EFF OFF to Beanie Boy!!

Dear Ann Landers:

I am dealing with a new coworker who I've talked about before here. I call him "the bro" or "beanie boy." He wears one of those little floppy knit condoms on his head every day, and comes in yawning because he played video games until 3 am. (He is a father of a 5 year old girl, by the way.)

This sack of lazy, entitled shite is in his mid twenties and interferes with me doing my job every hour of every day. I am exhausted and furious. He wants to be liked and seen as "important" so he shouts down the women in the office and interrupts them constantly to correct them, only he is wrong. He doesn't know what he is talking about. Being interrupted or ignored is my pet peeve, so I find myself stifling the urge to tell him "sit the F down and shut the F up!" on an hourly basis. I have complained to the boss once, and I am ready to do it again.

This kid is not reliable. He takes off without telling coworkers that he is going to rubberneck at a passing amublance or "at lunch" (how many lunches does HE get?) and we get stuck answering the phones by ourselves whle he is off chasing cars like an ADHD chihuaha. My main issue is that he acts like he is my manager and tries to steer every conversation that I have with our customers. He confuses them, and he messes up my train of thought, and it makes me want to tie him to a chair and gag him and stow him in the back room until its time for me to go home. 

How do I stifle my inner Dexter and not hurt this man? He is tap dancing on my last nerve, and its PMS week, which means I have less control over my anger. There are only so many Reeses Peanut butter cups in the office vending machine.

Help. I need my fellow s-talkers! Any ideas on getting him fired? He is trading company supplies for free energy drinks from a customer, so I will likely start with that complaint.