or AND RED, this kid writes her grandma letters. I spelled icecream one day bc we were in front of children and she shouted out what i had spelled. Theyre both extremely manipulative and sacasti!!! They have attitudes like 15 yr olds. They have toys they do not play withtherefore they alllook new. They would rather watch teen mom and mtv. Isnt that nuts. I found a tablet in their room that the oldest was writting in. She said shain doesnt love me anymore he likes girls w blonde hair pretty lips and hott bodies. Imsorry but if i can remember correctly when i was 7 boys were gross and i played barbies all day. That kind of stuff is too grown. I have to hide the knives and scissors. They started hurting the other kids by accident then. My oldest son 4 had bruises all over his feet from tgem both stomping on my babies feet....on accident. How do i restrain myself from going after them? The oldest girl told my son to drink mouthwash when i sent them to brush their teeth. She had no idea i was in the hall and peeking into the bathroom. He did not drink it!!! Thank goodness. The oldest girl slams doors i believe she does in hopes to hurt someone when their near by she does things so weird and skick that your not sure if it was on purpose or not she has slammed doors on fingers and toes drawing blood on the other kids.the oldest has tajen xare of hed little sister made her food changed her diapers while their mother was in and out of reality fron drugs and going out to party leacibg them home alonefor the oldest to feelresponsible for her sister like a mother. She has picked up hef mothers pils she dropped from her dresser befire her little sister didbt get ahold of them. Thats what she will tell you. She also knows and will tekk you her nither steals and sold her Christmas gifts. She acts like she is so nice and loves babies but will pinch the crap out of them or accidentally drop them. She wilk run ful force into the boys and say it was an accident. She acts like she cares about other ppls well being but she doesnt. Its an axt both of them do this its disgusting! I literally walked out of the kitch for a few seconds its was immediately almost as soon as i turb around my 4 yr old boy started to choke but i didnt respond right then it didnt click then i heard a choking sound my husband and i ran in and both of the girls just sat and watched. If it had been one of the girls tto choke the other would yell for an adult and slapping their backs just to help them until an adult arrives. The 7 yr old watched her 2 yr old little baby brother run towards the road and by time i noticed him i had to run like a super hero bc he was amost hit by a car. This was After school as werewalking across the school playground and yard. I dont try to put grown up things on her but it hust goe to show she saw hin in danged and said nothing. It basically tells me everything about her. i took their bedroom door off ans put up a baby gate so the other kids couldnt go in their room when i caught them rubbing private on eachother so the 5 yr old girl sets by the baby gate and waits for my 4 yr old boy cane running threw the hall past their door and she sticks her arm out and slams his head into the side of their door frame. I have to lock them in their rooms bc they were coming out and going into the boys room and hurting them. They wont tell me what they did. It kills me. Them are my babies and its my job as a mother toprotect my children. The punishments are not working and my husband doesnt know how to handle it and is stressed out. Im planning on moving into an apartment with my boys. Im not the same psrson anymore .i hate coming home from work it make my stomach turn looking at then or thinking about them. When i leave and my boys see their daddy how will i force him to find a sitter for his daughters while he sees them? This is so hard my life sucks so bad now i just wan to be happy a havent laughex in along long long time. I feel like crying all the time but nothing comes out but anger. Im sick of the constant bull crap. Im sick of the constant questions like can i put my sicks in the dirty clothes can i fix the sheet on my bed. What the hell. Theattention has to be on the at all times. The therapist said whoopins wont work that they have lots of issues and it will be awhile before we saw progress. The girls cane home and told the others they wont be getting whoopins .well thats a lie bc i will whoop! My parents did it to me and i was perfectly fine. until these two evil children came in and ruined it. They think their boss and they make the rules. My husvand gets so mad and ran oyt of energy and punishments that he doesnt do anything ti them so their getting awa with this crap with him. Well the next therapy appt. They tell her we whooped them and slapped their mouth. Thinking it would get us in trouble! This isout of hand and i cannot build sstructure in this house with all this nonsense . Who do i contact who will help me. All cps wants to do is blame us. When we spend our whole days on watching their every move eben while eating with the other kids. I called for a tour of juvenile centers here but i think its better to send them to a youth center and get treatment bur i haveno idea how to go about it. Are there any for childreb this young. These ppl will. Think im insane bc how young and manipulating they are. I cannot live like this any longer. Please pray for us. Im hoping God is doing this for a damb good reason bc im going o give myself a heart attack. Im always scared tired and sluggish and ew. Im not me anymore. I justwant my boys and nephew safe. Please if you know something or a place to go. Am i being ununreasonal? Please give me your thoughts. What if at this very moment we changed bodies. What would youvve done or do..
Sorry about all my typos my computer is not working so im using my phone. Its suppose to be autocorect but it types horrible errors or deletes my words. Anyways your helpful opinions are appreciated
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Comments
The therapist was fired not
The therapist was fired not quit.
These kids need serious help and you need to stop blaming them and treating them like they are the antichrist. They are acting out on the horrible abuse they were subjected too. You need serious help too because you obviously do not like these children and you are treating them badly as well. No wonder they act like this, they suffered severe trauma and I doubt you or your precious kids could have dealt any better with what these kids have gone through. The people who should be helping them are shunning them and you wonder why they act like this? GET A GOOD CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST AND DON'T FIRE HIM OR HER. Do NOT expect miracles to happen overnight. It did not take one night to screw these poor girls up this badly.
In the meantime, she needs to
In the meantime, she needs to focus on the innocent so they can remain that way or else she will have more disturbed children in her home. Shes doing her best to protect them from sexual & physical abuse, you would not like this kind of disruption either!!
Like I said i dont need
Like I said i dont need sarcastic remarks. Or someone thinking they know the situation better. They have been in therapy all their life! Her father fired the therapist. The only ppl so far to know whats is happening in my home think i need to get out. They can get allthe help they need but i wont be here for it to havemy children subjected to this kind of behavior how is this fair to teach my children this is how we act bc its not. Also we dont shun ppl bc we are not amish. But if its a way of saying i dont like them. Your damn right i dont like them. Thank you for not reading tge beginning of my story. Your advice will not helpbc its eeverything we have already done.
These children are abusing
These children are abusing your children. It is your duty as a mother to remove them from this horrible situation. They are not your children and you need to put your Bio kids health and safety first. Get out of there TODAY!
Amen to 20years, dear. Your
Amen to 20years, dear. Your FIRST priority is the kids YOU gave birth to, this situation could scar them for life. This ruination of your little family CAN'T be worth whatever you get out of the relationship. I'm not even going to address the girls' problems, that's an overwhelming nightmare that you are in no way handling at all, I'm not insulting you, please just remove you and YOUR babies from this toxicity ASAP.
Thank you. Not offended at
Thank you. Not offended at all. Your 100% correct i failed as step mother and no i cannot hanfle this. Iadmitted this along time ago. I love my baby boys too much to turn my back on this. I have to be on top of my game at all times. These ppl above have no idea how exhausting this is. This is not how life is supposed to be. I hate being home my boys need their.mommy back and laugh until they cry bc they deserve it. My SD dont deserve my kindness. They tell myself their father and my sister especially the youngest that she only does these things bc she doesnt like me and she doesnt know why. When we first had them home it was ok for awhile until i started to catch things here and there. I called their grandparents and thats when a little more detail came out. Scary detail! Thank you i appreciate your response
Oh My GOD!!! My jaw kept
:jawdrop: Oh My GOD!!! My jaw kept hitting the floor over and Over again while reading your story! I just can't believe a Mother would do this to her kids....I feel sick to my stomach
But as 20Years said...Your very 1st responsibility and duty is to Protect YOUR kids...Your Boys! U Can NOT let them live w these girls...They can't grow up like this or they will become damaged too...
The person who needs to step it UP is your HD, and their dad...They need a serious Pschyatrist! Not some lil therapist! But a specialist who knows how to Deal with kids who have been seriousely abused...He needs to get them the Help!!
And You need to get out of that house!!! U and your boys can't live like this...Ugh!
What a HORRIBLE situation to be in
Just remove yourself from it and take care of You and your sons...you Have to!
And tell your DH to get his head out of his ASS and find help for HIS kids!!!
My heart breaks for everyone
My heart breaks for everyone in this situation. I have no real advice. I seriously doubt that your dh would send them somewhere in patient to get the intensive therapy they need. I know you love your family and on a level still care about these girls but you own children are at risk. You need to put them first.
That's really an intense
That's really an intense situation you are in. From what you have shared, it seems these girls have been molded into criminally insane little ones by their previous caregivers. You may want to consider a live in facility for these 2 so they can have the round the clock psychiatric care that they obviously need. Not permanently, just until they can become stable enough to safely engage in a social setting. Are either of these girls in school? If so, what is their take on the girls' disposition? I wish you the most luck possible keeping the innocent safe during this very trying time.
Yes their in school. Im going
Yes their in school. Im going to parent teacher conferences this month. They get daily notes from school the oldest has a interruption issue during the teachers lessons. The youngest ,her teacher watches her like a hawk in class bc she thought something was wrong w her. She checks her book bag at the end of everyday bc she steals her things and the other childrens things.
Take your kids and leave.
Take your kids and leave. You can't watch them 24/7. They will be hurt again.
You have to protect your children.
Thank you!! Im trying!! I
Thank you!! Im trying!! I have talked to my husband and heknows as i save money iam moving. I want to move 3 hrs away. Its going to be amazing. I cannot wait to give my children their life back bc this life is unfair
This is really a horrible and
This is really a horrible and hopeless situation. It is horrible what has happened to your step kids... Horrible!. However don't try to "save" them at the detriment of your OWN children. You NEED to protect your babies!
Seriously i thank you deeply!
Seriously i thank you deeply! You hit the nail on the head. I cried reading this bc its seriously killing me inside. My emotions are numb its very hard for me to deal w this. I cant and i wont. Thank you thank thank you for your honesty.
To truley understand what I'm
To truley understand what I'm saying you have to understand me as a person. I'm always out to get off work s*** out. It pisses me off to see so many step mothers on here complaining unnecessarily about this SKs who are little and innocent. So please realize the severity. You have to get the girls out. Neither you nor your husband will be able to give the girls are kind of care that they need. They need 24/7 care and thearpy. There are places that take and children and I'm not talking foster care I'm talking institution when they can have intense therapy multiple times a day. My nephew in law had to go to a place like that as well. His BM damaged him so much and he had frontal lobe trauma to the severity that he has all the ear markings for a serial killer. CS and the state WILL foot the bill! I'm sure speak for many of us when I say this is exactly what I my tax dollars going to!!!!!! I want my taxes helping these girls so don't feel bad for applying and asking!!!!!
In the meantime, you have to get your kids out and you have to get them out now!! They are in danger!
Where do i start this
Where do i start this process? They need evaluated. Im keepinga journal of moments. Not the normal child acting out but the serious crazy stuff i record so i hope it helps. Thank you!
To truley understand what I'm
To truley understand what I'm saying you have to understand me as a person. I'm always out to get off work s*** out. It pisses me off to see so many step mothers on here complaining unnecessarily about this SKs who are little and innocent. So please realize the severity. You have to get the girls out. Neither you nor your husband will be able to give the girls are kind of care that they need. They need 24/7 care and thearpy. There are places that take and children and I'm not talking foster care I'm talking institution when they can have intense therapy multiple times a day. My nephew in law had to go to a place like that as well. His BM damaged him so much and he had frontal lobe trauma to the severity that he has all the ear markings for a serial killer. CS and the state WILL foot the bill! I'm sure speak for many of us when I say this is exactly what I my tax dollars going to!!!!!! I want my taxes helping these girls so don't feel bad for applying and asking!!!!!
In the meantime, you have to get your kids out and you have to get them out now!! They are in danger!
The next time you have an
The next time you have an incident you need call the police that will get the ball rolling. Grandparents need to have a RO barring them from having contact with the girls. Its a learned behavior and it sounds like the daughter was subject to it as well. Do your best to break the cycle before these little girls grow up and have kids they abuse!
so you dont want harsh feed
so you dont want harsh feed back? sounds like you want us to tell you to leave?
then leave we would all say leave. that doesnt negate the fact that the kids need a serious visit to a pediatrition that can recommend a good physiciatrist. not a therapist.
Sounds like you need to read
Sounds like you need to read it again. I dont need anyone to tell me to leave. I already know im leaving and so does my husband. I came here in hope that somone has been in this situation before and can tell me something i dont know. Like where to start or how to keep my family together. Its so serious their own father cannot stand it. I get enough shit from ppl that know these kids but they put on shows these ppl do not spend enough time with them ti see whats going on. So you who clearly did not read the beginning of my post. Give me your address ill bring these girls to you. Lets see how your life turns out in a month. Hopefully you have no children bc theyll be messed up in the head. If you have no kids be prepared to die in your sleep tge one night you forget to lock your door. I never found the nail clippers. She would not tell us we searched for three days straight dumping toy boxes. Tipping beds dressers imean we tore the house up tryingg to find them while she satw a blank stare as we told her to help find them or she needed to tell us wwhere they were. This was about 3 months ago. The youngest hits bites and pinches herself. They masterbate so often they get infections. Theyre private stays red. They cannot have toys in tgeir room bc they insert them. I have tried my hardest but this is my breaking point. Can i savemy family? Probably not. My boys and i are the family. I refuse to think back one day as i live my last days on earth thinking about the times i could have gotten my kids out. Or maybe theyll hate.me so much for pputting them through this. My husband needs a reality check. He cannot see what i mean until the pressure is all on him.
My heart is breaking for
My heart is breaking for those poor little girls. Seriously making me cry to think that these poor babies have been through so much already.
OP - I do sympathize with you as well, I understand YOUR priority has to be to protect your own little ones, but these girls, oh my, they need you too.
I agree with dtzy - look long and hard into getting them in patient treatment somewhere. I am sorry I am not in the US so I cannot offer any real help with where to go or who to talk to.
Try CPS again, demand action, demand help. Demand to talk to a supervisor - go all the way to the top if you have to, but keep asking, keep talking, keep begging - the louder you get the more they will have to listen.
But please I beg you - don't come at it with the same attitude you are showing here - I understand WHY you feel the way you do about these kids, but it will not help your case in begging for intervention and HELP for them if you come across like you hate them. TRY to muster up some feeling FOR them - so that when you beg for help it sounds like you want what is in their best interest - HELP to try and put these babies back together - that is what they need.
So please - I agree, take your babies and move out temporarily - but don't stop trying to get help for these girls, don't abandon them as well.
Are you at Ft Bragg or
Are you at Ft Bragg or LeJeune?
I am new to this site and
I am new to this site and have read several posts but this one horrifies me. You need to get out and protect your babies, that should be your #1 concern. Your children should not be subjected traumatized by this living situation. Don't feel guilty about walking away.
Those two girls need to be
Those two girls need to be separated. Honestly if I were in your shoes, I would take the boys, nephew, and move out with them. This is more then what you can fix and its at the cost of the innocent kids if you try. Damaged as bad as they are, there isn't much you can do or have to work with. Extremely sad situation I'm sorry but please protect your kids and your nephew.
I only got half way through
I only got half way through this and can't stand to read anymore. I didn't read any of the replies.
I am going to say this, and then leave this post because it makes me sick to my stomach.
Those girls need to be in a hospital with 24 hour supervision. They need help and you need to get the other kids away from them. This is beyond bad. BEYOND....
I can't read anymore.
What happened
This made me so sick for all involved, what ever became of all yall?