This is a dangerous time for you and you already know he's unstable right now.

(((((HUGS)))))

Damn. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

ETA i hate that he is mentally ill, but no woman is going to be able to look past an addiction to fking other women. 

I hope this is his "rock bottom" and he follows through. But an addict can't be trusted. Keep moving forward and taking care of yourself because you are awesome. 

Sorry you are going through this. Keep your eye on the goal: You entering the life you deserve with people who deserve you. 

Get the best lawyer out there to take his butt down and I hope you can sell quick. I think you should move swiftly, quickly and firmly to do what you need to do. I think moving quick will be an advantage 

Thinking of you and hope it goes ok

As others said, please be careful. His secrets have been exposed, but there may be more. Is there someone you can text at set times morning and evening as a wellness check? One who will know to contact the police if you don't?

{{{HUGS}}}

Thanks for the update; you've been on my heart and mind. 

Proud of you! You are doing all the right things, and this will be over soon. (((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My first ex husband also went to a very dark place when I told him I was leaving. He called me and told me he was holding a gun to his head, and I could hear the cylinder turning. I was able to contact one of his friends who found him and talked him down. I agree with the others, please be careful. Even though he has never been violent, he is in a very bad place and you don't want to get hurt if he takes a turn for the worse.

Hon, I don't feel the slightest bit of pity for your soon-to-be-ex-husband, nor should you. He managed to deceive, bully and cheat on you for years and, now that consequences loom, he's ever so sorry and ready to KILL HIMSELF! Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. If he hadn't been caught out, he'd continue with his disgusting behaviour as long as he was able to get away with it.

Don't fall for his 'too little too late' apologies and self-recrimination; they are simply manipulation tactics. He will never change.

I know he's never been violent but you have to think about where he is mentally. He's been exposed and everyone knows. Please consider changing locks, having police at the home, family with you, etc. And as I've said and everyone else has said, his mental state is NOT your concern. He's an addict but knows what he's doing. Take care of you.

He can't be fixed.  He seeking a therapist and is in this shape ?  The therapist is doing nothing..  You know you must leave. This is not marriage material.  Best luck.   What is he going to do at home ?  Why did he go on vacation like this ?   Leave

First.. please take care of you and be safe.. he is acting unpredictably.. so there are some risks obviously.

IMHO.. I would move out at this point.. and if he wants to have you join him in therapy and arranges it.. you can try that.

However, I think it's a very uphill road.

First.. his job travel would probably need to completely cease if you were to want to try again because I can't see how anyone would trust after what he has been doing.

second,  I think it's awfully hard to move past things when he may start to resent the level of scrutiny and lack of trust he is facing.. letting you have open access to all his electronics etc.. 

Third,  I think you are "over" it at this point.. so the relationship lasting and enduring seems like more of the long shot.. so I would at least set up a temporary separation.. a year lease for you... so that you can make your own decisions  without him trying to lovebomb and gaslight you into staying.

Every time he goes to the grocery store and is 10 minutes past when he says he'll be back- you will be wondering where he is. There is no coming back from what he did, time and time again.

He showed you he has no respect for you and the only reason he came clean was because he got caught- lord knows how much longer he would have willingly put you at risk had you not confronted him. No one, and I mean no one will want this man once they know who he truly is. You deserve happiness. Get your stuff out and don't give him room for false hope. Hugs 

Cover1W I am worried for you, a person who feels they have nothing left to lose isn’t afraid of the law anymore.  Perhaps get a hotel room and stay there for the time being until the house is sold.  I know it’s not ideal but I don’t think you should be anywhere near this guy at this point.

Please consider everyone's advice and do NOT let him in the house, or get a hotel if you have to.  My outlook is a bit skewed due to my profession, but a lot of women have said their soon to be ex is incapable of hurting someone, and then they end up in a suitcase in a ravine. Your H is in a dark place right now. 

Huge hugs and many prayers and love going your way. Im glad you are taking all the necessary steps to get away from him ASAP.

Take care of you.

In my own experience, my ex (was with him for 13 years, we split 8 years ago), was cheating with sex workers. When HE broke it off, I stayed in our condo for one month before I could get out. I banned him from the condo and even blocked the bedroom door just in case he got in. He had never been violent towards me, but had been in bar fights in his early 20's. He went on a coke and alcohol bender during that month and threatened suicide.  I had coworkers in law enforcement on standby, and people I had to check in with on a schedule.  I knew from work experience that it was an unsafe environment, and I couldn't undo one act of violence if he chose it. Please stay safe. 

omg I am so sorry

He didn't come clean. He was caught. There's too much evidence for him to keep denying it so it's not really the same as coming clean.

He's really smart lying and hiding  like this for years and he's being smart now telling you things to keep you engaged and hooked and worrying about his well being. He's not a victim here.

Perhaps he's not violent but he's not someone you can ever trust.

Put your safety and well being first. don't focus on his well being and what he needs, even in this horror he manages to be the center of everyone's concern: is he ok, what's he doing, how's he doing etc But what about you?

Stay safe and put yourself first 

Cover, I thought about this all night and I wanted to say that I completely under why you still have concern for his well-being. Of course he still has the ability to tug at your heartstrings; you wouldn't be married to him if you didn't love him. And that doesn't just shut off overnight. It's normal and healthy to have mixed feelings. Add to that the fact that you're a decent person who wouldn't want [i]anyone[/i] to harm themselves.

I get it, my XH's sex addiction led to affairs that led to our divorce. The anger that I feel about that is indescribable. But to this day, I still have love for him. I used to feel really ashamed of that, but being a loving and kind person is a key component of my character, and honestly it's a miracle that everything he did didn't squash that out of me. 

My therapist really helped me see that both feelings can exist at the same time, what's important is that I still took the actions I needed to take in order to protect myself. Even when his apologies and begging would tempt me to do otherwise.

It's a good thing to not live in bitterness, but you do have to leverage your anger and betrayal to get done what must be done. I believe that you're strong enough and wise enough to keep your eye on prize, so to speak.

Has your therapist recommended any support groups for families of addicts? Understanding the addiction aspect of this is so important. Not to soften your feelings towards him, but to help you understand that an addict who is actively in the throes of their addiction simply cannot be trusted. It's sad, but it's true. Every single thing he says and does must be taken with a tablespoon of salt until and unless he's been "clean" for a significant period of time and actively has a sponsor or someone holding him accountable on a daily basis. 

Whatever you do, everyone here is on your side and wants what's best for you. Please keep us posted as you're able. 

I so agree with everythting everyone else has said. Especially the part from Felicity about being ablento care about your H while still knowing that you can't be with him anymore. I also agree with the recommmendations to gonto a hotel. I have both personal and professional experience in this. Personally, my exH turned into a totally different person when I pulled the plug and he panicked. He wasn't a bad person but he wasn't a good person during that time and I ended up calling the police. Professionally, I can back up what others have said. A woman is most likely to he hurt by her partner in the days after the breakup. And if you truly believe he was suicidal, please know that suicide and homicide are two ends of the same continuum. One can flip to the other in a moment. Please stay safe.