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Update on dance altercation

Lifer33's picture

Submitted by Lifer33 on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 6:02am

I'm very grateful for the replies yesterday, kept me sane.

I went to attend the meeting yesterday, my plan was that dh attend with me as a witness. Sat in carpark and the dance lead is ringing me that she's seen I'm here and is ready. I said oh dh not here yet?

Well he can stay with dd. That curveballed me I didn't want to appear antagonistic so just followed.  Taken to a meeting room in a different building, was introduced to a woman I've never met , a safeguarding lead from head office! Sorry what? Its because the event took place in front of children.

Correction, my child,  just my child and the show had finished so how I deal with bullies in front of my child is surely up to me within reason ?

They ignored that and then said that they wish to write and record everything for head office.

I obliged but honestly? I felt like a criminal, it was terrible. 

In the meantime I've discussed it with my dd in a child friendly way, lo and behold she's not bothered in the slightest,  and has been thinking about trying cheerleading and gymnastics instead. Giant eyeroll.

So I contacted dance leader and said I think this is the best path for all concerned...etc

She's said I've literally just had word from head office that no action will be taken,  nobody will be asked to leave dance. 

Probably not OK to say 'well you know where you can stick that' (I'm only kidding ) 

But no , we won't be returning to be in the company of a toxic bully, ever again!

Comments

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 7:25am

Thank God your daughter wants to try something new! That is the best news that could have come of this! 

Screw that dance company!

Lifer33's picture

Submitted by Lifer33 on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 10:42am

I did ask her why she hadn't told us before to be sure it wasn't due to the incident , she said she didn't want to upset the dance teacher by leaving!  I said how long have to wanted to swap? She said well I asked Santa for a cheerleading outfit! 

Yes an outfit not a class , I guess santa was having a day off mind reading!

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 8:07am

Don't put the new class or group on social media or share it widely.  I wouldn't put it past the trouble maker to turn up at the new group too.

Another thing, try to make friends with the other parents in the new group so that if the wench turns up again people will know who you are and be more supportive.

Agree that's its fab your DD wants to try a new activity.

 

Lifer33's picture

Submitted by Lifer33 on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 10:43am

I hadn't thought of that, shudder.

The only thing I ever share is if she gets dancer of the week trophy so I'll refrain from doing that 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 10:50am

Yeah, it will be better to start fresh at a new place. Keep it on the DL so hopefully no undesirables will show up. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 11:37am

I'm facing a similar situation and have to still (18 years later  ) have worry about BM causing a scene.  I have to remind DH not to be so chatty with certain people.   It's not fun to have batshit crazy people out there who wouldn't hesitate to cause you trouble.  Be private.  Remind DH that loose lips will,  in the end , cause potential disappointment for BD if this happens again and you have to find another activity.   It's nice to have a plan but in the heat of the moment, they know how to push the buttons and spin it their favor.  Best not to play at all.  Does she have more flying monkeys to look out for? My HCBM does so consider that also.  

Lifer33's picture

Submitted by Lifer33 on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 11:54am

It's a horrible feeling isn't it Sad having to watch your back all the time and mind what you say to who.

The woman is my brothers ex sister in law, sadly they are quite a large family of toxic idiots. His ex wife isn't a problem to me, only my brother.

it's the adult daughters, their husbands  and mainly the sister in law.

We live in quiet a small town and have kids similar ages so always on my guard.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 11:45am

If you ever have to deal with this person again, ignore them completely.  Pretend and act like they don't exist.  People like this are manipulating you to get a response and I'm guessing that she is very practiced a stirring up trouble.  It will drive her nuts to have you look through her and not rise to any of her behaviour.  Its basically shunning on your part and there's a reason that people used it as a punishment for centuries and still do in some religious communities.

Lifer33's picture

Submitted by Lifer33 on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 11:49am

I will do in future, plus I've said my peace now there's nothing more to add 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 11:53am

To be fair, they can't possibly know all the backstory and history.. so they only saw the result of your outburst... and the reality is they wanted to impress upon you that no matter what personal issues you might have with another parent.. they will not tolerate those outbursts..  so while she may have goaded you into a reaction.. it was still your choice to react the way you did..and they are putting you on notice that is not acceptable.. because they don't want the "next" time to be in a larger setting with more kids present.

Fortunately, you don't have to remain since your daughter was looking to get out of dance anyway.. but I agree that you will need to be very low key about what is posted publicly.. and if she and her daughter follow you to the next venue.. you are going to have to just plain do better at not letting her get your goat... that's a win for her if you do.. so sure.. you might think you are allowing bad treatment.. but walking away.. not reacting is the only thing that will be a win for you.. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 12:00pm

Just a tip, if you run into this cretin again, put your phone on video recording and stay quiet. Record her nasty behavior.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Wed, 05/10/2023 - 5:02pm

I don't understand what happened with your DH? Why wasn't he there? It's exposure to HIS toxic baggage that caused all of this, and he owed it to you to be by your side and support you. He should have INSISTED on being present, and you should have REFUSED to start the meeting without him.

This is the sort of step life crap that bothers me the most. We're expected to accept all the slings and arrows, eat sh!t sandwiches with a smile, and never stand up for ourselves. If/when we finally do snap, we're held to be the crazy/inappropriate ones. What rot.