She steals MY things!
I think I have posted about this before. We have my SD12 full time 24/7...her mom abandoned her. SD steals my things! It is almost humorous as I have started a list of the weird things she takes. I check her room once or twice a month to reclaim what is mine. The last check revealed that she took my panties! Several pairs! So I told her "SD, I have a great idea, let's start sharing panties. I'm serious, you wear mine and I wear yours and we will have more to choose from". When she acted weirded out I told her that was how I felt when I found my panties in her room. She says they were on her bed but I highly doubt my husband that knows what my panties look like put my ribbon and lace panties on his daughter's bed!
Since this has been a cycle, I was considering taking 5-10 of SD's things and putting them in a box in my room. Every time I check her room and don't find something of mine, I could give her one item back. Does this sound reasonable or "step-monster ish"?
Not that it doesn't sound
Not that it doesn't sound pretty amusing, but it's putting you right down on her level. Maybe just search her room every week and give her some kind of punishment for stealing your things. AGAIN!!
Why don't you approach it
Why don't you approach it this way, Tell SD that, "When you are through using my .......could you please put it back." Or, "If you wanted to borrow my......could you please ask me next time. I have no problem letting you borrow something of mine." or, "If you are running low on panties, just tell me, I have no problem taking you to the store and letting you pick some out." She knows she is getting to you by stealing the things but if you make it sound like it's really not a big deal, then she will probably stop. Also, have you considered that maybe she wants to be a lot like you and have some of the same things you do? You did say Biomom isn't around. Imitation can be the best form of flattery.
She probably does do it
She probably does do it mostly to upset me. When I was growing up, if my parents told me to stop doing something, I stopped. I don't know why she won't stop when she is told. I feel like I need to "win the war" by beating her at her battles. When I say not to take my things and she still does it, I feel like it is very disrespectful and disobedient. That really gets under my skin. I just want respect!
I let her borrow tons of my stuff...and instead of putting it back when she is done, I have to go get it out of her room when I need to use it. So frustrating! I was wondering about a new method because "please don't take ____ without asking" is not working! Hubs knows how frustrated I am about this and he doesn't have any ideas.
I would never approach my SD
I would never approach my SD if I had one like this or for that matter my DD - when I tell the people in my house that this is mine they all know better than to try and take it - and that includes my DD6 - and seriously why would she have your underwear - she is trying to piss you off and as I stated below take her stuff - every time something goes missing then take something of hers - yes it may be stooping to her level but apparently she is not going to listen to you and will lie and so play it her way - she started it!!
My SD14 does this as well. I
My SD14 does this as well. I just let her know that I know exactly what she is doing. She doesn't like being called out on things; and she hates it when I make her actions known to daddy. It's not really being on her level but it is a 2 can play at this game..........if I find things in her room if she asks to borrow things I will say NOPE! The other day she asked to borrow my iron....after I knew she was done I simply said......if you're done put it back. Once they know they are on to their game; they loose interest.
Get a lock and when she asks
Get a lock and when she asks why tell her you are tired of her stealing. There have been others on the site that use one for their bedrooms.
We never even close our
We never even close our bedroom door...LOL puppy dogs would be most upset! I actually care about the dogs. I think it's partly an insecurity thing with SD, ours was abandoned by her mother too and did similar stuff. If you can imagine how it feels to be abandoned by the woman who gave birth to you, being abused, still having love and faith, and bordering on stockholm syndrome it's a pretty bad situation for a kid. Add a bunch of PAS to the mix and there's one hell of a screwed up kid! Add to that a little girl wanting to grow up too fast? I suggested more 'age appropriate' garments.
I disengaged too, I got sick and tired of DH's free range parenting. Sure enough, SD is in a secure juvenile facility and SS dropped out in Sophomore year and found him a 'new family' since we really suck as parents and it's all my fault...the novelty of that will wear off pretty quick, seems Mr. Wonderful has not got a job any more and there are fights about money and no internet there any longer...their kids have to toe the line now...our spoiled little boy will not last long there! What's the first thing to go when money is tight? While our boy is not a layabout, he's in college, he's still not contributing financially to their household and is borrowing money from us until his student monies come in. He can come home again, as can SD, and I know they have both had a learning curve about how REAL life can be.
I consider that they'll grow, and learn, and recognize why things happened the way they did.
I cannot say ifit would have been any different, had DH been more pro active as a parent, but I do know that it's taking the state to turn our girl around! I have seen some introspection with her too, she tells me that now she knows why I did what I did. Hey, I am not such a bad person after all! LOL They are going to grow up, regardless!
Your idea sounds great - if
Your idea sounds great - if your SD wants to play this game then play it right back - it is not petty to do it - people usually don't learn how awful they are being until they get a taste of their own medicine. I am so thankful that I have a SS and he lives 700 miles from us!!!
My SD would steal/ throw away
My SD would steal/ throw away some of my stuff when she was mad at me, particularly when her dad punished her something that she could blame me for. She also stole my daughter's new pants that an aunt had sent her for school. Mind you, SD had way more clothes/things than my daughter, as BM, grandparents, aunts and us all bought her clothes.
This was such an issue in our house...I would get so mad at her taking my stuff that sometimes I would blame her when something was missing and it wasn't her fault and then she would just flip out. Soooooo glad this is over!!
I would not take her stuff, but maybe keep a tab on the value of what she steals and keep showing her what she owes you. She can work it off at whatever rate seems fair. That is what DH did and even if she was charged for something that no one could prove she stole, she had to pay for it anyway, because: " You have a record of stealing and you are the only thief in this house, so even if it wasn't you, it's the most logical explanation. Stop stealing and hopefully after a while we will trust you again". That is what her dad would say and it worked. He let her go ahead and be very, very mad and yell, as long as she did it while ""retreating".
OMG! I had the SAME exact
OMG! I had the SAME exact issue with my SD15. After the birth of my last son, I lost a lot of weight. SO DH bought me like $200 worth of VS (more than 20 pairs). I love my underwear, until I started finding the new ones that were still in the package gone! I don't usually go snooping in SD's room, because she's only there a few days out of the month...However, I did trick her....I strategically placed a pair of undies that weren't opened at the top of my drawer, took a picture of them, and waited. We went to church on one Sunday - and she stayed home (supposedely sick) - and VIOLA - she went into my drawer and STOLE my panties. I bought it up to DH, but he said, 'no one steals underwear.' I let it go, but a few months later, she slipped up and bought clothes to wash at our house because her BM's washing machine broke. I was putting her clothes in the dryer, and OUT POPS like 3 pairs of my underwear! I made sure I watched as she folder her clothes and just said - Nice underwear. Oh, that got her little stealing a$$. Never had a problem with her since. I didn't even bother telling DH after I made that comment. I just figure he'll be picking her up from jail if it escalates because I have totally DISENGAGED.
I think Stepfamilyfriend's
I think Stepfamilyfriend's approach sounds a good one, if you have the energy! Personally, when my SD14 started stealing alcohol, we locked it in the cellar when she was here. I am a bit too lazy to go through all the rigmarole of a discussion with the SKIDS about the whys and wherefores, I would just put a lock on the door, and if it makes them feel like they are not trusted - too bad - they aren't!
I would have made DH give her
I would have made DH give her the sex speech since she's interested in lacy panties... again, when she takes your make up, shampoos, clothes etc....she is obviously interested in women's things - got to make she she knows and understands before it too late
bet this stops it faster in it's tracks then if you said Rumpelstiltskin. It also gets DH involved.