We wrapped up our visit with SS12 yesterday. He said he had an amazing 3 weeks and felt much more connected than previous visits. He said he got to experience our normal routine like taking DD to gymnastics, us working normally, and going with DH to golf league, which he normally doesn't get to experience when he is only here for a week or two. He also said he got to see more people more frequently, than just seeing them once. DH and I wrapped up some photos from our visit and sent them back in SS' bag with a note saying how much fun we had and how much we love him. 

Last week, SS had a call with BM and GF and of course, it took its normal toxic turn. I didn't listen, but heard some of it as SS was heading upstairs. SS complained that he had a migraine and BM and GF automatically jumped on the hate train, saying that "DH and I weren't doing anything to fix it." SS seemed frustrated. DH walked in mid-call to give SS water and Motrin, which shut them up and relieved SS from listening to it any further. BM then complained that it didn't seem like SS wanted to talk to them and that he looked "so drained because we were clearly running him ragged." The call ended after 15 minutes (much shorter than their normal 30-45 minute calls). SS came down and asked for more help with his migraine. He seemed annoyed and stressed. We encouraged water and a little caffeine, gave him a cold compress, and sent him upstairs to lay in the dark for a bit. After 30 minutes, SS came down, saying it had helped significantly, and that he appreciated our help and support in fixing that. Again, we aren't incompetent for caring for SS like BM and GF tell him we are. 

Prior to leaving yesterday, SS asked DH if he could take home some leftover steak we grilled. He said it was his favorite meal all trip. DH packaged him some up to take home. When BM and GF arrived to pick-up, BM mockingly said "oh look GF, SS is bringing home steakkk. Wow steakkk." SS looked frustrated and annoyed. He gave DH, DD2, and I huge hugs and said thanks for everything. DD started crying and had a full meltdown on our front porch saying "SS, my brother, stay, no leave." That pulled on SS' heartstrings a bit and he ended up coming back up to the porch to comfort her, which annoyed BM and GF more. After SS left, it took a while to calm DD down and to distract her with something else. She is still asking for SS periodically. 

All in all, this may have been a turning point for SS. We haven't seen him that connected during a visit in a while. Usually, visits are too short for him to settle in, so he is superficial and it's hard because we can't really do anything in a few days or a week, so this was a huge change for all of us. He told us he doesn't want shorter than 3 weeks for summer visits going forward, but let's see if BM and GF allow that again and whether SS will be willing to stand up to them to advocate for it. We know our requests would fall on deaf ears if we asked directly, so that's pointless. I think/hope SS is finally realizing that maybe the grass isn't greener at BM and GFs like they encourage him to believe it is and maybe he is finally figuring some of this out. We will see SS again for Labor Day weekend, so not too long between visits. 

OH, I FORGOT: SS also weighed himself while he was here and he's 95 lbs. As previously mentioned, BM and GF have been giving SS protein powder to "bulk him up" and been forcing him to workout 6 days per week, despite the fact that he is 12, pre-puberty, and DH and BM are both skinny, so it will have no impact at all. DH has voiced his disapproval of these methods and creating a negative environment for body dysmorphia and negative body image. BM and GF blew him off, telling him they have sole decision making and this is what SS needs for sports. So, we leave it be but we have talked to SS about the impact these things have on his mental health and that as long as the doctor says he is healthy, thats all he needs to worry about. SS was cheering that once he hit 95 lbs, they promised him a reward... For someone who has a professional background in youth and adolescent mental health (BM's career), BM is really winning at encouraging a healthy mindset and preventing a possible eating disorder and body issues.