I asked DH yesterday if he could send SS18 to his country with his family, while we wait for the jobcorp people to process his paperwork, which they stated could take a month. He said he couldn’t do that to his sister, because she is caring for his mom. His other sister works, his brothers have their homes full etc. I told DH that it was interesting because earlier this year when I told him I didn’t want to stay with SS while he went trucking, he told me “it’s not like you have to do anything for him!” So it’s not like his sister has to anything for him….

He was becoming annoyed, I could see it. I told him, I do think his family would be the only people who would want SS around, because I don’t care to be around him. Then I asked him if it was because he didn’t want to unleash his son onto his family. I told him while SS is over there, it may highlight all the freedoms and opportunities he has here, plus DHs family could spend time with him. He was upset and didn’t say much so I left it alone.  

Later on, it really hit the fan. 

Dh is into e-bikes and he would commute to work on them until he retired last year. My knee is giving me issues and I wanted to try to start working on being healthier so I borrowed one a few months ago. I liked it so much, I asked if I could have it, since the other has thick wheels and is harder for me to manage. This way we could go bike riding together. Ss18 was aware the bike was mine but would still ask to use it and I would tell him he could use the other one (which is also cheaper). 

The chain had popped so I finally purchased it, and while DH was fixing it, I told him that when SS18 sees he’s fixing if, he’s going to want to borrow it, and to tell him no, but he can use the other e-bike.  Because SS just has to have everything we have (in one of my early blogs, I had written that they took DD's air purifier during her hospital stay). More recently, dh and I have both a fan and air conditioner in our room because our ac is crap. Of course, SS now needs both as well, so he takes DD's fan out of her room (she doesn't have an ac by the way). Ss18 is selfish and inconsiderate. 

Yesterday, DH brings up that Ss18 has been asking for the past couple of days if he could borrow the bike to do Doordash. He also said if would get him out of the house for a few hours and I wouldn’t have to be annoyed by coming home to see him doing nothing. 

If SS18 wanted to contribute to our household and work, he had that opportunity. He’s probably going crazy being home and doing nothing all day while waiting for the jobcorp people to process his paperwork for intake. 

I know him well enough to know that even if he did do a bit of deliveries with doordash, that money is going towards weed and snacks, just like it did in the past. 

I know him well enough to know that he won’t be likely to be doing deliveries but going to hang out with his stoner friends. 

I know him well enough to know that if he does use the bike, there’s a high probability that it’ll end up broken or “stolen”. He breaks almost everything, chargers, skateboards. Things that I can keep for a while are things that end up breaking for him. Also I'm sure he throws away my dishes and utensils because I've never known dishes and utensils to grow legs and walk away, but in my house, they do. Dh and I argued about that this year too. He was sooo confused as to why this is happening. I told him, it's not me, him or DD. We don't eat in our rooms and I put our stuff in the dishwasher. That only leaves one other person.... I am currently refusing to buy more dishes/plates until SS18 is out. 

I know SS18 well enough to know that if he uses the bike,  he may end up “getting hurt” so that it’ll postpone his jobcorp entry date. He will go so far as breaking a bone I would bet. 

So no, I won’t be agreeing to loaning him my bike. I asked DH why it is that I have communicated a boundary to him in anticipation of what I knew would happen and instead of him supporting me on it and telling SS no, he still has to bring it up to me and try to get me to change my mind. 

All because he probably feels sorry for poor SS who has nothing to do but stay home all day. I told him to remember that SS did this to himself.  He chose to drop out of school, and DH allowed it. I realized yesterday is that DH is most likely ashamed of sending his son with his family, because he knows SS18 is unlikeable. I realized that SS23 has been out for a year, and his gf has 3 bedrooms/2 bathrooms yet not once has SS18 stayed the night there.

 I reminded DH that the journey to here was many many many steps, betrayals and disrespects. I don't want anything to jeopardize this final step of getting SS18 out of my house.