If a bm "bringing the nightmare on" isn't a good idea...
For those of you who do have kids, whether it's with dh or an ex, what would YOU do if you weren't with your kids dad, and you disagreed with him/them on so something? Maybe your kid was biting nails as a nervous habit. No Bite targets the not biting nails, but it doesn't target the nervousness/anxiety. What would you do if sm hit your kid? What would you do if someone said harsh things to your kids about your town, or anything else about you? How do you handle any disagreements with your ex? I still feel that if ANYONE were to lay a hand on my kid (I don't have any) they'd better watch out, regardless of what went on before with my kid.
I disengaged from SDs at one point to avoid doing something like this. I don't give a rats a$$ what bm thinks/thought of it. When I disengaged dh started to step up and start parenting better. That seems to happen often when SMs disengage. These guys have no other choice than to take on more responsibility for their kids. You have bios? Disengage from sks and let them and bios see DAD/stepdad start holding them ALL to the same rules.
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Really? Regardless of what
Really? Regardless of what happened before with your kid? If your kid was physically assaulting someone, saying the most horrible things a human being could ever say to another person, cornering them and goading them and making threats to their face, if the person "laid a hand" on your kid, you'd still have a problem with it?
I'd GIVE them the go ahead to pop the little asshole in its mouth.
Damn, and here we wonder why children of this generation grow up disrespectful and violent and fearless of consequences. Not even willing to let them learn a lesson because we can't stand the thought of our "poor little babies" being touched in "a bad way" by someone who isn't us.
If you're going to play with fire, prepare for when, not if you get burned. As a PARENT, if I didn't at least teach my kids that, I'd be a fucking failure.
Agreed, I can honestly with
Agreed, I can honestly with 100% of my being say that if DH and I were not together and there was a SM involved and she cracked my BS3 because he was being obnoxious, disrespectful, violent etc. I would NOT have a problem with that. Hell, I went to a parochial school where we got cracked for simply talking during class. I can tell you I got cracked once in 1st grade and I NEVER disrupted class again.
I now work in public education and the behavior of a lot of these children is disgusting and the lack of consequences is exactly why. If I had a dime for every kid teachers have attempted to remove from the classroom who say "I'm not leaving and you can't lay a finger on me" I'd be a freaking millionaire. We actually had an incident where 2 girls were fighting in the hall way, the SRO came to break it up.. pulled the one girl off the other and ended up on the floor in a pile. Well, the girls mother filed a complaint, said the SRO used excessive force, blah blah blah.. and SRO got removed from the school "pending an investigation"
WTF has happened to our society??
Yep. I feel the same way. I
Yep. I feel the same way. I have a group of friends that I grew up with, playing sports together and our families are all friends also. We tell each other when we are together, "feel free to yell at my kids or do what you need to do" -because we respect their authority and parenting skills and we know that our kids aren't always angels.
so we just make sure they know that they can treat our kids the way we treat our own. And heck, maybe we can learn a trick or two from each other.
"If you're going to play with
"If you're going to play with fire, prepare for when, not if you get burned. As a PARENT, if I didn't at least teach my kids that, I'd be a fucking failure."
I'd agree when it's minors vs minors or adults vs adults.
A 200lb 14 year old will be
A 200lb 14 year old will be treated as though he/she is an adult. Hell, whatever the age, if my kids want to act older than their years and physically or verbally abuse someone, I give whoever it is my full blessing to knock them on their ass in proportion to the kind of abuse they were receiving.
I've seen gigantic kids make small frail adults cower with their verbage and physical violence. Your idea of minors is the poor lanky undersized pipsqueak who is not likely to even begin these confrontations--the ones that actually do this are by no means scared and frail little children who escalate it to that point.
Obviously not excessive violence but enough to either shock them out of it or back off.
Yup, exactly. My SD is about
Yup, exactly.
My SD is about to turn 13, her dad is 6"3 and her mum is 5"11.
She's a TALL kid, and weighs about 75kg.
I'm 5"3 and about 65kg.
This kid is way bigger and wider than me. At the moment she hasn't gone toe to toe with me but if and when she does I will not hesitate to slap her face.
If she looks and acts like she's all big and tough she can prepare to be treated like it.
AND
As a BM, as I said on the last thread along these lines, IF my dd's ever disrespected their SM to that point I would wholeheartedly stand by their SM, I know the lady, (and I know my kids so I'm pretty positive it wouldn't happen - but teenagers are monsters
so who knows for sure!)
Agree. This generation is
Agree. This generation is most disrespectful & fearless. They don't care about taunting adults, authority figures, even other kids. In fact, they YouTube it!
If I ever did anything like that to my parent of stepparent (the post that blogger is referring to) at a party, for sure I would get slapped so hard in my mouth but that would just be the icebreaker to my punishment.
I've never raised my hand to skid, in fact skid threatened he'll call the cops on me! For what? But sure, knock yourself out & maybe you can explain what's up with all the broken stuff on the floor. But if he were to lay a hand on me, DH & I are already prepared, we've had that conversation.
Ditto.
Ditto.
double ditto.
double ditto.
Same here
Same here
Anon, why are you obsessing
Anon, why are you obsessing on this? You have started like a new thread every day about how step mothers better not touch your kids...etc etc.
Thanks for asking this question. IT's getting weird.
Agree .. hate to say it, but
Agree .. hate to say it, but it's starting to sound like our BM. I've never laid a hand on those kids, and DH has spanked them less than a handful of times in the past 3 years.
Doesn't change the fact that she still makes comments like, "I would KILL anyone who ever messed with or laid a finger on my babies!" :?
Blech! I hate bandaids. I
Blech! I hate bandaids. I have 4 kids and I hate finding bandaids.
Oh God yeah. the band aid.
Oh God yeah. the band aid. Left laying around.
Between the 4 of them (younger ones - thankfully my adult dd's don't do this anymore LOL) I am SOOOOO over the used bandaid.
Gross.
But I have to say - one of the houses I clean. There are adult sons, all working - tradies. Youngest is 19, then 21 and 22. And all freakin three of them leave used bandaids laying around. It's ICKY enough in my own house with my own bloody kids. This just absolutely grosses me out.
As does the white stuff down the shower glass..... is it shampoo? Is it other stuff? Do I really want to know? Rubber gloves job that one for sure....
Sorry to go OT.... mind is wandering a little today, definitely deranged...
I have been wondering the
I have been wondering the same thing. All of her posts are like she is collecting material for a book or soemthing.
I have noticed that too and
I have noticed that too and it was starting to make me wonder. Normally she will post a question instead of a situation like most everyone else.
I put no bite on my SDs
I put no bite on my SDs fingers and hot sauce and anything else I could think of. I also dressed her for her wedding and made her veil cuz BM is a POS. She "threatened" me. I suggested she pay some cs or actually parent her kid...I would do the same for DD if she always had her fingers stuck in her face.
We put Proactive on skids
We put Proactive on skids face without telling BM before, is that wrong?
Look down. Already in
Look down. Already in }:)
LOL@OldHag. My BM would
LOL@OldHag. My BM would somehow translate "shower" into "we power-washed them on the deck in 0 degree weather with ammonia"
Oh I can go one better than
Oh I can go one better than that - I forced them to eat vegetables....
I am going to hell for sure...
(bm even called me a c*nt for doing it!!!)
Hasn't this been addressed
Hasn't this been addressed allready ad nauseum? Everyday for what 3he days are tou hoping if you word it different evsryone will eventually agree and sing combuya or whatever. No way everyone is going to agree, everyone parents/copatents/parallel parents, ignores the kids, helicopter, tiger moms different. Or is it the draaaammmaa this topic brings?
Smart phones aren't quite
Smart phones aren't quite smart are they? LMFAO
Ummm..I dunno. I am reserving
Ummm..I dunno. I am reserving judgement on that. We have both been members of these boards for several years and she has held her own quite nicely in the past. This whole questioning line that she is taking in her blogs is relatively new.
I had a puppy who decided to
I had a puppy who decided to eat everything in sight. The landscaping, window sills, sheetrock walls.
In desperation I put tobacco on a bunch of stuff. Cured that immediately.
You cannot believe how many people on another site thought I was a horrible abusive person for doing that. Still think having a burning tongue (from a totally edible substance) was better than my puppy swallowing wood splinters.
The nail biting thing always reminds me of that.
Wow! Tobacco? I wish I knew
Wow! Tobacco? I wish I knew that for our dogs before breaking out the bitter apple--when that stuff gets on your hands OMG there is nothing you can eat or do. Like when you touch those old rubber bands?
But then again, tobacco's getting expensive.
How funny that I put tobacco
How funny that I put tobacco (or it auto corrected) - I meant Tabasco. Hot sauce. Any kind really.
My dog might like tobacco. I think nicotine is a poison in high enough concentration so no tobacco for my doggie. I can just see him developing a new
"chew" habit.
I actually had a dog that did
I actually had a dog that did this. Ate the entire hot sauce dabbled baseboard off a hallway wall and then proceeded to eat half the bathroom door.
And that's AFTER he chewed his way out of a metal crate. :O
I am SO going to do that with
I am SO going to do that with my dog! The Fluffy White Beast sneaks around at night looking for tissue paper to snack on. Seriously, what kind of dog sneaks around at night eating tissues!? Even used ones! Stupid animal! He eats so much tissues, his crap is white.
Ugh stupid smartphone
Ugh stupid smartphone oxymoron lol. Either that or at this point in 6 straight 12 hr days I'm burnt and type like a crazy lady on crack from the south end. 18 shifts left, 18 shifts left. Someone save me vodka and lemons k?
I'm with a few of these other
I'm with a few of these other posters. Why are you blogging about this so much?
If there is a reason, sharing it might get you better answers.
If you are not satisfied with the answers so far, continuing to blog about it isn't going to get you new ones.
Just sayin.
OP, if a SP were to hit my
OP, if a SP were to hit my kid, they better be ready to fight me. The only exception to that would be if my son were to hit first. But to hit him for mouthing off???? no way would that fly with me. If I were in a relationship with a man who hit my kid, the relationship would be over.
If you're willing to slap a kid, you should be able to go toe to toe with an adult.
I'm all for SPs having the power to punish but I draw the line at hitting.
Personally I think the No
Personally I think the No bite and hitting aren't even in the same league. I think stepparents should have the authority to discipline the children with any reasonable method, but draw the line at hitting. I am a reasonable person and if I found out someone was using a method I didn't like, I could discuss it rationally and hopefully come to some kind of peaceful resolution.
In fact, my rule with my kids has always been that when they are in school or at someone else's home, they are do to anything an adult requests of them that will not physically harm them or that is not illegal. They are allowed to let me know if they were asked to do something they did not like or did not agree with so I can address it with the adult in question if I feel that is necessary. I am very strict and I would consider myself a failure as a parent if my kids were acting like assholes.
BUT NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, IF YOU HIT MY KIDS I'M TAKING YOU OUT. Then I will deal with my kids.
I think when the cops come to
I think when the cops come to arrest both the SD and the SM for assaulting each other, they will have room in the paddy wagon for BM too, if she insists on joining in!
Gee, no wonder the kid is hitting people!! with the what I call chicken heading of our representative BMs here!
That is what I personally think op is going for ... A chickenhead type reaction. Why?? Who knows.
Bonding against evil stepmom?? What else is new?????!!!!
Hey, just think of, "oh no
Hey, just think of, "oh no she didn't"!! With your head moving left/right back/ forth, like an actual chicken in the barnyard!!
My SD does this all the time, it is very disturbing to see her act like she is in a bad sitcom or something!
Ideally, to anyone who would do this, someone would respond, "mmm hmm" or even "preach"!!
Also correct to say, only some BMs ... Not all!!
I have to be quite clear: I
I have to be quite clear: I didn't write this because I'm a bm (I have no bios) but because I cannot believe that there were people who agreed with a sm who HIT her sd. The sd didn't hit first. The sm did. If I had a kid and he/she was being a pain, take away a privelege or send them to their room or both, by all means. But HIT my kid, and you will regret it.
About that no bite, I think it's wrong because it may only treat the surface of the problem. The kid may have an anxiety issue. It's worthwhile to check that possibility out.
About unloading on the kids, I feel it is useless. If you're that angry, that's anger better given to the parents. Maybe it'll help the PARENTS to change.
Well, we're Bio Mothers too.
Well, we're Bio Mothers too. At least some of us are. And as you can see, we love our children but we know love means disciplining them also so that they won't be in the negative when it comes to social skills & respect. As some of us mentioned, if we ever went up in to an adults face like in Tom's situation---in public--our parents would have taken us down a couple notches---in public.
In some of our opinions, if you allow your child (A CHILD!!) to take on the role of an aggressor--against an adult--an adult that is loved by your parent but the child chooses NOT to accept (and this is the difference--the SM merely existed in Tom's life) & you let the child get away with it by bringing in the police drama etc, you have just taught your child how powerful her immature logic is & how she can get adults to move based on her disrespectful actions. Those kids usually grow up to be manipulative people & they can work people!
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
- New King James Version (NKJV)
I'd like to add, I've never
I'd like to add, I've never slapped my skid. Though not even DH would blame me if I did because he's a mess. I think it's because I don't love him. My BD was raised right, she'd never keep challenging her SM like that.
Here's Tom's original blog about his daughters & her feelings toward her SM: http://steptalk.org/node/136709
If I had a SD like that, Tom would be back in court with me on the other side.
I think if the cops were
I think if the cops were brought in, the kid would get in trouble too, and would maybe take it seriously, to learn to respect authority/elders.
To me this SM is the only one who is parenting the child, that SD is not in charge!
I don't think the SM would go anywhere, based on what this SD wants, really?? No.
If I were that SM I would call the cops on the kid and her mother, if BM wanted to be a badass, they can both get locked up/fined, etc.
Put it on SD's 'permanent record'!! I'm serious!
I'd like to add - at 14 the
I'd like to add - at 14 the sd is not really a "child" any more.
At 14 both of my now grown dd's were as tall (one was taller) than me. SD is 13 next month, she is about 2 inches taller and has a good 10kg weight advantage on me as well.
If these "children" are in our faces "abusing" us verbally and acting the big "I am" then sometimes taking away a privilege is not the answer.
I went to an amateur boxing
I went to an amateur boxing match, so it's really like sparring for charity, they had little kids matched with each other, it was cute to see. Then came in the future of boxing, a 15 year old MASSIVE 250 lb 6 foot machine. He was matched against men. Totally frightened them said some words like "OK old man, let's do this". LOL the kid won both times.
Anon I don't think you get
Anon I don't think you get our point of view. We are all human and it was a knee jerk reaction and it had been boiling and festering to get to the point that that sm hit. The girl needed to be put in her place. Now again I'm not saying what sm did was right but human yes. From what the Tom wrote it had been coming to a head for a while but he choose to do nothing about. Again how much does anyone expect some to take before it hit the fan?
Tom failed them both by not teaching hus kid respect weather she likes that person or not.
Thus was a one time thing from what Tom wrote and it doesn't require a call to the police but more of an acknowledgement that Tom failed and needs to fix it before it gets to that point again.
Calling the police will just let hus DD know she spew whatever crap she want with ni consiquenses and for Tom to lose hus wife. Which is what his DD wants according to Tim himself.
If sm hit SD fir the heck of it then yes sm would be and should be in jail. But b/c of the cercomstances nit thus time. I hope thar makes more sense to you.
I have said before I've been there with my mom and my DD and I can tell you it was a knee jerk reaction to just having enough and react to it. I'm human and so is my mom and so is this sm.