You are always one of the great posters with wonderful and sane advice on here.  I just know that you deserve to find a partner that values you.. and is honest with you... and this guy isn't doing that for you.

The problems are not just steplife related... it's extremely concerning that he took prescription drugs without a prescription.. and the contact of his "old friend"... is pretty suspect too.  

Look, we all wish it were different, but it's just not that common to be friends with someone of the opposite sex.. not without there being some unrequited desire on one side and or the other.  I mean.. sure, I have friendly conversations with my coworkers.. and when we travel for business, we eat meals together from time to time, but I'm not hanging out outside work.. not getting meds from them.. lol..   The fact that he was hiding it.. well.. that speaks volumes to the point that he knows that this was not something you would be happy about.

I mean.. if she was such a great pal.. why not invite her to join you on some group activity at some point in the past?  no? didn't do that?  yeah.. because his intentions were not totally pure I'm guesssing.

I'm sorry he has dissapointed you.. but you have so much going for you.. and your worth is NOT determined by the actions of a Dbag in action.

Great assessment @Rumplestitlskin. ESMOD is right he's a Dbag, I hope you take your great insight and move on from this guy. I know this feeling - it passes and you deserve better. Glad you two are not living together - this will be an easier transition. 

Im so sorry this is happening. Its not at all fun being the relationship police. 

What are you going to do next? Going no contact is a wonderful idea.

Been there.

I caught my DH in several emotional affairs (he denies of course). I was in my hometown moving my Mom into a nursing home and he was back home "accidentally" running into a friend at a restaurant where he intended to "read a book."  To my knowledge, he'd not met her alone before and I don't recall him ever going to a restaurant to "read." It was just a "coincidence" that I was out of town. My BS meter was spinning. 

This was not the first woman ("we're just friends") and holy hell rained down on his head. He had an appointment for therapy the next day, as did I, to see if the marriage would survive.

Obviously it did and we're happy, but forever changed.

One more thing...DH's health is in decline and he requires a fair amount of care. I find myself wondering what my life would be like if I had left him. I can't know of course (it could be worse) and I feel guilty even thinking it. 

Anyone that is not a friend of your relationship can not be a friend to only one of you. You're not being crazy, but please think about why you tolerate his behavior. Therapy saved my sanity. 

Rumple..you are living seperately from this man, etc.  He has shown that he cannot be trusted.  Really you went away and he had to "talk" to good old Brittney.  My own DH like Merry's had many and I mean MANY...too many to count emotional/cyber sex affairs for 9 GD years.  We have been in therapy for over 2 years and yes we are still together but it's been a long haul.  

Dh only NOW understands his why...and none of them are.

1. slighted for sex

2. because I put kids/others/job above him

3. Stress

All the above were just the justifications..not the why. DH's why...he was insecure and wanted validation.  He used his side items as a means to escape our stress filled life....a life that was full of stress due to his ex and his kids. 

He justified his side items because 

1. I was busy...(yea with a full time job and 4 kids)

2.  I didn't want him...(see above...all I wanted was freaking sleep and some quiet)

3.  I didn't meet his needs (see above and the D*ckH3d never mentioned any needs that were lacking)

Bottom line your SO seems like my DH and is an avoider...he avoid any tough conversation or anything that brings him some discomfort.  That doesn't work in the long run.....there are always things that are hard/difficult.

I like Merry wonder what my life would be like if I had left DH two years ago or better yet many years ago when I suspected he had extra -curricular activies.  I would be in a cottage somewhere near a beach enjoying my empty nest that is for sure.

My advice...cut him loose. There will always be another "Brittney"....since your SO hasn't done the work to figure out why he keeps repeating this pattern.

My DH is fully aware...my forgiveness is a one and done. Do this shiznit again or keep his really really sh*tty communication habits...I will slap him with a divorce so fast his head will spin off.

I have to ask, why isn't Britney allowed at work functions?

And - you deserve way better than this guy. He keeps showing you who he is - a man who cannot be trusted in any sense of the word. It is time to move on.

I'm so, so sorry. I know this feeling all too well, and it absolutely sucks. I'm glad you listened to your instinct. My XH used to brag to me about how he turned women down, he'd send me screenshots of him declining their advances (he has a huge IG following, so not uncommon for women to dm him). It ALWAYS raised my spidey senses, so to speak, but it took a couple of years before I could prove that for every woman he told me about, there were multiple that he didn't turn down. The "openness" was just an attempt to distract my attention/gaslight me into believing that he was transparent. No surprise, but the long-term mistress I eventually caught him with initially contacted him on IG. And he's cheated on her countless times with other women he's met the same way. He also cheated on BM, which I did not know until after we were married, and he had so many justifications for it. If I knew then what I know now, I would've divorced him as soon as I found out he'd been unfaithful in his first marriage. Men just don't change, particularly if they've never really suffered any consequences for their behavior.

Again, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. You deserve so much better. I hope that you'll find it in time, and find a way to never look back on this asshole. 

I am so sorry that he is what and who he is.  Time for you to move on.  Put his ass in the poor house and get on with your life.  He can go rescue Brit and her two daddy spawn.

Actually cheating or not, he was being sneaky.  Sneaky has no place in a committed relationship. Unless it is related to a major surprise for you. He cheated on your trust.  Flush the shit.

Take care of you.

to comment on this site, and many of us have been doing it for years. But none of us is perfect, and for many our own issues is what got us embroiled in dysfunctional step life in the first place. I now know myself well enough to see the how and why of my situation, the holes I had inside and how I thought DH and co. could patch them. 

I think you recognize your relationship isn't healthy, and that it can't progress. Perhaps it's time for you to work with a professional to uncover why you feel unable to cut this guy loose? I hate that you're hurting,  but you seem stuck.