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Every time we talk about stepkids, my anxiety goes through the roof

bronx mom's picture

Submitted by bronx mom on Thu, 07/18/2013 - 9:51am

After years of financial and personal anxiety-- stepkids' mom repeatedly threatening to take DH to court for more when we were in danger of not paying mortgage and were drowning in debt-- I have finally separated my money, put the house in my name, protected myself. DH pays me a pro-rata share of his income in "rent" and what he does with the rest is up to him.

I have disengaged.

Stepson has moved out of our house. He's his mom's problem.

But the minute I hear anything about them, my pulse starts racing and the anxiety/rage bubbles right back up to the surface. The exwife called this morning talking about her plans to rent stepson21 a $1000 studio in brooklyn (DH is going to look at it today), how the daughter19 is going to share a $4K apartment on the Upper East Side with her wealthy best friend... when one parent is unemployed and the other earns less than 40K... I just want to explode all over again.

Yes, they are delusional...But why do I even care?

Comments

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Thu, 07/18/2013 - 9:59am

I think you need to disengage from receiving the information about the skids. If it makes your blood boil, then tell DH that you can't listen to that crap anymore. Like you said, you've taken great strides to protect yourself, DH pays you what you need the rest is his. Any future mistakes he makes, he will learn as long as you don't bail him out.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 07/18/2013 - 10:05am

You need to step out of all of it. There is no communication with DH about my SD. Now I even have him emailing me anything at all and then I reply with a one word answer. If we talk about, my anxiety and resentment start growing...

He meets her once in awhile and only needs to inform me of that, nothing else!!! This is working better for us than anything else.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Thu, 07/18/2013 - 10:55am

You may have a bit of PTSD. I had the same response to news about or contact with SD/BM. It's pure anxiety. A little Xanax took the edge off long enough for me to realize what it was, simply a panic-trigger. It's much better now, after a year of low/no contact with either of them.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Submitted by thebrokenrecord... on Thu, 07/18/2013 - 12:22pm

Wow, this is what I am dealing with too. I suffered from severe panic attacks after the removal of the Mirena IUD(sorry if its irrelevant) and when SO would mention his kids or BM, my heart just clenches, mirena really exacerbated the anxiety. These people can make you sick...now my anxiety is under control.
We have little to no contact with BM, except when she wants her money, I know this is bad but when its approaching the first of the moth or SO mentions that she called, I look thru his phone to see when she did and if other misleading BS is going on.(i wrote a blog about it on monday). But this is what the paranoia of anxiety can do to you.
Your making the right step by just choosing not to listen, mention this to SO. Thats what I did, sometimes they do slip, but eventually they will get it, you dont want to hear.
And I am sorry if your 18 or older, its time to be financially responsible for yourself, sounds like the BM wants your DH to pay for the apartment and the kids dont have a reality check, rent what you can afford!
Toxic people can really make you sick!
Good Luck!