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Am I being completely unreasonable

BuntyBailey's picture

Submitted by BuntyBailey on Tue, 07/18/2023 - 12:58pm

So partners ex gone 6 years multiple step dads to the kids in between and multiple cancelled holidays has messaged OH asking to borrow the kids suitcases to take them away for a few days. She doesn't work as has sold one of my OH properties he bought during their marriage and is living off the proceeds whilst not working, only having the kids 30% of the time if that and feeding them takeaways constantly whilst we're working full time juggling childcare because she's getting her eyebrows done and still cooking wholesome meals from scratch. Now she's asked for the "kids" suitcases which I have since replaced as were battered and my OH bought them originally. Am I unreasonable to say she shouldn't be permitted to take stuff I have bought and FYI when if she can afford not to work, to live off takeaways and go on holiday there should be an expectation she buys what she needs to take her kids away?!? Sick of financing this joke when she does bare minimum.

Comments

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 07/18/2023 - 1:50pm

I thought the same thing when I purchased bathing suits for example...

Suitcases are significantly more expensive and as such should remain in the home that bought them. How to negotiate that tricky road is another thing...

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Tue, 07/18/2023 - 2:12pm

Are your finances combined?  If so you will have a more difficult time saying no if your OH thinks they can take them. If you think that there will be issues, then you can tell your OH that he is responsible for the cases - transport or replacement is on him. You will not help with $ (hard if combinded expenses), time, or effort related to potential replacement or negotiations.

Suitcases were one of the only things we never had an issue with - clothes, shoes, swimsuits, etc. all an issue.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Tue, 07/18/2023 - 9:49pm

First, are they the kids' suitcases (i.e., gifted to them or purchased by them) or are they YOUR suitcases that are used by the kids when you travel? If the latter, you don't need to make anything of yours available to BM, even for use by skids. What does your OH want to do? Does BM have a tendency not to return things to your house once they migrate to hers?

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 07/19/2023 - 7:34am

JUST SAY NO.   It's your suitcases,  you controlled the suitcase. Part of taking kids on vacation is to buy them proper clothing, beach amusement park,  suitcases, suntan, hats.   Just like you did.