Well I think Christmas is finally ruined for me. DH is sulking because SD deleted her myspace account so now he won't be able to talk to her at all. Actually her mom probably made her delete for lying, smack talking , or whoring around again. DH has been writing panty thief SS sentimental letters and talking about how much he misses him for months now. It would be nice if he would write our kids letters while he is at work, about how he misses them and his expectations. It would be nice if he called our children. It would be nice if he wrote me love letters instead of his children. He gets no phone calls or texts or emails from them anymore. Maybe an occasional gift list via email.

DH is trying to fake he is in the Christmas spirit so he is spending thousands of dollars on crap for us and not leaving anything to pay for the vacation we booked, gifts for our (my) closest friends, and giving to the poor. I can't point out stuff like this to him because if I ever question anything he does, he accuses me of shutting him down and I get the silent treatment. So we don't discuss raising our kids, paying the bills, money, house repairs, charity, social life. He normally brings up his "ideas" like getting matching tattoos, or liking motorcycles, or going to some concert, and I'm like "oh, that is fascinating." He doesn't even talk about work. I'm really into prayer and my spiritual life right now, but we don't talk about that either because I don't really want to listen to him talk about his stupid religion that he made up himself. He doesn't listen to me anymore anyways or ask me any questions about myself since I am a "Jesus freak" now.

I would just like to go to the Christmas concert, go see the Christmas lights, bake cookies, help people in need, decorate, go to Church. That kind of thing. He hates Christmas music, Christmas lights, Christmas decorations, Church, everything. He'll insist on coming along and make it all miserable. He would have fun with all that stuff if SD and SS were here, but for some reason he just can't enjoy it with our kids. Or maybe it is with me around. I wish he would just pick up the football and throw it around with our boys, teach them how to wrestle and fight and play sports.

I'm glad my skids won't be here gagging and pretending to vomit at Christmas dinner, peeing all over our beds and couches, calling me and my kids names and throwing things at me, stealing underwear, and watching trashy tv shows and listening to trashy music. It sucks that to my husband those are good Christmas memories. I think I am kind of disengaging from him. We won't ever split up, but wow there is such a disconnect. Why doesn't he just go spend Christmas with them? Topping this off, my pastor had a heart attack last week and now he has to have surgery, so he won't even be at the annual church Christmas party.