Shall we take bets that Beaver stole more money from SD...
My bet for 1000 is YES
SD had a grad party at Beaver's on Saturday. Beaver made a box for everyone to put cards in , etc. (Honesly, when I heard I was like..what is this a wedding...didn't realize people did that shiznit for a grad party but ok). SD askd Beaver if she could open the cards, etc while at the part so she could thank everyone personally. Beaver told her no...that she would take the box home and they would open the cards later so SD could write thank you notes (apparently no one heard of a pen and paper or taking notes on a phone so that cards could be done later). Beaver and SD went home seperately since SD had some of her friends parties to go to after her own.
SD said there was about 100 people there...and yet she only cleared about $300 from the party. SD said that there were only about 5 cards in the box..
Mkay.....my best guess....Beaver took the box home and pocketed most of the cards/money.
Anyone else want to place any bets.....however, we may never know exactly what happened.
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Was the party consisting of working adults?
Then there should be more money is my bet. Beaver will gnash her teeth and flap the waters, if anything is suggested.
SD18 Powersulk used to have to hide her money at our house, and recently she mentioned shes been getting an allowance. Since husband pays child support until this month finally, thats from Husband.
But she still got at least 300$ from her 5 adult family members that attended her graduation (she couldnt decide on a party or dinner or anything so I left it all alone)
It was all her older relatives..these are all
adults over the age of 35 ....so yep all employed older adults. smh.....we will never say anything to SD..but both DH and I went....mmmhmmm.Beaver is stealing the money.
Sd also will not leave money/gift cards etc at Beavers.. Beaver takes it all for "safe keeping" only never to be seen again.
What is the going rate for
What is the going rate for graduation cash? This is a tradition I haven't heard of before (I'm not from the USA, but living here now.)
It depends....around here in the mid-west
I think the average is about $100....its intended to give the graduation some cash for college or future expeneses.
Betting the farm on it
Yep, BM had a very, very serious "need" so she dipped into the box.
Yep..those Bath and Body works candles don't pay for themselves
nor does any of the other crap Beaver thinks she needs. Her house is like a hoarders house.....I've seen pictures...
There is no doubt IMHO.
There is no doubt IMHO.
Too bad the Skid did not just tell mommy "Sorry mom. I don't trust you. I just graduated and I will take care of my own cards and thanking everyone."
If I were SD, I would have immediately taken the boxs and locked it away. When alone I would have opened the cards and used an app to immediately deposit checks into an indepedent account that BM has no knowledge of or access to, and pocketed cash.
Then, I would have written and sent my thankyous. Just for shits and giggles, I would have then said "Wow mom! I got $XXXX.XX in cash, checks, and gift cards." Whatever the number ended up being. Or... "I did pretty well mom." With no mention of the total involved.
You and me both..
I was a bit of a handful at that age and I definately would have said..nah...give me cards and I will handle them the way I see fit. aka...go eff yourself and give me my cards.
SD sadly is like DH and avoids conflict like its their job. Going to be a problem in the future I fear for SD....just ask DH....he has experience.
Saying no or making a
Saying no or making a decision is not conflict. It is what it is. No. Or... "Thanks mom. I got it." Neither is conflict. Unless BM makes it a conflict. In which case, the Secondary response needs to be far more firm and direct. "Mom. I told you I got it. Do you really want to turn this into something that will be entirely embarrassing for you?"
Even then. Not a conflict. Just a manipulative BM overstepping.
It is sad that both DH and his DD do not have the testicular fortitude to recognize what is and what is not actual conflict.
My Dd19
Probably got $1000 and there was not 100 people at her party. She had way less. Only five cards? I definitely think the Beaver helped herself
I think she helped herself since DH remembers
what SD and SS got from that side of the family on previous occassions....we are talking upwards of 2k for baptism and first communion, etc. DH thinks the only reason Beaver didn't steal them was because DH would have called her out on it. Also, Beaver is the type to buy someone a present for xmas or birthday...and she would buy them things SHE wants not what the recipient would like. Example: one xmas DH got a food dehydrator and another year he got a set a cooking pans. DH does not like dehydrated food nor does he cook..magically Beaver took over those gifts. So it doesn't surprise me that she would take money from SD....after all she is ENTITLED since she gave birth to SD.
I don't disagree with BM's gift giving perspective.
With a caveate... I buy people what I want them to have not necessarily what they think the want. Those gifts are in no way for me. Those gifts are things I put thought and effort into for that person. Gift cards, cash, video games, electronics, etc... nope. At lease not usually. Though for NCGs, cash is usually how we go. New college grads usually have a need for cash and a decent amount can make a difference for them beyond buying the latest game, a tattoo, etc....
Our youngest Rags clan nephew finished his BS last month. We gave him $500. He and his 2yr+ serious GF were leaving a few days later for a month trip in Asia and then returning to get their college Animal House crash pad packed up and move into their downtown highrise apartment not far from his new first big boy job and her year clinic internship before Med school. That amount is our standard for NCG gifts. For NHSG gifts we do $200. Neither is a life changing amount but we hope it is enough to make some difference for them as they progress to the nex level of adulthood.
Things I want them to have is how I like to do gifts. My DW does this as well. Sadly it has broken her heart more than once. But, the model mostly holds because in our marriage, special for the people we are obtaining gifts for is what we want to do for them, and for us as far as that effort goes. Which is usually... way too far for many of the recipients to really understand and appeciate.
Though with all but MIL and my DW's Aunt in the IL clan, DW just buys off of their lists except on rare occassions. She has been left heartbroken enough over "Why would you get me that?" type comments enough that preservation of her emotional well being by just getting something on their list is mosly the status quo.
All my Money will be placed
All my Money will be placed on Beaver dipping in the grad gift funds. I am all in! If you think about it, WHY else would Beaver worry that much about what SD did with the cards and insist on taking them home with her unless she had the ulterior motive to sneak some for herself? You figure that she had to get that involved over it for a reason
Exactly...SD is 18 no need to guard the gifts
and "help" her with thank you cards.
CS is ending
What is Beaver going to do. This was the last cash grab. Bigger question is. Why did you not expect this? Her kids was her cash pipe line. What now drying up. Next thing she will throw SD out, she doesn't need her anymore. Just make sure that SD doesn't move in with you. You don't need the drama. Beaver will get her claws into your bank account again. I mean you don't expect her to get a job do you ?
Oh we were not suprised in the least
DH and I even talked about the fact we figured Beaver would get her claws into SD's money.
Do we expect her to kick out SD..yep..or she will demand that SD give her rent money.
As far as moving in with us..nope. See...kid 2, my DD, will be leaving in August for her masters. That leaves a room open in the condo we own..and SD can move in there. Not even DH wants her living with us full time. (honestly he enjoys being childless and will admit now..he should not have had kids)
Beaver has a job...but alas....any money her kids have is HER money....you know...her money is her money and their money is her money. THEY OWEEEEEEE HERRRRRR..SINCE SHE GAVE BIRRRTRTTTTHHH TO THEMMMMMMM. Same goes for DH since he married her and promised to take carrrreeee off heerrrrr foreverrrrrrrrrrrr. He owes her....She actually said that in mediation one time.
"..married her and promised
"..married her and promised to take carrrreeee off heerrrrr foreverrrrrrrrrrrr. He owes her....She actually said that in mediation one time."
Oh how I hope DH and the mediator laughed their asses off out loud for the court reporter to capture when she did that.
Of course Beaver took the
Of course Beaver took the money. The sad thing is that SD will now look rude and unappreciative to those who gave her monetary gifts that will not be acknowledged.
We had that happen at the wedding of one of my employees.
We put a card in the basket on the gift table with $XXX.xx in it. There were dozens of cards in the basket. At the end of the reception the basket was gone. My employee asked me at work when they got back from their honeymoon how much we had given them. The venue security cameras had caught the individual who had taken the basket. My EE was working with law enforcement to get a number for the value of the theft so they could maximize the charges. It ended up being a felony and my EE and his wife prosecuted that family member.
That ended up being a mixed outcome for them in that community. My plant at that time was in a small town and everyone was related to everyone else. Most people were very supportive of my EE and his wife working with the police. Though some family were team thief and pushing my EE on "How could you do that to them???"
After the conviction, apparently the family member lost their job. Felons have a hard time retaining employment.
Maybe you, DH, and SD can go through the guest list from the party, figure out who left a gift, who didn't, then call everyone who she did not write a TY card to. Be direct "I am checking to see if I missed sending a TY card for a gift. Did I miss sending one to you? I want to say thanks. What did you give me BTW?" Then.... call the police to speak with mommy. There may not be any video but the notes from the call list may be enough for LEOs to knock on mommy's door and have an ass baring discussion with her.