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I don't HATE my SD. Anymore. But...

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 12:06am

I have a BD12. and I have the SD11 for a week on and a week off. Anyway, things with the SD have been HARD-lots of friction between she and I for lots of reasons. Things are better now, but she is STILL disgusting, manipulative, EXTEMELY self-centered, and calculating. She is a liar, she is fake, she is basically her mother. And her mother is a narcissistic sociopath.
SD puts on a good front but I know who she is and she REALIZES THAT I KNOW her little secret. **that's what it's like-a little secret**
Dh is completely blind. Believes every word she says, she can do no wrong, etc. For example, the other night we broke it to the kids that THEIR job to clean up the kitchen after dinner. BD was like, "what? what did WE do." Like it was a punishment or something. BD was fine when we told them it was a new chore in place of the ones they have now. While SD said, "ok, you guys cook so." They cleaned up the kitchen, but the serving dishes that SD washed were still dirty and she just left them in the unclean sink, st QUIT. She stomped to her room, shut the door, and stayed there for the rest of the night. Later, Dh made a remark that BD wasn't too happy and had an attitude about the chore. I informed him that he missed the part where I explained that we were just exchanging chores. Then I added that SD's dishes were still dirty, left in the sink, and didn't he notice how she stompped and slammed and pouted in her room til bedtime?
Anyway, my point was that when Sd isn't here, things are really smooth, without conflict, but when Sd is here, EVRYONE is tense. You can feel it and the moment Sd leaves, it is lifted. The air actually feels breathable. Everyone is relaxed and happy. It's really hard to switch gears like that. I feel like I'm living two lives. Even in my monthly planner, and this is sick, I write "happy week" on the weeks that my Sd isn't here. Anyone else feel a little crazy like this?

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whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 7:31am

The air actually feels breathable.

I understand how this feels. DH put SD17 at MIL's to live and the whole house has shifted.

Recently my SD14 came in from out of town for 5 weeks. Her sister SD17 was still living with us at the time (SD17 is with us SD14 lives with BM). SD17 was only there 10 days before DH and her came to the conclusion that she had to go.

Reason, I had disengaged and kept my mouth shut tight for over a year. SD17 thinks that she is the parent of SD14 and often takes on the parenting wife role to husband adn SD14. She does it every time SD14 is here. I am very close with SD14 and decided I was not going to stand by and watch this shit again for another summer visitation.

Warned DH I was coming un-disengaged and if I heard SD17 bullying this child I would give him two shots to get it straightened out for the remainder of the month. It is tense when just SD17 is there as she and I dont speak and she doesnt speak to my DD's either. So the added bully/parenting of SD14 wasnt happening this year.

First time came when she threw a remote accross the room and stomped off because SD14 was engaging in making dinner with me and my DD's. SD17 was pissed she was speaking to us and chucked the remote and stomped off. I told DH, you better get on that. Second time, SD14 said she would meet my DD's somewhere and SD17 was pissed because they didnt wait for her. She Mf'd SD14 up and down...DH got the second warning. The next day SD17 moved out.

I think DH was scared to death...

I actually dont mind going home now ...:::))))

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 10:56pm

I love home when sd isn't around and I feel like I need some Xanax when she is here. I just got off of the Xanax recently, but my nerves are shot, so I am totally going back on it ASAP.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

Submitted by OMG_Why_Me on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 7:07am

I look forward to the weekends when it's just my DH and myself, no kids at all, even the bio's. My planner shows those weekends with little red hearts.....

I love those times!

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 8:46am

I completely understand that feeling of pure relief!! sd13 is only here eowe at best. when she actually comes here to visit instead of them staying with family for the weekend since she lives a few hours away and so has siblings he visits.
She does something to immediately cause problems. I'm not sure what it is. But it's like she's trying to "take over" the place as soon as she walks in. And she's only 13 almost 14. I'm like wtf?

She creates things that are like big secrets or shared things with her dad. I'm just sitting here thinking you know, if you could act like a normal kid, we could have a good time when you're here. But just bc you showed up doesn't mean our lives stop each time. We can turn this place into party central just bc you're here.

And like everyone else here..... the so has allowed this crap to go on. He can't SEE the issues that he has let go on and on.
I think that is the most frustrating.

Since sd13 busted her ankle, she's prolly not coming to visit here for a few weeks. At least til mid Sept. Yay!!!
but last weekend my dd20 came to visit for the day and we did some grocery shopping and stuff w my so. it was a fun day and we came home and cooked. It was fun and there was no pressure or bs.

My so commented last night that he wished sd13 could have been here to enjoy the day.
I just was like ok. Idiot..if sd13 had been here there would have been NO day!! My dd20 doesn't want to be around your snotty ass brat!
And neither do it!!!
I'm doing the happy dance as long as I can for the peace and quiet in this house!!

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 10:53pm

Oh my gosh...the chores...I QUIT the chores and allowance for Sd11 because I'm not paying her for sitting on her ass, and my GOD when I used to ask her to do her chores holy sh*t the attitude!! Stomp, slam, huff, puff, sign, then be a little b*tch for the rest of the day. Dh doesn't remind her or tell her to do anything, but he still pays her about half the time. You're right, it DOES help to not be the bad guy. Also, she is such a slob, I only do the bare essentials of housework when SD is here because I am not going to expend my energy so SD can mess it up. I clean bigtime on the glorious day that she leaves.