An important note: DH and I saw SS12 over Thanksgiving and SS told us that he despises wrestling and doesn't want to sign up again next year, but BM and GF are forcing SS to finish out this season.  ** This will be important for later. **

A week ago, BM emailed DH to let him know that SS' wrestling districts overlap with a long weekend visitation we have in February. BM told DH that she was swapping DH's weekends from a 3-day weekend in February to a 3-day weekend in January. It wasn't an ask, but rather a demand. Since it was "like time" and we didn't have plans, DH agreed that was fine. 

Tonight, the coach emails everyone with dates and times of other matches throughout the season and one is scheduled for the Friday that DH is supposed to pick SS12 up in January. DH emails BM to acknowledge that he saw this scheduling conflict and told BM that either SS will be forced to miss the match or DH will allow SS to attend the match, but DH would expect BM to delay her pick-up on the return trip to ensure his time with SS is maintained in full. 

BM responded, basically stating that it is up to DH - that he can be the bad guy who tells SS he is missing the match or DH can be the bigger person and let SS go to the match, losing the few hours of parenting time, because BM was maintaining the original pick-up time on the return trip and not offering flexibility. She also highlighted that "per the state co-parenting guidelines" aka these mythical, non-existent guidelines BM likes to throw up to manipulate DH and only when they serve her point, that it is important that both parents take kids to events, regardless of whose time it is. DH agrees that in a 50/50 situation, both parents take kids to extracurriculars, doctors appointments, etc. but we are on a long distance schedule. DH sees SS for 6 weeks per year with zero flexibility from BM, so when BM continuously and forcibly takes 2 hours here, 4 hours here, a day here, etc. to allow SS to attend every single event she wants him to attend, DH loses significant time overall. And BM never bats an eye at SS missing stuff for BM's plans - he just missed a week of school and sports for BM's family vacation a few weeks back. She also asked DH to do her a favor in adjusting parenting time last week, which resulted in DH getting an extra 20 hours with SS, and had the audacity to ask for a make-up day (despite already having over 300 days per year) to "offset the time DH gained." So accordingly to BM, DH can lose time with SS and it's okay, but BM can't. 

DH talked to SS tonight on the phone and told him what was happening and that he would be missing the match. The whole time DH had this conversation with SS, SS kept looking up and past the phone, like he was looking for visual validation and reassurance from BM. SS barely said two words about it but seemed hesitant and uneasy, like DH was creating major issues for SS at home. DH emailed BM back, keeping it BIFF, letting her know that SS would be missing the match to accommodate the 4-hour drive back to our state and that he let SS and the coach know. Later tonight, DH gets a text from SS (we believe it was BM on SS' phone or BM forcing SS to send the message), telling DH that even if it resulted in DH and SS getting back to our state super late (like midnight), SS still wants to attend the match so DH can watch and that it's really important to him. **Coming from the kid who just told us days ago that he hates wrestling.** DH held firm and told SS that moving the visit to the January weekend was already accomodating another match in February, and since it is the only other 3-day weekend in the academic calendar (because BM wouldn't be flexible to offer any other option), this is when the visit had to be moved to and SS couldn't do both this match and districts; it was one or the either. DH reiterated that he would be coming to watch SS wrestle at the February match. We haven't heard anything from BM or SS since.

I'm sure BM is spiraling because she has always gotten what she wants from the courts and SS and it has forced DH's hand and forced compliance. Since she has never been told "No" and has always gotten what she has wanted, I'm sure she is grasping at anything to force DH to comply with her wishes. I just hate the frickin double standards with her. SS has missed so much school and sports every year for BM's stuff - a week for her wedding, a few days for a ski trip, a week for their family vacation a few weeks ago, etc. BM never stresses the importance of commitment in those instances, yet when DH asks for even a second more or asks for flexibility, BM says "No" and stresses the importance of every school day, every sports practice, and every game/match. BM's time is the only time that matters, and she expects total flexibility to suit her needs, and if SS never saw DH again, that would be totally acceptable to her. Ugh. 

I am dreading the lengthy, manipulative, abusive email response that I am sure we will receive from BM tomorrow. DH said if we get one, he will simply respond "I will pick SS up on x date at x time" (the date and time he agreed to originally) and thats it and he won't debate this topic again. I told DH that he will likely have to have a conversation with SS over Christmas break that because SS lives long distance, he will have to miss things to accommodate visits, and that it is just the nature of this arrangement. DH won't bash BM to SS but BM is the one who moved away from DH and created this situation, so DH is not taking accountability for her mess.