I hate it when I'm right !!!
I really do, because all it means is that a big old stress train crashes into DH and I's life and it's all about the skid or skids. It really is because they are the ONLY ones bringing it !!!
DH rings me, adult skid 19 + has been fined and also left BM's house ... DHs parents make the Adult ( who landed on their doorstep, doesn't tell them half of what's going on , and they pay the fine, and then ring up DH to tell him all this. They do not miss the opportunity to remind him he is a bad parent and the not around in his skid's life. Not true, BTW, but we do NOW live in another country, but DH was involved for all of skid's childhood, EW, holidays, etc, etc.)
DH tells me he was informed of this after the fact, as he has to pay his parents back the money, now !!
:jawdrop:
Don't let me get started on that !!! DH wants to have a talk about it tonight, well, isn't that something to look forward to ??? It's time for another reality check for DH and I because, we do agree there are no actions without consequences and DH will be sorting this out with skid. ( his words not mine. )
Silly me, thinking it would be sd22 causing DH's stress, it seems I was right about BM and the cs stopping late last year...... She managed two months before writing the long warning email to DH about skid, in a previous blog, ( and believe me, I thought hell would freeze over before BM voluntarily contacted DH about anything !!) and then nearly another month before skid was chucked out .....
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It always helps to find
It always helps to find things to be thankful for. Like the fact that you are out of the country so this kid did not end up on your doorstep.
They should never have paid the fine, but they did. We got at least 10 phone calls (I am not exaggerating) about paying a fine for SS27 a couple of years ago. DH held firm (mainly because I control the money and I had NO problem not handing over money) and SS went to jail for 10 days. He was going to lose his job, etc etc. He's still here and has a better job.
But SS has not done this again. He got into a fight (something he used to do all the time) and was arrested for assault. The first time I'd met him he'd had the crap beaten out of him for mouthing off to the wrong people. His face was still black and blue and swollen a week after the beating.
I can't believe the people that want to yell at someone's past parenting. Once someone has made it to adult age it really doesn't matter. If a person's fee fees are so fragile that perceived slights as a child maim them for life they were just never going to make it in the world.
Some people grow up with terrible physical neglect or abuse or emotional abuse and yet become mature normal adults. No one has the perfect parent because no such thing exists. I am sure your DH could find a zillion things that in retrospect HIS parents could do better. Maybe he should tell them he made mistakes as a Dad as he wasn't raised right. }:) }:) }:)
Quick update to what happened
Quick update to what happened last night. DH and I talked about it and I mainly listened ( it's still hard to remain disengaged, as I am further along with the disengagment to sd22 than I am with the younger skid )
DH is going to pay his parents back, but then he said he was done ( I know, we have been here before ) paying for fines, etc, for Adult skids. He knows that he cannot 'punish ' adult skids as you would younger skids, like taking away the toys, pc, phone, or grounding them, etc. BTW this didn't work with sd22 she just went straight back to the behaviour, as soon as she could !
DH even mentioned that he was not doing this again or handling ( badly ) as he did with sd22. He is going to speak to skid again and say that is IT !! Next time you are on your own, AND he is going to talk to his parents and say please do not bail out adult skid, skid needs to learn and be accountable for such actions, and if that means fines, etc, then so be it !! AND if they go behind his back and do this, DO NOT run to him after the fact and expect the money back. Not . Going . To Happen .
DH has never said this to his parents before !! I asked him he was certain he could do this, and he said yes, he does not want to go down the same path he followed with sd22 for many years.