How to handle upset SD
I'm new at this (the whole SM thing.) My DH has custody of his 8y/o daughter. The BM is a mom when she wants to be (no CS, no job, never know if she's going to get her weekend, etc.) So my SD's teacher called me the other day and said that she has been really emotional at school lately and keeps saying she misses her mom. SD is happy and upbeat at home and never says anything to us, it only happens at school. What should I do about this?? I'm at a loss, I don't even know how to bring it up to my SD. I don't want her to start resenting the fact that I'm there and her real mom isn't (the sad thing is that her BM only lives about 5-10 miles away and she only sees her a couple of days a month.) Any advice would be great
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I would ask SD about it.
I would ask SD about it. It's odd that she's happy at home, but not at school.
When my DS was young, probably the first year in school after his father passed, he would use that as an excuse in school to get out of doing things. If he didn't want to read, he'd tear up and say he missed his dad. If he acted up and got in trouble, he'd start to tear up again. However, he never acted that way at home. The teacher and I had a talk about it with my son and honestly, once the gig was up, my DS stopped. He was using that as an attention-getter and he knew I didn't permit that.
Its a tough balance to get
Its a tough balance to get right between showing ur sk u will always be there for them and reassuring them u are not trying to replace their mum. Children always have love for their bio parents even when they are total trash. (my sons bio dad left us absolutely destitute with no home,was physically abusive, froze the bank accounts, stole money from a bank account we set up for our son and picks and chooses wen he can be bothered if or wen he sees our son and yet my son thinks the sun shines out of his backside!!!) I got remarried just over a yr ago tho and now my son has started saying things like 'why cant my dad keep his promises 'stepdad' always keeps his!'
Kids are a lot more savvy than we sometimes think. Maybe ur sd is starting to see her bm for what she really is and its upsetting for her. She probly tries not to show it at home bcos its a loving environment and she doesnt wanna upset anyone. I deffinately think she needs to talk about it. Discuss it with ur husband and mayb next time sd brings her mum up in conversation or next time she doesnt turn up just ask her how she feels just tread softly. make sure she is happy at urs then at least if she doesnt wanna talk at least shes got a haven.
It sounds like she's afraid
It sounds like she's afraid to tell your DH or you that she misses her mom. She may think it will upset you both to know this.
She may benefit from seeing a psychologist that specializes in blended family situations. Your SD may feel more comfortable sharing her feelings with a counselor, than possibly upsetting you and your DH.
Your DH should definitely talk to her about this and let her know it's okay to miss her mom and to want to talk to you both about it.
I forgot to mention that I
I forgot to mention that I have 2 boys of my own and thankfully they have a great BF. The BM thinks she is a great mom and hates me because my SD and i do have a great relationship. Thank yall so much for the help.
I'd also look into when this
I'd also look into when this is happening in school. For a little while after the divorce my ds would do this to his teacher and get upset saying he misses his dad (who get eowe and whenever extra he asked) turns out ds was using it as a pity card for his behavior. So try and cover all of it and encourage your DH to talk to her, and her to talk to her BM about missing her.