Day 6: Can't say "goodbye" nor explain myself
My Day 1 story is in my previous post. Today is Day 6.
SD10 is extremely upset that I'm moving out. She missed school and is crying a lot from what I hear. She and I are very close and her father told her and her sisters that I was moving out without me as a part of the conversation.
I wanted to reach out to all of them myself but was told not to. I have also offered to talk to her myself but I'm getting no response of yes or no - just blame that I caused all of this. I'm really worried that I won't be able to talk to her and say goodbye and that she's going to hate me forever. I am so sad at this thought. It is also frustrating that I cannot speak for myself - I don't want to go into all the gnarly details (would never do that) but I do want to hug her and tell her that I'd love to always be a part of her life, that I'd pick her up to do things now and then if she wanted that and if her parents were okay with it. She is the sweetest, caring child and suffers from anxiety and I'm so upset and worried that she's taking this so hard.
Have you experienced this? What happened? I'm asking for another lifeline from this group.
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I dayed a man with 3 young
I dated a man with 3 young kids for about 3 years and, not gonna lie, after the breakup, I never spoke with them again. I thought it would be better for everyone if we made a clean break and all moved on. That's just my own experience, though. If they had reached out to me, i would have responded positively, but they didn't and that was ok.
I am very sorry for you and
I am very sorry for you and for that little girl. Based on what I've read about her father, the chance of you staying in this girl's life seems pretty slim. I hope I'm wrong. There are some instances where the step parent has kept in touch with the step kids after the relationship was over, but I don't think it's too common.
If he indulges his daughters so much, maybe he will allow it, if that's what she wants. But, he's probably worried about what you might tell her, what kind of influence you might have on her. He might think you have some ulterior motive.
I'm glad you are out of that toxic situation but it is hard, leaving those that you care about.
Unfortunately, I am on "the
Unfortunately, I am on "the clean break" bandwagon. It is very difficult but makes life much less complicated and guarantees that there will be no conflict. I'm sorry.
Thank you, this makes a lot
Thank you, this makes a lot of sense. I definitely don't want to make things worse for her.
I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to stay in her life but I do think saying goodbye and that you love her provides some closure to help everyone move on. That may be impossible if the parents don't allow it. Allowing kids to have a proper goodbye to friends, family or babysitters that are left behind helps the child be able to process and move on but I know a lot of parents just rip kids away with no goodbyes. It's sad.
Part of your grieving
Unfortunately this is going to be part of the This Really Suks package. Grieve for all of this, allow yourself permission to grieve and then let go, knowing that the future holds much greatness for you, and there is always that possibility that in the future she will reach out or you two will connect.
I thought I had a wonderful relationship with SD18 Powersulk. This lasted to about 12, from age 8. I had to grieve that loss, and in a way still grieve it.
Yeah, the "This Really Sucks
Yeah, the "This Really Sucks Package" just keeps growing LOL. Thank you for replying - it helps.
Thanks, Rags. I have been
Thanks, Rags. I have been embracing it and just taking it day by day. It's good to sense that my nervous system is calming down and I'm able to think more clearly. It is also becoming clear as to the depression I was having to muster up the energy to override every single day for at least two years. Didn't make it out of bed on many days. It is wonderful to go to work the past few business days with a clearer head and I must say a more cheery disposition. All in all, good stuff, but I'm still feeling that 'habit' of checking the phone, wondering, playing the 'what-if' game in my head, etc. I know this will subside in time.
It sounds like you're doing
It sounds like you're doing great! I've been wondering about you. Keep it up!
Aw thank you :)
I am constantly amazed at the kindness of complete internet strangers. Thank you for that. It means so much, especially when we feel so alone.
The trendline is improving. Better now that exSO has been blocked. Now I just need to break the habit of looking at my phone and email every 5 minutes. It certainly makes me realize the toxic levels of anxiety I was living with prior to the split.
Step daughter
Hi sweetie, I've just joined this site but been a stepmother for nearly 18yrs. The YSD28 was 9 coming up almost 10 when we first met, moved in with us permanently at the age of 11 because madbiatch BM didn't like her refusal to make a malicious allegation against her dad, and didn't have any contact with her till YSD reestablished contact with her at the age of 18, when she left to go to uni (another story/saga) I was close to YSD for many years before this .
Unfortunately, YSD28 has always had huge jealousy/narcissistic issues and suddenly wanted dad's undivided attention. Her demands became irrational and she began a low level hate campaign against me. Trying to turn her older sister and my 3 bios against me (was hairy, but ultimately hasn't worked). DH sees right through any b*llocks straight away thank the lord! And I went no contact in late 2022, she still raises her ugliness occasionally, but I completely ignore the inane, toxic, vitriolic (great word) crap, and try to imagine her frustration at my disassociation.
My point is, that you have had a fairly decent relationship with the 10yo up till now (as I thought I had) but the imput from her birth family means that you will have absolutely no chance of it happening going forward. My advice is to walk away for both of you. Your ex was an arse
Yes, I'm 26 days in and...
You are 100% correct. I'm 26 days post move-out and the smear campaign is at full throttle by OSD19.
Thank you for weighing in. I'm sorry you've had to endure that as well.