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Nervous wreck! Could BM prevent us from moving?!?!

CarmenZ41's picture

Submitted by CarmenZ41 on Fri, 07/07/2023 - 5:17pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

First DH has full legal custody of SS16 for over one year. Except for a Birthday and Christmas card BM has made no attempt to contact SS in over a year. My parents are in their 80s with failing health. We want to move 10 hrs away to help them out. SS16 wants to move also. Right now we live 15 minutes from BM. We currently have a relocation court date in three weeks. 
 

Now everyone thinks family court will side with us to move out of state BUT they don't know BM. Here is the issue. BM is a TOTAL bitch and will do EVERYTHING she can to prevent us from moving with SS16 just to make our life hell. Remember BM has had no contact with SS for over a year. So my question is KNOWING BM will try everything to prevent or at least delay our move what is the best way to Prepare our case to the court so they will rule in out favor for moving out of state? Has anyone ever had to fight in court to move with a minor child and how did it go? 
 

 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Fri, 07/07/2023 - 5:48pm

What do the child abandonment laws look like in your state? Has she at least been paying child support?

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Fri, 07/07/2023 - 6:37pm

Follow the advice of your attorney. They should know the local court and what the "norms" are there. Is there a way to spin this that makes it better for SS? How are the schools and other opportunities in the new area? Is he leaving behind other family or friends?

Are you moving for any other reason rather than your parents? How are the job opportunities where you are moving?

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 07/08/2023 - 2:14am

to full legal.

My DW had both full physical and full legal.  She left SpermLand to attend University out of State and took SS with her. She never asked. Not that it would have mattered since she already had a CO granting her both physical and legal custody. That CO did not grant any visitation to the Spermidiot.

Interestingly, they never said a word about her moving out of state with SS. Until the small town grapevine got to SpermGrandHag that DW was dating someone.

It took nearly a year to get that crap settled. We had court less than a week after we married to defend a custody attempt by SpermGrandHag. They lost. The updated CO upheld full physical and legal for my DW. That CO did establish a visitation order/shedule.

Based on what you have shared in our OP, I forecast that you will likely have your move upheld by the court.  Particularly considering that your DH already has full legal and BM has little to no face time with your SKid.

I hope you are successful in court so you can go be with your parents. My parents are 80 (dad) or close to 80 (mom). I am struggling with being across the country from them.  

Fortunately my brother just relocated and is close to mom and dad as are my niece and her DH.  I am blessed to have awesome parents and blessed that my brother's career allows him to be with them. Even more blessed that my niece and her DH are close as well.

All that said, while BM likely cannot prevent your move, the courts certainly could. 

Stay the course.  Have a great lawyer. Good luck.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 07/08/2023 - 5:31am

I'd lay it on thick about how generous you are going to be with long distance visitation but make sure that it's noted that the receiving parent is responsible for all travel costs/organization. You know she won't lift a finger to get him but it would be hard for her to refuse as you're being so generous and responsible (or at least that's how you want the judge to see things). 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 07/08/2023 - 7:54am

Let BM fight it if she wants.   Just document everything, as no visitation, only card. No CS. 
Just make sure .that you understand, if SS does do visitation, you will be responsible for the travel.  Either drive him, or pay the air fair if flying is practical, or train, or bus fair both ways 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 07/08/2023 - 2:41pm

What does your DH's court order say about physical custody? Why does BM not have joint legal custody? Does BM *want* custody? If you told her you were moving regardless, with or without SS, what would she do? Is SS 100% on board (and would he lie for BM in court)? Do you have a lawyer?

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 07/11/2023 - 1:49pm

 

What do YOU know about BM's current conditions.  Is she in jail, is she in rehab, IS she homeless? Did she just drop ss off on Dh's doorstep a few years ago and booked? 

Was BM properly served for the hearing?  IF yes,  has she not said a peep about the request to relocate?

T

".

 

 

 

Mommymode1985's picture

Submitted by Mommymode1985 on Tue, 07/11/2023 - 7:48pm

My husband has full legal and full physical custody of SD10 and has since she was 4. BM didn't see her from ages 4 to 6, and then at my behest started seeing her every 4 to 20 weeks. Wildly varied unpredictable visits.

We tried to get BM to agree to a visitation schedule and she always says SD10 is welcome at her house, and she even uses SD10s name and social to get more welfare benefits, but regular visits never work out. BM pays no support and we like it that way. Much easier. One time BM actually told us her "arm hurt" so visit was canceled. 

We're moving out of state and if you have full legal and full physical custody and the agreement doesn't specifically say you can't move out of state, then you can move.

We will always allow SD10 to see her mother, but we're moving out of necessity.