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O/T- Rough Patches in Relationship

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Hi...
For the last couple of months me and SOs relationship has taken a nose dive...We have had A LOT of changes this year, having to move out of a hell hole, not having enough money for pretty much anything, me not being able to finish my degree, getting fired/quitting my job(another hellish experience, luckily found something better)...mother diagnosed with BC. During all this DRAMA,we have been fighting and fighting almost every other day...for months

A few days will go by, where I will think "Wow, we haven't argued." Then Bang that night, I spoke too soon.

I'll give a brief synopsis of where my resentment comes into play:

SO makes 50,000/year I make 32,000 year....were renting(i hate renting)...but understand we have to because thats just how it is.
We live in Canada so we get taxed A LOT. SO's pay cheque every 2 weeks is 1400 take home.

Rent is 1900$/month
Hydro is 150$/month
Water is 50$
Oil(to heat the house) $400/month
CS is 600$
So A LOT of income is wasted on rent...I keep telling him I would rather downsize and rent something for 1200$ inclusive...he keeps refering back to the nightmare tenants we were dealing with...My income pays for groceries, gas, my car insurance, osap(college debt repayment) etc...sometimes its not enough...have very little savings at the moment.
He says he doesnt want to move in July when the lease is up because it was too much money to move and exscuse after exscuse. This 1900$/month is killing us financially. I want to own my first home in my 30's, im 28 now...Is 1900$/month for rent too much money when your renting? I think it is...I dont even think mortgages are that much generally. I would rather rent something mediocre and save for a house, then waste an excess of $700 to make someone else rich than ourselves.
He really flipped out yesterday and was saying "Broken Im going to have a Heart Attack, you do know im going to lose my job." All because we are LATE with hydro/water bill..I get its stressful..Im not concerned as much as I should... mainly because I resent forking over 1900$/month rent plus utilities which are like $600 extra.
I say things sometimes which seem like I dont care and I get how he would interpret it that way(I would too) like..."If I stayed with my parents I would have money saved and probably would have been graduated by now." He doesnt have a car, our only method of transportation is my vehicle and he is always driving it...sometimes I say, "Sometimes I'd like to drive my vehicle too."(because its my vehicle and Id like to drive too). Or when his ex wife asks if I own MY Vehicle, I bring it up to him, "I had that vehicle before we met."(when shes being a money hungry bitch).

Sex life has taken a nose dive..Yesterday, I did this with my ex as well, I asked him "How come you did x y z for(insert some sluts from his pasts name)on valentines day, but not me?" Before when we were courting lol, he was very into little things flowers etc, 2 years later nil...not much effort for birthdays/valentines. I put significant effort and save to make him feel special. I am resenting A LOT of things... I dont want to lose him, but sometimes I feel like I have given up more than he has...its like that movie the 5 year engagement, I am Jason Segel.
Im no angel either I realize..too much going on.

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Rent AND heat seem pretty damn high to me but I don't know how big of a house you are living in. Depending on where you live, I am sure you could downgrade to something not QUITE as nice so you could save up easier.

I wonder what your DH's "real" problem is. Because I have discovered with my own hubby that oftentimes the problem HE has is not the "real" problem. Maybe he is afraid his kids won't come to visit if there is no room for them...? I don't know.

I would also go to the upper right hand corner of this site and search for "frugal" on Steptalk.org. I know that a few posts have been made concerning saving money. Maybe you can figure out some money saving ideas.

ltman's picture

How big is this place? 1900 is high. You're housing cost should be up to a third of you monthly take home. How did you get into this place?