DH says the money is Insignificant !!!!
Me, again, can you tell, I was in a right venting mood yesterday ?? Forgot to mention, when we were talking over Breakfast yesterday, about money, savings, and SKIDS ..... What a combo, eh ?? Before, I'd even had my Coffee fix !! ( well, DH was talking, I was trying not to engage !!)
DH called the money he pays sd21 , as insignificant, really...... REALLY, I was shocked, let's add up all the insignificant sums, AND the CS DH still pays for the younger skid( not in school, not working, not doing ANYTHING !!) and well that sum is VERY SIGNIFICANT, believe me. If DH WAS saving THAT each month, he would not have a problem !! I told him this, yes, I know, I shouldn't dig my own skid conversation grave, but sometimes DH just drives me MAD !!!
I spent the rest of yesterday, a bit quiet, and I know DH hates me when I go like that, but it saved us arguing about it, and saved a bit of my sanity. I guess DH just thinks I was over reacting ( gee, how awful to think that the skids SHOULD send him a card for Father's Day, where do I get these CRAZY ideas from ??)
So, now, DH is still in a huff, and I'm not really caring about it this morning. You think your DH sees the light about bad skid behaviour, DH makes all the right noises about it, but when it comes down to it, it STILL boils down to " they are my kids, I love them, what can I do ?? "
Well, it's obvious to me, nothing DH, and I guess, if things don't get better in the next year or so, I have some SERIOUS signiifcant decisions to make..........
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15 months ago, my FDH was
15 months ago, my FDH was like this. He was paying CS for 2 of them (he has 3) and handing them cash/things at their every whim. It was absolutely disgusting-he really was trying to buy their love, which is a whole other issue, bc I do not think they are capable of loving.
They mentally abuse him, and he does not get anything for Father's Day, birthdays, etc. Their behaviors spiraled out of control and he stopped the money flow. They just got nastier.
I guarantee you, as much as I love this man, I would not be here today if he was still doing this. Even if they appreciated it, we would have nothing bc the amount of cash he was handing out and the things he was buying were way too much.....that is how bad it was getting. They EXPECTED his cash, 24/7, just like BM.
Your DH won't stop until he finds a reason in his own mind. He sounds a lot like my FDH. Until he sees them for what they are, he won't stop. It took some major things for my FDH to wake up (his son faking being suicidal and the other one calling me a whore are just 2 examples). Even so, I know he feels guilt. He still gets emails and texts hinting for stuff, but he has not given in at all.
I know how frustrating it is!
I am right there with you.
I am right there with you. On top of CS, DH was buying everything for our house and BMs house for the steps. The spending was so out of control that he demanded I deposit my daughter's CS into our joint account to help cover the cost of his spending. I lost my mind at that point. I was on the verge of leaving him because he was driving us to the poor house. He has stopped buying for BM's house and gives the steps a monthly allowance...of course, he still takes them out to do 'fun' stuff daily. At least the spending has stopped. The only thing we fight about now is the fact the steps are given an allowances without having to earn it. DH told me that his kids would not do chores while in our home (they don't even have to clean their own bedrooms). When my daughter returned home, I announced to her that she no longer had to do chores to earn her allowance. He was pissed at me when I told her that; I simply told him the rules apply to all the kids and not just his.
Well, I'm starting to REALLY
Well, I'm starting to REALLY think that I may not be here in a year or two. The saddest part being that I love him and he is a wonderful DH for the most part....
He has sworn he is stopping all the money this time next year, but the closer we get to it, the more suspicious I become.... I will give him this chance to actually stand by his promises... But if it all goes to pot, next year, I think it may kill any respect I had for DH, and I think, that in order to save MY own self respect, I will walk away.....