BM FINALLY GAVE US SUMMER DATES

BM FINALLY GAVE US SUMMER DATES FOR SS12'S SUMMER VISIT AND IT IS SOOO GOOD! Normally, we have 2 two week blocks, with BM having 2 weeks in the middle. We have asked for more consecutive time for the last 5 years and BM has always refused, stating that SS was "uncomfortable."

BM emailed DH tonight and DH and I held our breath. BM always delivers bad news on a Friday, so we stew about it over the weekend, so we freaked. BM proposed a 1 week block and a 3 week block, with SS only returning to BM for 1 week in the middle, unprompted right off the bat. WE ARE FREAKING ECSTATIC! There was no need to fight with BM or use the coach's email to negotiate with her. And she notified us 2 weeks before the deadline, allowing us more time to plan. BM did mention that SS was "hesitant" about the longer duration (which is brainwashing/PAS). DH and I don't even care. We don't care that BM likely has plans in July she is accounting for and that in some way, this arrangement is likely benefitting her more than us. All we care about is that we finally exceeded 14 consecutive days with SS! 12 years and we finally did it! We have been stressed out about this for 2 months so I am so happy to finally be able to breathe and just relax and enjoy our summer.

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Exactly. What Rags said.

She's been playing games for this long I wouldn't put anything past her to be slick at last minute. Sounds like she found a boytoy and the kid being under her 24/7 will ruin her hoochie mama summer but boytoys can be unreliable so he schedule could change.

Also as Rags mentioned to me in the career thread, it applies here as well.....never "ask" BM for yours/your husbands parenting rights.

This is one of the reasons men be complaining for no reason is because they voluntarily submit to someone who has no real power.

The law is the power and she is not above the law.

Start asserting parental rights your husband and the son are entitled to.

Like "look here Betty, little Timmy will be traveling here for his (x amount of weeks) per the court order so make sure his bags are packed. Would you prefer to drop him off at the airport Tuesday at 10am or Thursday at 8am? ...

Insert the reminder about the court order so if she dare buck the system....she will get sued and "dragged" through that system.

Also her saying "stepson is uncomfortable with extended visits" is a bunch of hogwash where she is projecting her own fears.

Unless the boy is a breastfeeding infant/toddler then he will be just fine with extended summer visits.

My bio travelled for summer visits by herself starting at the tender age of 7. I used to be a wreck about all of it. But eventually got over myself and realized hey if she's not complaining, she's not being abused/neglected then it's fine.

Plus my breeder was forced to pay me child support .... while the kid was with him all summer long lol!!! Yessss come get yo kid AND keep that money coming ahahaha....He probably could have contested this but he was too busy spending even more money/chasing a$$ and cheating on his partner at the time to even care.

in this case

But, in this case, the judge has given BM all the power. Dad has a set number of weeks, but BM, in the court documents, has the right to determine the dates and how the time is allotted. Dad can legally only wait to hear what BM allows.

*Im not a legal pro and it's

*Im not a legal pro and it's been a while since I sued my breeder

BM, in the court documents, has the right to determine the dates and how the time is allotted

If someone thinks their rights are being violated they need to hire better lawyers, appeal, or request the judge recuse themselves https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/strategist/when-to-request-judicial-r...

Idk the laws in OP state but This judge and the lawyers who put that in court order should be ashamed imo and at the end of the day the OP husband read that one-sided court order then signed and agreed to it

If I were the OP husband I would have never signed that/negotiated better terms, fired my lawyer for a better one, appealed that decision, and exhausted ALL avenues to get a fair court order

Men complaining about how they get shafted in court because they give up for a multitude of reasons one of which is because they don't know (might not have the resources especially if they have new family/spouse) how to leave no stone unturned and they erroneously believe they have no rights

No one is above the law. Even people with money, manipulative people, etc eventually will get their a$& handed to them.

While I did most of the dragging in my situation there were a few times I was wrong/didn't know all The family court laws (as I mentioned above I projected my fears like this OP's BM and was forced to put my 7yo on a plane by herself) and my breeder exercised his rights no matter how uncomfortable I felt.

Humans are flawed/biased and court systems can be corrupt, but when you truly believe the courts system is there to protect the kids rights then the parents rights and much as you believe you will wake up healthy tomorrow then you're in a much better position to prove your case/fight for said rights if someone tries to take that from you or the kids.

We took BM to court multiple

We took BM to court multiple times, with the most recent case being in 2019/2020. The judge gave us this current CO, which gives BM full control over summer. We are guaranteed 4 weeks/28 days per the CO, but BM can allocate it however she wants to suit SS' sports obligations. The judge told DH that if DH ever brought another case before the court to increase time, the judge would dismiss it. The judge said he will never change the ruling we have now. He told DH to "pay your CS, accept the time you have, and move on" because "a child needs their Mom." We spent a year in court and $30k for that ruling. No lawyer, GAL, amount of evidence, etc. was going to change that judge's mind and BM refused to negotiate. The courts favor mothers over fathers, regardless of the impact it has on children.

BM doesn't have a boyfriend. She is married to her wife and they have been together for 7 years. BM moved SS down to be with her GF in 2017 (we also tried to fight that and lost) because BM has sole custody.

This whole situation is the product of teen/young adult pregnancy. BM got pregnant at 19 and because they were not married, BM had sole custody automatically. DH fought for his rights for years, but hit roadblocks at every turn. We fully believe BM intended to get pregnant and wanted DH to be a sperm donor with no actual parental role. She has made that clear since meeting her now wife. So when DH fought for rights, she wreaked havoc and has been high conflict ever since. We have literally done everything we can to fight this legally for the last 12 years with the resources we have. SS is 12 now and frankly, we aren't going to waste resources we can allocate to our lives and our DD to fight a losing battle.

BM can allocate it however

BM can allocate it however she wants to suit SS' sports obligations. The judge told DH that if DH ever brought another case before the court to increase time, the judge would dismiss it. The judge said he will never change the ruling we have now. He told DH to "pay your CS, accept the time you have, and move on" because "a child needs their Mom."

Judges are not perfect, some of them are biased at best, and some of them are flat out corrupt.

Same with lawyers. Some of them are biased and incompetent.

Idk if y'all live in a small town (we have about 4 family court judges here), If your DH believes his rights are being violated he needs to see if he can have his case reviewed by a different judge if y'all have more than one judge in family court.

This is just me. I would not accept some judge telling me random sports (unless the kid is a D1/Olympic level athlete) is more of a priority than my parenting rights.

And when he said "a child needs their mom" I would have said "I concur.....AND a child needs their father as well plus extend family, siblings, etc on BOTH sides" ... shut his biased pie hole all the way up.

CastleJJ and her DH have done everything possible

CastleJJ and her DH have done everything possible to get more time with SS. They have tried all of the angles and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars. They are now simply trying to make the best of what they have - and doing a great job at it.

^youre right I don't know the

^youre right I don't know the entire backstory and it's easy to say what one would do if in a similar situation but since I'm not in the situation just take this with a grain of salt.

DH fought for his rights for

DH fought for his rights for years, but hit roadblocks at every turn.

I know the feeling. I fought my breeder for many years in court.

I do agree with you in that at some point it can seem overwhelming to change what is in place.

You guys have to do what's right for you/your situation.

Also I might add if the court

Also I might add if the court order stipulates BM has more leeway with these dates it's probably also stipulated that she provide advance notices of said dates so OP can request BM provide said dates on or before the deadline so that they can procure travel arrangements for their parenting times.

If OP has the resources to consult an attorney, these court orders can be revised if it is determined to be in the benefit of the kid.