Is this strange to you? How would you handle it? Thoughts??

SD11 is one of those people who thinks "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you, either." Or "if I'm not having fun, you shouldn't either." With that said.. I'm having some issues with that and her behavior.

DD7 would do anything for SD11, even though the feeling is far from mutual on SD's part. I think she would enjoy it if DD just disappeared. She seems indifferent about DS4. And just so there is no confusion, DD7 and DS4 are my only children and they were with DH.

DD7 loves doing anything crafty. She loves dolls, her doll house, barbies etc.. Anything girly or with crafts. Most of the time, SD11 does not want to play or interact with DD7. I totally understand, SD11 is 11 and starting to get to the age of not wanting to play as much as she used to. I know she would rather watch T.V or whatever. But, whenever DD7 and I are doing something, SD11 will come in and just stare at us. No words. Just a weird stare. I have asked NUMEROUS times if she would like to join. Her answer is always no and then she'll walk away. Ok..? Strange. We don't ignore her at all. We always try to include her,but she loves being miserable. It's especially irritating when DD7 will ask her if she wants to do something and SD doesn't want to and when SD sees DD has moved on to doing something else,SD will come over and try to pry DD away from whoever or whatever she is playing with.

I just find it strange. SD doesn't want to play with DD7, but will act all weird if DD doesn't get upset and just finds something else to do.

I know for a while, DD7 would beg SD to do something with her and it seemed like SD enjoyed the begging from DD. DD seemed to figure out what was going on and stopped doing it and that is when SD started her weird staring and trying to pry DD away from whoever or whatever she was playing with.

Any thoughts????

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Maybe she wants you and her

Maybe she wants you and her to do something together? Maybe she stares because she wants to do "mother daughter" stuff.....but doesn't want to join in on dds time. Not out of any courtesy to did, but because its not special for her. I think she might he looking for the interaction that you two are having, but not the actual activity. She might not even want to do it with you specifically....but she wants to be the daughter in a mom daughter activity. So she's torn between wanting to join in for the experience, but she doesn't want to do it with you and dd. Almost like she wants to be dd and wants you to be her mom.

Her interaction s with your daughter sound like a control issue. She likes controlling the situation. If dd wants to play, she says no so that she's tuebone in control. When dd moves on and find something to do, she pulls her away to exhert her control.

I have tried to do things

I have tried to do things with her and interact with her. I've pretty much disengaged from her lately because she almost refuses to speak to me. She has made it pretty clear that she isn't a fan of mine

Yeah. I think she wants that

Yeah. I think she wants that mother daughter relationship....but not with you. She wants that interaction with her own mom.

Kinda like when you are single and see a lovey dove couple.....it makes you want a similar relationship.....not that you want to join the in a threesome. Or when a childless woman sees a mom playing with her new baby. She wants that....but with her own baby....not to just join in oogling that other womans baby.

You and your daughter have a relationship that her is envious of. She probably isn't able to rationalize these conflicted feelings, which is why she seems to reject what she seems to be wanting to do.

Maybe she wants you and her

Maybe she would like it if

Maybe she would like it if you or DD suggested an activity that she enjoys that is more age-appropriate? Or maybe just ask her what an activity is that she'd like to do and partake in it? It sounds like the staring may be an emotional game she's trying to play to mess with you or DD. I'm sure she doesn't realize it yet, but by her saying no, she has nobody to blame but herself!

I have tried. DD7 has tried.

I have tried. DD7 has tried. SD11 refuses and seems to enjoy being miserable. Now that I think about it, this weird staring is starting to happen more often than just "watching us" Now it's turned into a creeper stare. I'll be in the kitchen and I'll look out my sliding screen door to her staring at me from the other side of the yard. Or I'll be checking email, cooking, talking to DH, etc and I'll get the feeling of being watched and it's her just staring at me out of the corner of her eye. Strange.

I had a sd who was an

I had a sd who was an observer too. ALWAYS watching and studying, and like yours, withholding herself for whatever reason. If she did participate, no matter how fun or cool said event was, we would never get a thank you. As in going out of her way to not to thank us when every other kid invited said "gee thanks! That was a blast!" I don't know. I think a thank you was admitting she did enjoy herself, and enjoying herself would be "cheating on mom" who has done a number on both kids with PAS. There were many times, after a trip doing something fun, id overhear her telling bm how bored she was and how she couldnt wait to go home. Both kids are now grown and it's heartbreaking because the relationships are in tatters. Not what I wanted at all, but nothing I can do about it.

I had a sd who was an

I had a sd who was an observer too. ALWAYS watching and studying, and like yours, withholding herself for whatever reason. If she did participate, no matter how fun or cool said event was, we would never get a thank you. As in going out of her way to not to thank us when every other kid invited said "gee thanks! That was a blast!" I don't know. I think a thank you was admitting she did enjoy herself, and enjoying herself would be "cheating on mom" who has done a number on both kids with PAS. There were many times, after a trip doing something fun, like an amusement park or a to the theatre To see a play, I would overhear her telling bm how bored she was and how she couldn't wait to go home. Both kids are now grown and it's heartbreaking because the relationships are in tatters. Not what I wanted at all, but nothing I can do about it.

I don't know if this is the

I don't know if this is the same thing but I understand the strange behavior. DH's kids are SD14, SS13 and SS12. A few years ago when SD would come over with her brothers, she would always look for attention. If her brothers were playing quietly together, she would deliberately go and take things from them, yell at them etc. If we were playing a game, she would say no to playing but then almost have a temper tantrum and become extremely demanding.

We would do everything to try and do things she would be interested in too. We got the staring, the yelling in our ears, throwing things etc.

OMG...just writing about it makes me sick. Thank God she no longer comes to visit and stay over!

I think she wants that type

I think she wants that type relationship with her own mother. She may be lacking that and could be a victim of her mother telling her lies about you. She maybe observing what appears to be normal behavior and is longing for it - but unsure how to feel about it with you.

My step-daughter used to do the same. Stare and watch me do things. Now she joins in and participates. But it was because her mother and grandmother were telling her lies about me and she was actually watching the opposite.

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Is this strange to you? How would you handle it? Thoughts??

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