Can he take custody of one child?
I haven't been on here for awhile, basically SO has two kids, SD6 and SS10. The BM and her BF live a couple hours out of town. Well apparently SD6 is very difficult, shes very undisciplined and won't listen to either BM or her BF. I guess her BF is at his wits end and can't stand being around her. She is disciplined here when SO has them, but I still don't really like being around her for other reasons I won't get into right now. Anyways the Court order is that SO sees them EOW and she has primary custody.
Well BMs bf calls SO and asks if it is possible that he take SD6 fulltime cause he's had it with her. I guess BM was all for it as well. Obviously the idea of getting SD isn't that appealing to me either.
But whatever, its SO's choice, since it is his daughter.
The BF even said since they'd have SS, and we'd have SD, there'd be no child support to be paid by either party.
SO advised them to first get some family counseling because he doesn't think its a good idea to split up the kids.
Anyways whats the chances that this can happen? Can BM actually give SO full custody while she keeps SS? Can they split up the kids like that? Or does this have to go through court first.
I told SO its his decision obviously, but not to expect me to parent, babysit, be taxi driver or financially contribute. He said thats fine as he knows that was my rule from the beginning but I don't want him having false hope that if this is to happen then he'll have me around to help him out, not happening.
Anyways anyone hear of this happening??
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Yes they can do that. It
Yes they can do that. It happens all the time. One child stays with mom while one child stays with dad. I have seen this happen many times.
It can happen... although it
It can happen... although it depends on how the original CO was written as to what steps you'd have to take. Thank god, DHs CO says that the children cannot be split up. Which means, we would have to show cause if BM ever tried to pull that shit.
Btw - if you and SO live together... it shouldn't JUST be his choice.
My step kids are older but we
My step kids are older but we have SD and BM gets her EOWeekend. SS lives with BM and we get him EOWeekend.
Judge decided it was in SD's best interest, she was 13 at the time and voiced her desire to live with dad to mom and dad. She didn't have to talk to the judge at all.
If parents are in agreement it shouldn't be an issue.
Thanks everyone..and yes you
Thanks everyone..and yes you are right about the CS..this happened to a friend of mine, where he and his ex agreed to CS and then she came back later and said he never paid so he's in arrears and getting garnished.
We do live together and honestly I don't like the idea of her being here fulltime. We live in a small two bedroom apartment with two cats and a puppy..its too small.
I told him if we agree to this, don't expect my help. I did not sign up to be a parent. I love how they agree to this then try to change it when the situation happens.
He bought a puppy, I told him he can have one as long as he looks after it since Im a cat person. I don't want to potty train or clean up this puppies messes. yes I love her and she's quite adorable (the puppy, I have no feelings for SD) but he's trying to get me to clean up her messes. I put my foot down and say no! Pretty soon Im going to be looking after a puppy, a six year old and working full time? He works from home and doesn't really do much so theres no way Im gonna look after everyone and clean up after everyone!
Hmmm, so The boyfriend calls
Hmmm, so The boyfriend calls the shots and the BM is willing to lose a daughter than lose a BF. Good grief!
Here are 2 crystal ball predications...
1) SD will get worse because she can call the shots and get her own way anytime she wants by misbehaving and becoming a helion because no one will deal with her and demand she tows the line.
2) You will end up with a VERY unhappy little girl looking for love in all the wrong places. After all, her mummy gave her to her daddy because her BF told her to. She learns very quickly no one likes her and she can do what she wants because no one loves her enough to care. Also she will not have a female role model because you don't want the job.
She is 6. I believe until kids are about 8-9 you CAN mold them unless there is some mental issues going on. No one can discipline a 6 yr old? Probably because she is too much like the BM! Imagine her life .... she gets thrown out of her mothers home. She lives with her father and his GF who wants nothing to do with her. How incredibly sad!
It is sad!! Thats what I
It is sad!! Thats what I tried to explain to my SO.. I told him number one, she's going to feel unloved. She already does. When BM has plans the BF watches SS but makes BM take SD to a sitter. So she feels left out. And yes, SD is very much like BM..even BF agrees! When SO and BM were together she couldn't discipline them either so she made SO do it.
We have her disciplined, Hell, I have her disciplined!! She listens to me and SO..so I don't understand how hard it is for those two to do it. They are basically allowing a 6 year old to run their life and bully them. I say bully because she likes to hit them and they don't do anything about it.
I have no problem being around SD for the most part, alls I told SO is I will not parent. I have no desire to come home tired from work everyday to taking care of a child. I never wanted children for that reason. I love my life of coming home from work, laying on the couch watching tv, or working out, going shopping etc..sleeping in on weekends and just having my freedom. So I never wanted kids. Plus I have a fantastic wardrobe, a car I love, etc..because I chose not to have kids. Does this make me selfish? Honestly I dont care..its the life I chose. Now when I got together with SO I told him this..he wanted kids, he wanted to be a parent and he was willing to make sacrifices. He was fine and still is with my choice and we make it work.
However if he gets her fulltime I can't make myself love her or show affection, its never gonna happen. I don't hate or dislike her Im just indifferent. Am I nice to her? Do I include her in things? yes I do..
But I don't want to take care of her. Why so that SO can sit on his ass playing Xbox after working 2 hours from home? I don't think so.
We keep our finances separate so theres no issue with that at least.
I don't mind doing girly things with her..she loves it..but Im not getting up early on weekends, parenting and giving up leisure time for a kid when I never wanted them.
But I agree, their solution for just handing her over to us is not a good one. I have no respect for someone who wants to give up a child for a BF because he doesn't like being around her.
Then you should be happy the
Then you should be happy the way you are. After all, you have made it clear that this is your life from the time you met SO. If he wants to continue in this relationship then he cannot make this a deal-breaker.
So sleep in. Go to the gym. Do your own thing. But I suspect this little girl will grow into your heart and you may be the aunt/role model she needs so desperately. This does not mean you give anything up. I just think she will be a better person for you being in her life. COnsider what a powerful influence of self reliance and self discipline you can show her.
I don't think you have to be her mother figure just because you are a female. She has a mother and her father chose to have kids with that woman. And frankly, if her father can't clean up after a puppy what makes him think he will clean up after a 6 yr old? And if he is home he takes care of her. X Box should be a luxury not a reward for doing Daddy Duty.
^ Love it!! You are so right!
^ Love it!! You are so right! And yes I miss being around my niece and doing the girl things we used to do..also when she's here, I have her help me clean and she loves it! I tell her how wonderful a job she is doing and shes in her glee..she's always asking me if she can help me clean, things like that. So I don't get how its tough for BM and BF to do with her also..sigh.