I was raised the same way! In a way I tend to hold my child & skids to the same rules. If you want a snack you have to ask. For example I've done the mistake in buying a big box of pop tarts. Which had about 4 or 5 individual boxes inside.. I left it in the pantry and sd14 and ss11 finished them in less than a week that they were here. It's ridiculous so I told my husband we won't be doing that. we're not to tight on money per say like my parents where with us growing up but it's no excuse to binge eat all the snacks! I started buying food and hiding it when they come and I will slowly put 1 or 2 out. If they can't have some self control then I will continue! I also lock my bedroom door where I keep the snacks in because ss 11 has been caught stealing from us and his little brother. My bio son.. 

It is an entitlement thing.  No one ever tells them "no" and everything they see it "theirs."  I could deal with it when my skids were somewhat younger and they just grabbed junk food from cupboards.  I generally try to stay away from it and it was DH who was SOL when they mowed through all the Doritos two days after I had gone to the store.  But when they got older and started doing unexplicable things like cooking up steaks for a "snack" that I completely lost my sh*t.  How was I supposed to make meals when I would come home and find that the entree was gone?  Luckily even DH, one of the most Disney of dads, found that to be extremely rude and bizarre behavior.

Yes, when my daughter was young I had her ask as well because you never know if I was saving something for a particular reason or recipe, etc.  If I bought something specifically for her and told her so than that was one thing, but to just take whatever you wanted out of a pantry or fridge without any regard for anyone else in the house is disrespectful and unacceptable. 

My exes kid would take entire large containers (warehouse size) of candy or chips or something to his room instead of just taking out a small portion and leave it there, so whenever I was in the mood for something and went to the pantry to get it and it was gone, we had to go upstairs to find out if it was in his room.  Ex didnt see any issue with this at all which dumbfounded me how he thought this was acceptable that an adult had to go looking for something that a child had taken without permission instead of being able to just grab and enjoy what he/we paid money for!  

I grew up in a household where we did not need to ask for food.  If I wanted something, I could have it.  Of course, we were usually going for fruit and snacks, so my mom never needed to worry about one of us taking something she needed for the next meal.  Anything that wasn't fair game was marked as such.

My stepkids need to ask for candy, snacks and soda.  If they want a piece of fruit or a vegetable, they're allowed to take that without asking.  They are 5 and 7 year old girls, so I don't worry about them eating me out of house and home.  They are not allowed to take food to their rooms.

Never grabbed handfuls of junk food or snacks as a child.  Breakfast was cereal, lunch was a sandwich with potato chips or doritos etc and you waited until dinner to eat.  Then you could have dessert.  We could have snacks but it was just known that you couldn't eat them all in 2 days. 

I think that's called teaching children manners...

This post gave me a flashback! Nutella! Omg when my sd lived here it was always the nutella. My kids enjoyed it too, so I would buy the big jar so they all could share. Well I found the jar in sd's room with the spoon still in it. Yuck! I explained to her ( at the time 14) how unhygienic that was, nobody else could eat it now because it is covered in her saliva. Later on I caught her spooning a bite out of the jar then attempting to return the jar to the cupboard.  

So from then on I bought the small jar for my kids and hid it away. They could partake in it whenever she wasnt here. Thankfully they outgrew it pretty quick so I quit buying it.

I grew up with somethings we could snack on freely (veggies, fruits, some special snack things like crackers or chips, peanut butter) and some things were absolute nos (candy, ice cream, dinner fixings, etc). 

We weren't bingers by any means and we were not allowed to take the entire chip bag with us, bowls only.  I don't remember my parents forbidding food in the bedrooms, but why would we do that? We had the kitchen, dining area, living room to snack in.  Even if I was hanging out in my room it wouldn't have occurred to me to take food there.  I still don't with some exceptions (if DH brings be tea/toast on Sunday mornings or I'm sick). 

OSD would eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted whereever she wanted - granted, she only ate white food so that cut down on a lot, but she'd polish off a bag of my favorite popcorn in one go, leaving me with none.  I learned to hide it.  She then wouldn't be hungry for dinner.

YSD will.not.tell.us.ever what she wants to have for food things to snack on at our home.  She just won't - even if she's at the store with us she'll just shrug.  The only thing I keep on hand for her are apples (I eat them too) and some wheat crackers she likes and maybe pretzels - she loves pretzels but dammed if she's going to let us know she wants them.  I think it's a total control thing.  DH remains baffled.  So she can eat what we have, whatever.  She's never, ever binged, it's just....nothing.

I have a section in my pantry that is "free for all", the fruit bowl is always open and there are certain things that are specific for lunches for my teens - mini Mac and cheese bowls, chicken nuggets, sandwich stuff... but other than that all the kids that live here ask before they take.

I was pised a couple of times over the week SS15 was here. He took things that were receipe specific that grated my nerves. Had he been a regular attendee in my home I would have snapped but DH hadn't seen him in almost 2 years so I just let it go.

It's half and half for us.

Certain things are for meals, certain things are for snacks, and certain things are to help yourself.

I buy in bulk...and on sale...so at any given time I'm just as likely to buy 20 packs of Kraft singles as I am to buy 6 dozen eggs...or 10 boxes of 32 granola bars.

I also have a budget....which is shared with the family. 

As is a meal plan....which is based on what we have.

Meat is for meals. Not a snack. It's portioned on plates...we eat as a family, every time... if someone isn't around, their plate is kept aside. Seconds do not usually include meat... veggies and other sides are unlimited to the extent of how much was cooked... and we generally have cheese, olives, pickles, pickled beets, or a number of other things on hand to top off our meal. I do a lot of canning...so we always have that stuff in huge quantities. No big deal to open up some spicy dilly green beans or salsa and tortilla chips...I also usually have a big container of salad in the fridge that we can have a serving of on top of the meal, and I can throw together some biscuits. Takes 10 minutes. Big deal.

While my kids are old enough to know how much of a snack to have and not spoil their appetite, ss doesn't yet have that clear a gauge. Mine are 14.5, 16.5 and almost 18. SS is almost 7.

My kids don't ask for a snack... rather, it's different phrasing. They ask how long until dinner (it can vary depending on the day) and then say they'll have an Apple/granola bar/other fruit or whatever... and say "Ok?" More as an opportunity for me to let them know if there's an issue with their choice than permission. They don't need "permission" to eat...they're more checking that their choice doesn't create conflict.

An example of what I mean by conflict:

There are 6 bananas left. Tomorrow's menu includes a banana... if they say "I'm going to grab a banana, Ok?" Then my answer could be "sure, I'll change banana for pineapple tomorrow" or "can you have pineapple instead? I was planning on using the bananas for crepes tomorrow morning."

No harm done..no big deal.

For ss, we have come a long way. LONG LONG way. He used to be super picky and his dad would make him a separate meal... treat him like a special princess about food... NOW, though, he's come to enjoy family meal time and is actually more adventurous than the others at times.

Food is my love language... and SS has caught on. I canned some sweet and spicy onion relish yesterday... made some dough wrapped sausages for lunch today...kind of a cross between pigs in a blanket and a pogo. I cracked open a jar of the onion relish...my kids didn't care to try it, but ss was totally willing and dug right in. It's our bond... I can always count on him to try the stuff I experiment with and be brutally honest as to how he feels about it. Some experiments are awesome...some he doesn't like...but he tries it all without fail.

He doesn't generally ask for snacks...because I pre-empt it by asking. At school snack time and meal time is prescribed... so I treat it the same here because he's with me during the day while I work from home. 8am breakfast. 10am snack. 12 lunch. 2 snack. 4 snack if dinner is going to be later than 6... no offer of snack if dinner is served by 6... but he's taken a cue from the others, and does let me know he's a bit hungry...usually he can't have something like an apple at 4, but he can have a handful of crackers with some cut up cheese or something small like that...and I'll give him a bit less at dinner so there's no waste. He can always have more...or something extra...rather than ruining his appetite and tossing the plated food.

I cook most things from scratch...so there's not really any "quick meals"... unless they want to grab a box of kd or hamburger helper that we have "Just in case".

Like I said...I do a lot of canning... so there's always applesauce, various canned fruit, various pickled veggies they can just grab, open and eat.  I make those in 125ml or 250ml, just right for 1 - 2 people to eat in its entirety...and jars of potatoes, carrots, turnip, peas, corn etc that I can easily open and heat to add to the meal if everyone is way hungrier than if anticipated when making the meal...

There are also always homemade cookies on hand... they know the limit is a few... and they can grab them whenever, though ss needs to ask someone (anyone) because he can't reach them.

Because I cook a lot from scratch, we usually always also have hummus and small tortillas on hand for a quick small and filling snack. The kids always savage those... and while I'm plating dinner, they do let me know to put less on their plate if they're a bit full from snacking. (Dh takes leftovers for lunch)

When I buy treats, I also buy bulk... m'n'm's by the kg, or ice cream by the 3 gallon tub... for "treats" they must in no uncertain terms ask. Though we usually just all have treats at the same time... special desert (randomly a few times a week) or during a movie night... 

They respect the meal plan...and if they don't, it's because they've negotiated. Sometimes they're not in the mood for that food... oatmeal with apples and cinnamon is on the menu...well maybe they're really craving cereal or French toast. If they vary, they must offer to make extra for others who may also want some...and they must do so before I make it or they must suck it up Lol

I do involve them all in making the meal plan...so though it sounds like I might control the food they eat, I only control the groceries I buy, they all have input on meal choices and when we have them, and they all have a part to play to get them all on the table each day, whether it's to fetch items from the freezer/second fridge/pantries, deal with helping to peel/chop/cook, bring loaded plates to the table, cutlery to be set, or clean up.

Sometimes I don't have a plan...or I don't want to cook....so it's a free for all, and I've been known to close my eyes about cake for lunch.

We have an area they can take what they want, when they want it. Little things.

My husband and I do hide some of our favorite chocolates and German cookies he finds. num num nummmmm

We were rasied to ask first too.

All the  kids were taught the same. My adult kid still asks for stuff when they visit.

Is it normal to bust open the front door and start running for food...if moms house allows it, it is normal to them

But: You can have your own standards in your own home.

 You can tell them we do things a little different here.

jmo

We had limits on what we could eat, no matter what it was, and had very few things we weren't allowed to eat. We never had to ask permission before we got something, but we were expected to make it last AND got chewed out if it didn't.

That's a similar approach with the boys. Eat what you'd like, but I'm only going to the store on X day. If it's gone, it's gone. Though, I'll tell them when not to eat something and have never had an issue with them eating that thing.

BUT, I have never been in a position of wondering where my next meal was coming from, so I have the luxury of having an open kitchen. I can understand if that isn't something you can afford that you have to close off the kitchen from raiding. Like most things in steplife, though, if you don't lay out your expectations and/or your spouse doesn't support those expectations with you, it's going to be a battle. And it won't be the SK's fault if they're allowed to get away with it.

Nope skids aren't allowed to touch my food.

Skids were picky with food and drink here.  Nothing was good enough.  Cereal they ate one visit was not what they ate next visit, they "didn't like that anymore". Same with drinks.  This kept DH on his toes, as he would run to the store to purchase what they "did like" this time.  Until I pointed out to him they were jerking his chain. 

My DH is a huge softy but not when he realises people are playing him.  And the skids, when they realised it was game over, took what was available. 

They did not complain but I think they were probably pissed that certain treats, bought specifically for them, never appeared again due to them overplaying their hand.

I don't remember it being a big problem when the SDs were coming EOW, as I never had many snacks in the house - it was just all stuff to make main meals with, not really snack material.  I do remember that once I bought a case of J2O bottled drinks and SD25 drank nearly all of them in one day.   I wasn't best pleased and told DH to make sure she never did that again. 

In our home we give 3 meals a day and between there we have a set amount they can freely go for.

Examples

Fruit is a free for all. Eat it whenever you want.

Snacks 1 a day without asking

Soda 1 a day period you can have it with a meal or as your choosing but that's it. 

Come to me hungry and already had a snack.... depending on time make a sandwich.

We were free to eat what we want but not devour like such greedy pigs

alot of these skids have not been parented well

We didn't have to ask for snacks. That being said, we knew what we could and couldn't eat, and if we ate too much of anything, there was hell to pay.