So we're at the age of Cell Phones, and Facebooks, and Boys oh my...
So Dh got a message from SD11 who will turn 12 at the end of the week...she sent the message through facebook where she has an account saying she's 15 which I don't particularly agree with. it said "My mom said that if she gets help she will buy me a phone from straight talk like my sister so can you just send me $50 instead of a gift certificate?"
Now we have already repeatedly addressed the issue of them only contacting him when they want something so this pissed DH off and also the fact that if his ex needs "help" she needs to call him and plan something like that out not have SD11 be the go between ultimately making him look like the asshole when he says no because he already sent her a gift the night before. It caused us to have a big fight because he wouldn't call BM and get it straightened out, he asked me if I resented the fact that he has kids and i was like "DUH!! Yes I do, I did everything in my power to make those girls welcome but now they are hurting my kids, DD5 sent the SDs valentines in the mail and she bugs me everyday about when they are going to write her back etc....We pay for kids we don't get the benefit of having a relationship with! Yeah I resent that, and I am not mad at SD11 I am mad at her stupid fucking parents!!!" Eventually he called BM and she claimed she had no intention of getting SD11 a phone or telling her to message him, she said she had about had it with that kid, that she's chasing boys and just a nightmare to deal with. DH said that she could come live with us and she told him "You wouldn't want her!" He was kind of dumbfounded and said "Yes I would!!" Than she went into how she's going to quit her job and go back to school and she has $2000 in er bills for herself and he cut her off and said "thats your shit, as long as the kids medical is taken care of I don't need to know." But anyway we now don't want SD11 living there if her mother is so hostile towards her, I told him to keep a rapport open with SD11 and just let her know you would love to have her visit or stay in case she's being told the opposite. I feel bad for the SD11 the only thing I can think of why a mother would reject her child is because SD11 is very beautiful (takes after dad) and BM and the aunt and cousin and SD10 are all pretty homely and plain. *sigh*
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Mom may have just been
Mom may have just been agitated at SD. I know I'd be livid if one of my skids was emailing/ face booking relatives fishing for money with a bogus story. People, even parents, say things they don't really mean when they are mad. I really doubt bm is telling the kid that she doesn't want her and no one else would want her either.
You can always contact
You can always contact Facebook and let them know she's underage. They'll delete her account. Oooops, did I actually say that? LOL
I'd do it! }:)
He told BM hey you need to
He told BM hey you need to give me advance notice if you want extra help for something because as it is you get a lot of my check and we just make it week to week, I don't know what to tell you.
I would think the mom was
I would think the mom was just using that as an excuse no to to get her the device at all. Not to impose a burden on SM and DH via the kids or otherwise. THEY LIKE TO PLAY BOTH PARENTS AGAINST EACH OTHER! If you guys just say no, then it's all good.
Watch out because 12-13 year old girls are crazy. My own daughter went nuts at that age. It has been a huge burden and a curse for me. Her wild, adolescent behavior has brought on heart problems and anxiety over constant worry and concern for her well being.
I had just bought her an iphone like mine, and within a month she was abusing it, talking to a boy from out of state, added him to her contacts as 'sexy boy'. I took the phone away and she talked daaaaadddyyyy into getting her another phone.
Her dad is pretty ignorant when it comes to teens. He just wants to be the #1 Dad. She subsequently added another boy (nicknamed 'Stud') in her contacts and I have no control over that. Dad is oblivious and unconcerned.
I am still paying for that additional line under a 2 year contract and got burned pretty bad for trusting her. Whatever device you buy them may come with a contract for monthly payments or whatever addl. costs incurred will be on you.
She opened a facebook and I had it shut down, she opened another one. She currently has two that I know about. I took out the internet at home, she used it at the library. Her friends house. Her phone. She's pretty sneaky.
And even if you did buy them a device they will break it and expect you to replace it. The days of replacing iPods and such are over for me as far as I'm concerned. They really are inconsiderate and neglectful, and they don't deserve them.
Just say NO and stick with it!
I did that when they were 7
I did that when they were 7 and 8 and had them, lol but Im just going to leave it alone now last night SD11 was actually messaging DH to apologize and having normal playful conversations with him, so if its a way for them to strengthen their relationship I don't want to interfere, as far as Peanut and Sons comment, she always complains about them on facebook, to DH to anyone that will listen, yeah I understand being frustrated with your kids but it seems like that whole side of the family just bitch and moan and pat each other on the backs, negativity is the only way they no how to relate.
The younger SD the 10 year
The younger SD the 10 year old has a phone so thats why sd11 feels entitled.
Puberty can be a horrendous
Puberty can be a horrendous stage to deal with. They start to pull away from their parents and act out and it causes all sorts of friction and tensions at times. As a parent it can be hard to relate to your child when they are changing so dramatically and developing an attitude. I don't know any of the history with your BM but I wouldn't automatically judge her as a mother rejecting her child just because she let off a bit of steam about SD to her Dad. Don't forget SD just tried to weasel £50 out of you by lying about her mother promising her a phone! She was probably trying to get round her mother not buying her a phone, so she could engage in exactly the behaviour BM is complaining about.
Rather than assuming SD is a victim who needs to be saved from her mother (although I know this a tempting conclusion if BM has been a nightmare) the most constructive thing for SD would be if DH and BM were able to communicate a little more, and DH were able to spend more time with her. Otherwise the average teen is going to manipulate the hell out of the situation, often to their own detriment as they end up alienating one of their parents and losing valuable parental input. BM is unlikely to leap at an offer to lose custody but maybe if your DH were to suggest to her that encouraging SD to spend more time with you would give her a break sometimes, and he could help manage SD's behaviour she might go for it. There are studies demonstrating that girls who are not close to their Dad's are significantly more likely to look for male input elsewhere. This may still not work, many BM's ring fence their children and delight in any rejection of the Dad, even if they're shooting themselves in the foot and end up dealing with all the difficult stuff all by themselves. Anyway, just a few thoughts, hope they're of some help.
We aren't convinced SD11 was
We aren't convinced SD11 was lying, because BM immediatly got defensive before DH even said anything when he called yesterday, and also SD10 has a phone. We have a long history of BM lying to us so....yeah we just assume it now. lol
Well, don't say we didn't
Well, don't say we didn't warn you.
Enjoy the ride!