Had to get real with SD yesterday
Ugh...SD.. Determined to take the hardest road possible.
DH has been trying to stress to SD that Junior year of high school is important. Its important to keep you grades up, work on SAT scores, etc if she wants to go to college at a college of her choice. She is kid number 4....we have been through college with 2 other kids..my DD and DS. SS aka GWR in case your wondering works full time at a fast food restaurant because he too didn't want to listen to DH that high school grades, etc were important for college. (A little birdie has told me GWR has finally signed up for community college but is not pleased he has to take a bunch of remedial classes that he has to pay for but get no credit for).
Now DH has been talking to SD that maybe just maybe college is not for her. She currently has an F and D in some classes and DH had to get on her to turn in a bunch of missing work. SD loves makeup, etc. DH nicely suggested that perhaps a career in hair and makeup would be better for her. SD was mulling that over...
Yesterday she says...what if I go to college for elementary education at the Big 10 college that here in our town. Oh lord...at this point DH swung his head around like Regan from the exorsist and told SD.
I'm going to be blunt SD you are not going to get into big 10 college. Your grades suck, your SAT/ACT scores are even worse and you have no extra-curricular activities to speak of. We have repeatedly told you...JUNIOR YEAR is important for all of these things and you have blown all of them off. Senior year is a holding pattern till you get to college. Your Senior year is going to be you catching things up so you can at least graduate. Your best bet here is to go community college for 2 years and then you might be able to transfer to Big 10 school. But, the ship to get into that school after high school..has sailed. SD we can sit down and discuss your options..but Big 10 school or any other traditional 4 year college is out of your reach right now.
Sd huffed and stomped upstairs. I just sat back and watched this go down. However, DH is right.. SD will not be accepted to any 4 year college at this point. Her grades, course strength and test scores will not get her in. Honestly, SD really needs to do a trade school or start at a community college. She is no where near ready for the traditional college expectations.
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Let me add..we are all for trade school
as we know college is not for everyone. Dh just wants SD to have some sort of skill she can use to support herself.
Ugh yes. Definitely have her
Ugh yes. Definitely have her start at a CC. If she starts at a big 10 school, with her grades and lack of motivation... you may as well take that tuition money and flush it down the toilet.
She might be able to handle a CC, if she's in the right program. Little Idiot (who is sounding more and more like the type of student your SD is) did decently well at the local CC (in her criminal justice courses) but put her in HD math or science and it's not pretty.
Unless your SD does a complete 180 and starts excelling at everything, I would be hesitant to even have her transfer to a school like that. It's not going well for Little Idiot, even though she did alright at the CC. The classes at big universities are just more rigorous than at CCs and you're often just a number, left to teach the material to yourself.
I went to a local big 10 and it was frustrating in many ways - libraries always crowded, printing took forever, have to walk for a half hour just to get to your building (actually there were two campuses at mine where you had to take a bus ride to get from one to the other), massive lecture halls, tendency for foreign professors who speak broken English, parking nightmares, lines to all the offices everywhere... etc.
It's pretty easy to pull up
It's pretty easy to pull up acceptance criteria for schools.. and many CC's have a "guaranteed acceptance" to a 4 year school if you maintain certain grades and criteria...so.. yeah.. she does have options.. and sure trade school is fine.. but even late academic bloomers can succeed... even when their motivation wasn't great early on..
the community college here is really good
and will feed into the Big 10 school here. My own DS did that so we could save money.....2 years of CC and then 2 years of Big 10 is way cheaper than 4 years at Big 10. We have reviewed with SD the criteria she would need to get into Big 10 or her other favorite 4 year colleges. She knows what was needed, etc. She is just assumes that because she wants to go there, she will be accepted.
SD will get into CC but she will most likely need to do remedial classes to make up for her lack of grades in her current classes. SD however hates to read, hates to do papers, really struggles with math of any type and has ADHD that she refuses to take medication for. All of that does not lead to being sucessfull in college at this point in time. Maybe that will change as she gets older..maybe not.
"She just assumes that
"She just assumes that because she wants to go there, she will be accepted." My skids operate under the same illusions. They also believe that grades "just happen" and have nothing to do with the level you put in. Doesn't help that any time they get a D or below, BM just calls up the guidance counselor and gets their grade changed and often changes their teacher. They are also juniors, never do all their own work, and are below grade level in English and math, but tell us repeatedly they are going to college. They have no idea where they plan to go, BM will likely not provide much guidance (she often seems overwhelmed by parenting, particularly related to education), and I'm not going to take the lead. They both took the practice ACT last year and one got a 12. Not sure what the other one got, but I think it was in the same range. For reference, 21 is considered "college ready" and I believe to be on track for that, you should score at least 18 as a sophomore. One skid still thinks he's going to get a sports scholarship. He is okay at his sport, but for all the time and money he puts towards it, he is not a stand out in any way...I guarantee no school is looking at him and I'm not sure if BM even realizes that schools would be looking now (junior year) if they wanted him.
Also, even trade school requires some academic aptitude. DH is in a trade and there are people every year who can't get in to the apprenticeship program because they can't pass the math assessment required to get in.
My dad would have said all these kids are living in "fantasy land" by thinking everything will just work out without any effort. Of course, knowing my stepkids, they probably will find a college that will accept them even though they have no business being there.
He is correct
In the perfect world, all our kids would go to top-rated colleges on full scholarships, graduate in 4 years and become nuclear physicists. Back here in reality, there are many other options, as your DH outlined.
I'm a big fan of both community colleges and trade education. Most people, at 18, don't have enough wisdom to know what career they want or are suited for. An expensive school is wasteful for them and burdens them with debt.
Community college is wonderful. Imo, it can serve as babysitter for the immature, trade school, or the first 2 years of any college in America.
Our SD61 went to beauty school. In her earlier, more sane years, she was always employed. When she had kids, she did hair in her home. Frankly, she made more from her beauty school education than DD did from her 4yr degree.
Our granddaughter's husband went thru the electrician program. He is makng big bucks now and will always have employment.
Let SD pout, she's getting honest advice from Dad.
You describe my own DD. Had
You describe my own DD. Had to learn the hard way. But she did, went the CC route and is now in a PhD program at the uni of her choice. It can work out. DD needed some maturity and motivation, and once she found her path, she's been successful.
And success comes in lots of flavors -- trades, certifications, etc. As long as the end result is a self-sufficient, contributing adult. Which is too frequently not the outcome in Stepworld.
elementary ed
Let me guess why SD picked elementary education. Could it be because SD thinks it would be easy? DH needs to pull up the entrance requirements for the big 10 program and go over them with SD. Also some colleges now require a Praxis Core test for their education enrollees. A look some of the online Praxis Core study prep might change her mind.
summers off
summers off
My guess is because she likes kids to a degree
and figured this might be an easy route to a career. however, DD who legit wants to be a math teacher at some point after her masters..and went through a teacher academy her high school offered can attest...elementary ed isn't easy....not in college and not in practice. DD said no way would she do elementary ed or middle school ed. High School or above.
The issue I have with SD..is the thought..oh well I want to do this so it should be handed to me.
Nope...that ain't going to happen.
I was a terrible student and
I was a terrible student and barely graduated high school. 22 years later, after raising 3 kids, I returned to school at a community college. My ADD had been medicated for about 7 years at this point - I did really well and earned a 4.0 GPA. I also had to take a couple remedial math courses (bummer). I was able to transfer to a small but excellent university with a massive scholarship. My entire bachelor's degree cost roughly 20K instead the 50K I would have paid just for the last 2 years.
Going to CC is a good route to choose and my university had just gone through a name change so they were offering extra generous scholarships to increase transfer enrollment.
Remedial math classes
I was a "mature" student at CC, too. I planned to transfer to a 4-year university and would need to pass statistics to transfer into my program. Statistics required an algebra class first but on the first night of algebra, a placement test sent me back to remedial math. I'm talking addition and subtraction and that was just the first of 3 remedial semesters.
I had a fit, "You can't do this!" "I dont have time to do 3 semesters!" "I have a very responsible position!" Too bad, I had to do the 3 semesters.
Flash forward and I'm at my university taking a required advanced math class. I'm not a math head, it was tough, people around me were dropping like flies. But, I passed! Thank you, CC!
DH is right
DH is right, the truth hurts. My SD's are going to CC. IDK how one is going to succeed. She has dyslexia and misspells, house along with a slew of other words. Ive been trying to work with her since she was 12 to get better at spelling. I even downloaded a special software that they said would help but she gave zero F's about it. Shes now 17 and will be 18 next month. She came home 2 monrhs ago upset bc her english teacher said she would not hack it at college. I have finally given up on helping her with her academic future. She will find out soon enough how people will view her when she sounds and writes things without caring.
Great job Dad!!!
Finally, a prior family breeder who has balls and speaks the truth to marginal failed family spawn. Great job to you too for your successful young adults.
It has to be a gut wrencher for GWR and SD to see your children succeed while they have flushed their own futures down the crapper even before they finish HS.
I agree that the Trades are a great option. Even better, IMHO, would be introducing them to the local Armed Forces recruiting office. Drill Instructors are experts at building focus and effort in young people. They certainly worked miracles on my SS-30 when he was 18. Not that he was even remotely as marginal as your SD is. He was smart, capable, and had his SpermIdiot not hacked the school fire wall (Military Boarding School) and distracted SS and his roomates with all night every night WoW adventures SS would have not been at risk of shit caning his own future.
Long story short, we jerked a knot in SS's tail, he graduated HS on time and with honors, then joined the USAF. His ACTs and ASVABs were top 2% so he had options. He chose the Service and has had a great career ever since. His mom and I were relieved that he enlisted and would be under they hairy eyeballs of experts in training and leading young adults successfully.
Our kid (My fomer SS who asked me to adopt him) has worked on his degree since Enlisting. He has completed an AAS degree and is working on completing his Bachelors.
Which brings me to my point after a meandering blather fest. Accellerated Degree Programs can be a great fit for kids who have gutted their ability to attend a traditional University. Any number or non-competitive entry accredited universities are available with fully remote/online degree options. Many of are reasonably affordable and a kid working full time can afford the tuition and complete classes any time of the day or night.
I did my MBA online while working full time. Though rather than the usual ~22-ish months a Master's takes, it took me 4years.
SD and GWR may want to look at a hybrid CC/Online University model while they work. I have a number of employees with Associates degrees who are working full time high paying Skilled Trades jobs (Industrial Mechanics, Electricians, Controls Technicians, etc...) while working on completing their Undergrad degrees.
I've seen this with youngest
I've seen this with youngest siblings a lot. They seem to think they are entitled to the same opportunities and successes of the older siblings that worked harder for it. Even more so if the older siblings are very successful or make it look easy.
You can't argue with the cold hard facts of grades and test scores. The next time the older siblings are around I would strike up a conversation about what they did when they were that age.