Just when I thought I was out...They pull me back in
Okay... I need some serious advice and quick! I moved out at the beginning of December and called off my wedding after my fiancée announced, unceremoniously, that he did t know what he wanted. I moved back to my parents' house because we had put his niece and her fiancé into my property as tenants a mere 7 days before this revelation (and to the tune of HALF of my mortgage...whole other story, tangent for another time). Bear in mind, we are law partners, so we still have to see each other every day. It's been hard, I wanted to get our friendship back, he wanted to "fix things" (as always, when I leave, things get bad enough to fix). Anyway, amongst the "fix it" proposals include the following: (1) I WILL NEVER BE ASKED TO MOVE TO THE SAME CITY AS BABY MOMMA EVER AGAIN. This one was huge. Deal breaker huge. (2) THINGS WILL NO LONGER BE OMAY IF IM THE ONLY ONE BEING SHIT ON (aka by his daughter & BM). They have learned to be nice to him, but feel no similar obligation towards me. He has promised to defend me and my feelings to both. (3) He has promised to make me a priority, treat me like a lady, but respect me like a lawyer at work.
I sooooo want to believe him, but words ring hollow & I need to see action. He's trying, which is huge. I want to move back in and give it a final go, but I'm scared. My therapist would slap me. He thinks I've escaped the 7th ring of hell, but I do love this man. Ugh!!!! Wise words, anyone?
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In my experience therapists
In my experience therapists generally don't advise their clients to leave a committed relationship, unless there are serious issues such as abuse and what-not. So i think you should evaluate how much you trust your relationship with your therapist and if you hold stock in his/her credentials. i doubt anyone knows your situation better and hopefully can advise you better then anyone.
How many times have you given
How many times have you given it another chance? If it's the first time you've left and you want to try again then go for it. If this is the 10th time I'd say probably not going to turn out any different. What do YOU want to do?
The moment my therapist took
The moment my therapist took my hand and said to me "you know this is killing you inside, what do you need to hear to get out of this marriage."
I asked the question, he answered exactly as I thought he would and still didn't want to let go, felt like a failure and she said this will be the best thing for you right now, go home and pack his things get out of this now, I did. I'm so glad I did.
I completely understand how
I completely understand how you feel- 11 years ago I was in my mid 20's and in a relationship with an idiot- I wanted to make it work so bad so I didn't feel like a failure. I am now married to the most wonderful man a woman could really ask for. Stay away- heal and then move on.
You have to kiss a lot of frogs and trust me I did- but, my prince was so worth the wait
Don't don't DO NOT rush right
Don't don't DO NOT rush right back! He can surely prove to you all these things while you two are in an interim "dating" phase if he really means it. MAKE HIM PROVE THAT HE CAN ACTUALLY DO IT. talk is cheap. If it was so easy for him to do all these things why wasn't he doing them before?
Sueu2 gave the best possible advice, and so eloquently!
Give it time so you can watch and OBSERVE and see if these things truly transpire before you make people start moving and everything.
Great advice! And I'm going
Great advice! And I'm going to take it. Not moving back in unless/until things change for a long enough time that I can believe they have "really changed". THANK YOU!!!