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Alternate Reality

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 9:04am

Sometimes I swear DH lives in an alternate reality! MIL stopped by for a visit yesterday. We were all just chatting and catching up. MIL asked how SD12 was doing. DH said SD12 hates being at our house because she has chores and he makes her stay on top of school. LOL WHAT? SD12 doesn't even clean up after herself in her OWN room! Let alone help out around the house with chores. Idk what he means about school... when she is not faking sick, SD12 goes... she has okay attendance, but failing 3 classes!!! 

I feel like DH tells himself these lies to justify why his relationship with his daughter is on the rocks. SD12 doesn't like being here because they are oil and water. They argue about literally everything and just flat out don't get along. Thank God DH didn't see my face as I was walking into the kitchen when he said all of this!

Comments

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 9:40am

Hey Dogmom,

I had to laugh while reading your post, having been there, done that. I often wondered if my DH lived in an alternate universe when he discussed his children with family and friends. We humans tend to see what we want to see although the reality is, often, so very different.

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 10:55am

My theory is that people ask about your kids, they really don't want the truth. They want to hear things are well. As long as DH keeps it general, it's fine. And he generally does. I know he knows the truth. It took him awhile, but he took off the rose colored glasses, and he acknowledges the mess of the situation.

The exception was this Christmas when he answered with a very mild version of the truth. His answer stopped the conversation and I had to come up with a version of 'how about those Mets' to restart it. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 10:55am

Your DH doesnt want to look bad. The reality of the situation with SD12 makes him look bad.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 11:18am

DH doesn't elaborate on anything about the SDs, nor do I unless the person KNOWS the eff-upness of the situation (only about 3 of my close friends). "They are doing well, yes, they are doing well in school and OSD is in college."  That's it.

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Mon, 01/09/2023 - 11:35am

My in laws don't want to know the hard reality of the drama we put up with. When they ask how the skids are we just say 'Fine, SS is great at school and SD is happy'. That's it. I don't mention the headlice inferno we are putting up with or how HCBM is still trying to  make our lives miserable with her lack of parenting and lies. They don't want to hear it and it took me a few years to figure it out. My parents are completely different and DH vents to them a lot about the skids or BM and feel it's a safe space for him. It's sad really but he was raised where his parents never really had 'talks' about his feelings. Probably why they drive me crazy with their 'Brady bunch' feels. I hate the fake happy family but they insist on it.