S/O being extremely petty

S/O and I have been together for 3 years now. So this is sort of o/t but he makes 4x more at work than I do. I enjoy my job, but I only make enough to get by. He works from home and plays video games all day, just gets paid for his knowledge when needed..
I recently came to some tough financial times due to needing dental work that insurance won't cover, a high vet bill for my cat, and I need another small medical procedure done. I also need new glasses and tires for my car.
We keep finances separate as he doesnt want us to combine incomes for various reasons.

Well Im on a strict budget and recently when we went grocery shopping he put a bunch of choclate bars in the cart for himself that would put us over budget (i only budget a certain amount and can't go over). He got mad and told me to put some of MY stuff back then.
It was quite embarrassing but to avoid a scene I did it.
Later he almost tore my head off and yelled at me about this, saying how dare I ask him not to get his snacks when I get yogurt and he doesn't eat it?
So he informed me that going forward he's not paying for half any grocery items that I only eat..he will only pay for half the shared groceries thats it..that he makes way more money and its not his fault that I don't so why should he pay for any of my groceries?

So basically from now on when we grocery shop we split shared groceries, and have to shop separately for snacks etc

Being that he's petty about this (at the moment no I can't leave, not with all this overhead..I have no family here or friends to help me out) I decided to be petty and tell him then he can not feed his kids (SD5 and SS10) with food I pay half for. Why should I pay for groceries that his kids will eat? He said fine then! That he will buy them their own food separately.
This whole grocery shopping situation is gonna be extremely complicated, because of him.
Im literally shocked and appalled. I feel like I am being punished for not making as much money. I am not looking for a free ride..not at all. I budget accordingly, I pay for all my own stuff, Im not asking for anything. However I don't need it thrown in my face that I don't make as much and be made to feel inferior and that I am now on my own for groceries.
He won't back down.

I decided from now on when he has the skids, he gets absolutely no help from me. I have detached a long time ago, as I did explain to him from the very beginning that I never wanted kids and don't want parental responsibilities, he was ok with it and it hasn't been an issue. Well, I guess from now on, he gets absolutely no help from me either. He doesn't get to pull what he did and then expect a free babysitter etc. Not my fault he chose to have kids and I didn't..kinda like not his fault he makes more than I do.

What the idiot doesn't realize, is I don't eat nearly as much as him..he needs a lot more snacks, and food than I do..so he's gonna start to see that he's paying A LOT more for the unshared groceries than I am because of it..

Ugh how would any of you deal with this if you weren't able to leave just yet?

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That is the craziest thing I

That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. I hope you are planning an exit strategy for when you get back on your feet financially.

How anyone could treat their SO like that is beyond me, Not only should he not be a dick about groceries, why didn't he offer to help with your extra expenses? That is what people in a relationship do - especially if they live together.

I am sorry, even though my SD drives me up a fucking wall - I put up with her bc I love my DH so much. I would walk out the door if he ever degraded me like that in public, especailly over yogurt and chocolate bars. Your SO is an asshole.

Thank you...he has a way of

Thank you...he has a way of sometimes making me think that maybe Im in the wrong, how dare I expect help and that maybe it is my fault for not making as much money as him. Yes I will leave him as soon as my overhead is paid off. For now Im gonna pay for all the things I need done, get out of debt, then start saving up to get my own place. My car is almost paid off so Im going to concentrate on that as well so I don't have to get rid of it and bus it again. This may all take about a year..but at least putting forth a plan and sticking to it makes me feel better

I forgot to mention, before this job, he was not getting paid as much, he was also struggling due to child support. I wasn't able to financially help out but at least I did help where I could by putting stuff on my credit card for him numerous times (he did pay it off yes) when he needed to make a payment and couldn't afford it. That was my way of helping him out..I could've left him hanging but I don't do that to people I love. This is the thanks I get.

He also informed me if we are out and about and I get hungry, I am to buy my own food..otherwise I can just bring a granola bar. He's so sweet!!!

LOL too funny!! Well get

LOL too funny!!

Well get this, since he sits home on his ass all day, when I get home he literally jumps all over me asking if theres anywhere we need to go because he's so stir crazy!! So I just let him know ok walmart, and I need to pick up a prescription..and he says ok lets go I'll take you!
He offers so I say ok.

Well now he's telling me he's sick of driving me around and that its his gas we are using and I can run my own errands..
LOL

I said with pleasure, I will be doing that this weekend when you have the kids.
I think he wants a reaction as well..he's not getting it. or maybe he's trying to control things by throwing money in my face.
He doesn't realize theres a few guys vying for my attention and well, he's definitly not the best looking guy around, and everyone wonders why Im with him since his personality isn't exactly attractive either...hmmm, he must think I love him so much that I'd be willing to do anything for him.
He also told me he's been thinking of breaking up with me..maybe another control tactic..I just rolled my eyes and said I wish...

Its BOTH our place..so he

Its BOTH our place..so he can't kick me out..he doesn't have that right.
Im shocked he hasn't forced me out of undergound parking. He has complained that he should have it since his car is a lot more expensive than my "beater"..I drive a G6, its in excellent condition but apparently its a beater because its not like his $850 a month Sports car...

What a selfish prick. Buy and

What a selfish prick.

Buy and cook for yourself. lots of roommates do this. Sorry it has to come to this but I can see how you can't afford to pay for groceries and extras for a whole family.

Ummm... I'm going to tell you

Ummm... I'm going to tell you straight up that I didn't read all of that.
What I would do is budget for myself, grocery shop for myself and cook for myself. Heck, while I'm at it I might just pleasure my damn self too (couldn't see myself being attracted to him in any way to allow him to touch me).
Like PP said, I hope you're planning you exit strategy.

Wow. All that over a few

Wow. All that over a few chocolate bars? Of coarse it probably never occured to him to just spot you a ten to pay for them right?

What a dick. If he's going to treat you like a roommate....act like it. No cooking or cleaning for him. No watching his kids.

I hope you are able to leave

I hope you are able to leave soon, he sounds like an ass.

You paying for only your food should leave you with a little more money! You were the one getting the short end of the stick by splitting groceries, as like you stated, he and his kids eat more food than you.

That is not a "couple" mentality, at all. My husband and I have separate accounts but we still consider it "our" money and "our" bills and "our" food.

LOL Foxie..love it!! Well

LOL Foxie..love it!! Well he's definitly not getting any sex or affection and he's complaining about it. He apparently forgot also that when we got together, I told him a few times I left a 10 year relationship with someone who made double what I did, but split things 50/50 and this ex left me with nothing extra, so he went out to dinners and trips without me as a result. I left him. S/O said this guy was a jerk. And yet he's doing the same thing.

I don't do any cooking as it is..thats his job..my job is to clean (with the exception of picking up after them or cleaning the kids rooms). I decided I will buy the cheaper food and I will buy my good snacks and leave them at work. All of it..I also have a lot of hiding space in my dressers. If I have to live like this for now, then so be it. My moms going to send me a grocery card gift card to help me out, which will be secret from him..so Im gonna stock up and hide everything. At least the people at work respect my food..

I am retired and although I

I am retired and although I can't go out every night or have steak I can pretty much buy what I want at the grocery store.

I've been cooking a ton of dried peas and beans lately. A pound of peas (crowder, black eyed, lady cream, field) is about $2.00 and will provide about 6-8 servings of high quality protein and fiber. I add seasonings, potatoes or serve over rice (both cheap) and maybe a few ham scraps or pork bones for flavor. I have my male neighbors all but lined up in the street to get some of my cooking.

So you can cook healthy food for very little money. And that tastes great. My mother used to cook horrible tasteless beans when we couldn't afford more - I never knew it could be such delicious "gourmet" food.

Yum! I'll have to try that!!

Yum! I'll have to try that!! Thanks!

I just wanted to add that he

I just wanted to add that he had a fit that my parents are helping me out with things when we went to visit them. They used aeroplan points to fly us down to visit..but that we had to pay for the cab to the airport and back but that they'd pick us up when we got there, and the airport taxes. SO had a fit that he had to pay for any of that..and he found out my dad paid my airport taxes..he doesn't think its fair they are helping me and not him..and that he's being discriminated against because he makes way more money..
lol seriously??
I think Im with a psycho..

Apparently its my parents responsibility to pay for him since they pay for me. My mom told him to his face that I am their daughter and they will help me out. Simple as that.

He just informed me we are taking the kids to the movies this weekend. I told him I have to see my dr..he got angry that I don't want to spend time with him and his kids. Im selfish..and that Im not really sick, Im lying, and how convient of me to feel this way when he gets the kids..

I think I just stepped into the Twilight zone?

^ Love!! Im glad Im not the

^ Love!! Im glad Im not the crazy one as he's trying to make me feel..

^^^YES YES YES

He is 36...but he's a

He is 36...but he's a man-child

I wish I wasn't with

I wish I wasn't with him..trust me.. I hate it. But financially right now it makes sense. My parents cant help me with rent..even if I moved out and they helped with the first month Im still very short to keep it up..I have three kitties as well. I'd have to lose the car, and various other things.

I haven't saved any receipts. I didnt think I needed to, but now that I look back, I should've seen the red flags when he complained everytime I put Yop or yogurt in the cart, because he doesnt eat that stuff. Even though I never complained when he put ketchup, pickles, peanut butter and various other things I don't eat in the cart. I can't believe guys like this exist even.

Thank you, I just read that,

Thank you, I just read that, and there is definitly some things on there that describe him..

Couldn't have said it better

Couldn't have said it better myself..

This situation happened with

This situation happened with an ex, I went straight to the cops and had him charged..then I left him.

Good ideas. Look for a

Good ideas. Look for a roommate. Or get a really cheap studio and live on ramen. I really like the roommate idea. I had to do the leave the relationship and find a dump rent house thing as an intermediate step to the next stage of my life. It's not so bad. Could be worse.

Oh and maybe a second part time job, yeah. That might work. Anything is better than living with this a-hole.

Doesn't sound like a marriage

Doesn't sound like a marriage to me at all. Marriage = an equal partnership, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer - right? Not "you have only $$ to spend while I get $$$$$$".

I really wish you could get out of that situation. Has he always been this way? Just because he makes more money, he gets to control you this way?

How much do you contribute

How much do you contribute toward the rent? You should NOT be paying half. You need to itemize the rent, you need to split the rent in 4ths because there is 3 of him and only 1 of you....get what I'm sayin? Rent shouldn't be any diferent than groceries. You pay 1/4. And I'm sure you have at least a 2 bedroom, which his kids use the second bedroom, and it is not your fault it sits empty while they aren't there. You only use 1 bedroom. You should also put some name tags in the frig, put your name on one shelf and his on the other and tell the kids they are only to eat food off that shelf, and the same in the pantry. Do only your laundry, never do any of his or the skids.

My daughter's ex was kinda like this...not that he ever made that much money, but when he had a good job it would go to his head...and he would belittle her. But if he wasn't working, no problem to use ALL her money.

I would have my exit plan sooner than later.

We have a mortgage so we

We have a mortgage so we split that 40/50 due to the kids room..He pays all the condo fees, and I only pay 30% property tax, cable/net. All other bills such as our own cell, car, ins etc we pay our own. Except he of course wants to split groceries 50/50.
I do have my own shelf in the kitchen where I keep all MY snacks and no one has ever touched them. Also anything in the fridge that is mine (Yop, yogurt etc) he nor the kids touch. They have asked him for yop but he does tell them no its kitty1470's, not mine to give out..so at least he's good with that.

He does the cooking, I do the cleaning, exception..I do NOT clean the kids room, I do not clean after the kids and I do not pick up after him either. If he makes a snack and leaves a mess, it sits there til he cleans it. We take turns with the dishwasher, and I only do my laundry. I work all day, I don't have enough time after work to cook, clean and do everyones laundry while he sits on his ass all day playing video games and getting paid a ton to do it.

The whole grocery thing works better for me anyways. He needs to constantly replace his snacks and various other foods I do not eat more often than I do..I pace myself with snacks..Yogurt lasts me a month for example. So really, he's gonna start seeing that he's actually paying way more than I am for groceries. I used to cringe when he'd be putting $30 worth of snacks in the cart for himself when I only put $10 for myself. Well I told him since this is how we are doing it, since he eats all the cheese, sandwich meat etc within a week, he pays for that separately. I will buy my own cheese, sandwich meat, etc..since for me it lasts a lot longer..I don't eat as much as him..
He doesn't realize it now..but he loses in this one and I win..at least I can control the groceries now and he'll see how much more he's paying than I am. If once he realizes this he wants to go back, I will not go back to splitting. ITs not fair for me to pay to replace everything he eats all the time.

As for eating out, if he suggests we go out to a restaurant, I'll just say sorry not in my budget. I can however afford Macdonalds. And thats gonna be the end of that..

see I would be such a bitch. id buy a small fridge and keep my shit under lock and key and he and I would not be sharing one cent of a grocery bill.

there would be ZERO shared groceries in my house. There would be mine and his and his kids