Hello, this is my first post, ever. I have been with my husband for almost 7 years. Three and a half of those were long distance and then I moved with my now 16 year old son to Sweden, as my husband is Swedish. DH has three children (2 teens, 1 adult) and a toxic, narcissistic, golden uterus, high conflict ex (I am educated enough to make this assessment). Never in my life have I met more awful people. Those kids are carbon copies of the mother and they are estranged from my husband and me and my son. I am frustrated and angry that they could treat my husband as they have all while playing victim to his family and turning them against me, because after all I am the root of all evil. 
I have written a letter that I do wish to send. I won't because what is the point and they would only use it against us anyway. I just want someone else to read it because it's a vent, after all. I am sharing it with you but it's long and, maybe, tedious. To be honest, even though I say it would be nice to all be friendly and happy, it is not what I want. I want them to stay far away from us but I also don't want my husband to be sad. Honestly, in these past two years, he's been happier than ever, so I think their toxicity brought him down. So here goes. Thank you for reading all this!!!

I began my relationship with DH with an open heart for him and for you. I hoped that, as I extended my hand in friendship, we could all have a lovely relationship and harmonious life. After all, DH told me how kind and caring you all were. I, myself, have children from a previous marriage and I understand the benefits of everyone getting along. I also am the recipient of a father and stepmother who pushed me aside, so I would never do that to someone else. I sent you gifts and candy and cards, happy birthdays and even condolences extended to you and your mother when your grandfather passed away, hoping you’d see that I wanted to share a friendship and good relationship with you. DS16 and I honestly wanted to make a family where we all could get along and be happy. I asked you for nothing in return.

Before I moved to Sweden I got a glimpse of what you truly were and how you acted. The sugar coating DH tried so hard to hide reality with, cracked under the weight of your true selves. The more he tried to serve you to me on a silver platter, the more I realized he was trying to cover up something unsavory and distasteful; I was not wrong. I learned how SD18 stole things from stores. A fifteen year old stealing candy, for Christ’s sake!! She lied constantly, she would walk around full of hickeys without shame and in one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever heard, she lied about a man exposing himself to her. Imagine someone would have gotten arrested because of her lies? How far would she have gone for attention? An absolutely shameful act on her part. I am grateful the police did not believe her evil lies. The “self harm” she was so dramatically touting was laughable and melodramatic deceitfulness and so many idiots fell for it. People who self harm because of true mental instability leave painful scars, they don’t scrape their skin with a butter knife. I know because I’ve known beautiful, sweet, sad girls with such heart-breaking stories and distressful scars. What is your distressing story, SD18? You made a mockery of people who are truly suffering and the shame for that should be great. I also know she callously disrespected DH by calling him a bad father in his own home and saying his apartment smelled. I know how SS14 stole and lied constantly and how he hurt his little friend because he did not want to be his friend anymore. One time DH told me SS17 had gotten in trouble for something he didn’t do and he had to pay some fee in Soccer. I decided to pay for him because I thought it wasn’t fair. All he could muster to say was, “why?”. All this spoke volumes of your individual characters and, in SS17’s case, clearly showed he couldn't appreciate a simple kindness done for him. I thought SS17 had redemption , but, of course, I was wrong. 

After I moved I got to see, in person, the truth.  How you all would show up without notice at 22:00 after we had washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen hours before, expecting to be fed without any consideration or respect for us. I guess it was too difficult for your mother to feed you while in her care. Your blatant and constant disrespect and disobedience for DH was infuriating. SD18, full of defiance, looked him in the eyes and kept doing what he repeatedly kept asking her to stop. Her constant bad attitude and covert nastiness towards me was disconcerting as I had not been anything but kind to her. I’d sent her texts wanting to get to know her and be her friend and they were all ignored. Her laughable and sad attempt at being a mini-wife was horrifyingly amusing. When I was visiting for Christmas she was all over DH in a very strange and creepy way. All I could figure was that she was, probably instigated by her mother, trying to make me jealous. Maybe she would have succeeded if I were a simpleton but I’m a bit more intelligent than people who come up with such schemes, so she flatly failed at her ridiculous endeavors. Even the recent poem SD18 sent DH was a complete and utter joke. YOU, SD18, don’t care about DH.  YOU decided to not live here. YOU decided not to visit. This goes for all three of you! No one kicked you out yet you have the gall to blame DH. The only time you ever called him since I’ve been here was when you wanted money. My God, what are you people?! Why do you crave attention from victimhood and drama so badly? Have you ever tried to be authentic in your life? SS17 had the gall to tell DH “Maybe if you flossed you would not have the teeth you have.”(EDIT: Teeth are stained from his mom taking tetracycline when she was pregnant, but otherwise healthy) He said this in front of me and without any regard for DH’s feelings. What a disgusting way for a kid to talk to his father. I witnessed how SS14, who had not lived here in a long while, only decided to return after DH bought a computer. So this apartment was not good enough and neither was DH up until he bought something the kid wanted. Nice to use your father, huh? SS14 also said nasty and rude things to me. Best part of this was a lot of what he said sounded like something he heard from an adult and he went around repeating it. I’ll give you a guess as to who that adult was. SS14 was nasty and disrespectful and plain gross, as he would leave garbage and clothes all over the house, empty rolls of toilet paper strewn on the bathroom floor, and even wiped his filthy fingers on the walls and doors. He would sneak and look in our room when I wasn’t there and I caught him a few times. SS14 not only disrespected DH and myself but he nonchalantly lied to his face without shame. I was taken aback by his proficiency for deceit at such a young age but then again I knew what he learned from his siblings and mother. When DH brought it up to your mother she would just say he does not lie. I mean, isn’t it a goal of every parent to raise an honest child and to be concerned if anyone brings up the child’s deceit? Maybe it made her proud that her children are just like her. Obviously, the supposed psychology she learned in school and that she should have mastered by now has failed her in many ways. People always say that the cobbler's children have no shoes and it must be true because your mother, despite her “knowledge” has not helped you. She has harmed you more than you’ll ever realize. SS14 lied, without shame, about DS16 and never apologized nor retracted his lies. SS14 has the gall to send DH a text saying “for whatever I did, I’m sorry”.  That is not an apology, that is a passive aggressive way of saying you did nothing wrong in your eyes, you aren’t truly sorry but you’ll play the victim because DH has somehow mistreated you. A good quality in a human being is self reflection and introspection. Finding and accepting our mistakes and apologizing for them polishes our humanity and makes us better people. Maybe you all could try that for a change. Anyway, another disgusting way to treat a father. I wonder, if the tables were turned, how offended you all would be if we acted like you. I completely lost my respect for SS17 when he stole things that did not belong to him from DS16’s cubbies. All he had to do was tell us he thought something of his was in DS16’s laundry. If he would have acted honorably, he would have seen the pants he stole were not his (they had been bought at Target in the USA) and the t-shirt, given to DS16 by DH himself, came from a bag of abandoned clothing that was in the storage closet. He chose, however, to sneak, go through someone’s property and to steal. He even stood by while I looked like a madwoman for DS16’s pants. That is a nauseating way to act, especially for such a young person. I guess the apple never falls far from the tree. I saw how SS17 defended SS14 for the awful things he did to his friend by saying the kid had it coming because he was annoying. Is that enough reason to hurt people? I would say, to you four, yes because your sense of decency and morality falls short of the most basic actions of a decent human being. How sad you’ve gotten absolutely nothing from DH’s kindness and decency; actually you’ve got nothing from him at all because he would never comport himself as disgracefully as you do. As long as I’ve known him he has been the kindest, gentlest and most loving and honest  human being and has treated me with utmost respect, understanding and love. How come you did not pick up those good qualities? I guess it’s much easier to pick up your mother’s toxicity, but to each their own, after all.

I would speak to SS17’s face and he would blatantly ignore me and walk right by me. It’s like I did not exist. I mean, he wouldn’t even say goodnight to DH and me even while passing us on his way to bed, exhibiting extremely poor manners. Even the homeless exhibit better manners and treat people with more dignity and respect! I still remember the pathetic way he yelled “congratulations” on our engagement after DH made him say it. I could hear the anger and disgust in his voice. This is why the decision was made not to invite you three to our wedding. Sorry to disappoint you but we are married and we are still happy and in love.

After a while of living here, none of this surprised me anymore. I could tell how poor your manners and demeanor were and how you all hated my and my child’s presence. I realized how I offended you and still do because in the routine of every day it is difficult to keep up a false facade. Experiencing your mother’s deceptive act of innocence and kindness when we visited SD18 in the hospital grounded my belief that she is just a miserable and bitter shell. She puts on an act for the world pretending she’s kind and caring. The viciously hateful look of loathing she gave me at SS17’s basketball game, cemented that I wasn’t mistaken: you all hated me and it all originated from your bitter mother. Even  a simply and professionally worded note about clothes offended you! I knew you’d get your panties in a bunch, somehow, so I tried to be as simple and as neutral as possible. I still failed because it never crossed my mind that such simple words would make you so furious. I mean “our apartment” was clearly an insult and “thank you” was a horrendous affront to your delicate sensibilities. Should I have told SD18 this was her apartment when she had not lived here in at least two years and she had stopped visiting in an extraordinarily long time? Absolutely not! Oh, and last time I heard, saying thank you is a graceful thing to do but what do you know about grace and politeness when you can’t even be decent human beings. DH heard the rubbish that came from butthurt SD18 and mother, of course making themselves the victims of some imagined slight. Maybe I should have sent the food wrappers and garbage I found in the closet that SD18 had used, instead of clean and folded laundry. I should also have sent the used panties and rotten pastries, too, for extra added nausea. I should not have been respectful or decent at all, considering how disgusting and embarrassing it all was to DH and me. Furthermore, with all the gripes you four have, not one of you has dared confront me or DH.  I mean, if we are such awful people, I would expect you or one of your flying monkeys to confront us and tell us how awful we are, no? You can’t because we have truth on our side and you only have deceit.

Liking me and getting to know me would not have been disloyal to your mother, no matter how much she may have implied it. That would never happen because you are all petty cowards who can’t think for yourselves. You act as if you wanted a good relationship and I ruined it all by just my mere existence but in reality you are full of vitriol and hate. All you want is to smear and destroy. I also realized none of you have an iota of dignity and civility. Because you are, yourselves, disrespectful and repellent, you assume everyone is the same as you. I realized what I was dealing with and that, sadly, age does not prevent anyone from being a loathsome human being. I also realized you were all too programmed with bitterness and bile and I would be wasting my time spending an ounce of myself on you.

I want you to know that the only reason DH is still in Sweden is because my child and I sacrificed our home, school, job, things and friends. I sacrificed my other son and DS16 sacrificed his brother and father to move here. I thought it would be kind to not separate DH from you and yet you couldn't care less about him.  Looking back, I should have asked him to come live with me in the US but I would have been a bitch in your eyes either way, right? DS16 decided to come so DH and I could be together and happy. What have you given besides hurt and grief? How lucky are you to have him here, while DS16 is away from his father and brother. Still you treated us as if we were non-existent. You did not even try to be DS16’s friend and to welcome a child new to your country. You just ignored and intentionally excluded him without care. See, I observe and very few things escape me, so I saw the exclusion.  Was that your mother’s idea because you Golden Children from her Golden Uterus are too good to be his friends? I bet you all think so and that’s expected coming from your ilk. DS16 is far from perfect but he is honest, kind and he cares about DH. None of those things can be said about any of  you in any way, shape or form. You were never happy for us and have chosen to act like victims. Since making the decision to move, I have “feasted on crow” for I did something for people who don’t deserve it. You do not love or care for DH, nor do you appreciate or respect him. You have proven this again and again. You have treated him like rubbish yet expect him to go chasing after you. Why should he? You treat him worse than you’d treat a stranger yet get upset when he reacts. You even blame him for you not living here but you lie. He has never told any of you to go away or that you can’t live here, has he? No, but your mother sure lies about it. Each one of you chose to remove yourselves from living here. SS17 was the last and did not even have the courage to tell DH about it. Your mother, liar and manipulator that she is, tells a lawyer that DH decided you cannot live here. How do you live with yourselves after telling such lies? Pretty comfortably, I guess because you have no conscience. In my book, you deserve absolutely no care or compassion from me and I stopped bothering with you a long time ago. I will probably never forgive you for how you have treated my husband and child. I do not think you are special in any way nor do I think you are entitled to anything more than the most minimum civility, if at all. You may fool a lot of people with your innocent act but, then again, there are a lot of stupid people in your family and in this world. I do not trust you in our home or near us for being, collectively, liars, thieves, sneaks, schemers, manipulators, users and for being insufferably disrespectful, rude and reprehensible human beings. I cannot allow you near me or near my child because I cannot trust that any of you can behave in a decent manner and not make up even more egregious lies about one of us. DH can do as he pleases when it comes to you but he will need to keep you far away from DS16 and me. There is nothing sadder than to feel the way I do about you three as I had hopes we’d all get along. As for DS16 and me, we were doomed before you even met us. Your mother filled your heads with bitter and angry rhetoric and we never had a chance. When I first met you by the parking lot neither SS17 nor SS14 could look me in the face and that should have been my biggest red flag. Funny how you sure had time to pick up the gifts and candy I brought you later that day and at every visit and you could consume the great food I cooked and baked, even though I was this horrible person in your mind. I was good enough to use for gifts and candy, I guess, because that’s what users do. This was the same for everything else. If I was kind and did things for you, I was trying to steal you. I still remember the time I commented “how cute, love them” in a picture DH posted of you and all he got was bitter rage from your mother saying I was trying to steal you from her. As if you were so special! Does that sound healthy, sane or even rational? A well person does not say such things, a deranged, bitter and angry one does.  If I did nothing for you, then I was an awful witch who hated you. Damned if I did and damned if I didn’t, so I didn’t do, still don’t do and, if your actions and attitudes never change, never will do because it’s not worth my time. You all had made up your mind about us, because of your mother’s hate and bitterness. How convenient for her that you were all  the perfect ages to insidiously ingrain hate and make parental alienation (look it up) succeed. Your mother is a parasite that has colonized your mind with hateful vitriol and you allow it. You four have enlisted your flying monkeys and they willingly latched on to your lies because, of course, they were aching to find a way for gossip and hate. You are all the same kind of animal and, since birds of a feather flock together, you deserve to wallow in each other’s excrement. Best part is you are not succeeding at breaking us up as much as you may want. It is truly sad and terrible that I have to even say all this, but someone has to tell you the truth and not pretend you are all innocents. In the end you don’t have to like DS16 or me as we truly don’t care, but DH? Why have you treated him as you have? Because he dared fix his life, make a new start and fall in love? Because he dared leave your “saintly and perfect” mother? Because he fell in love with me and married me and is happy with me? God, you people are horribly selfish.

Not that you will ever care, maybe someday I may change my mind about you. Words will not suffice, so apologies will be useless and meaningless, especially from SS14. So many deep and serious changes and steps will need to be taken before I even begin to consider spending any time or energy on you three or allowing you around myself and my son. Truthfully, it is not even in my radar to have a relationship with you. It’s not something I desire or long for or need. These feelings I harbor, you earned with your rotten actions. No one did anything to you, I just reacted to your disrespectfully bad attitude by disengaging and staying away. Your contempt for me and DH was so palpable and still is. It is true that contempt breeds contempt and now that’s all I have for you. However, unlike you, who lie and smear the people you don’t like, I stay away and I do not wish them harm nor would I do anything to hurt them. You, however, do your best to injure, mistreat and destroy them. I now react to the hurt you’ve caused my husband and he may be fine with you at some point but I will not. One of my biggest faults is being unable to forgive and forget wrongs directed at my loved ones. In the end, it truly matters not if you change, as you do not influence our relationship or marriage and your presence in my life has absolutely no bearing whatsoever. Life is amazing for us, much to your and your mother’s detriment. It’s sad not to trust people, especially such young ones as yourselves, but it’s even sadder that you have lived your  lives in a manner that would make anyone mistrust and shun you. You are not tiny children that don’t understand. You now have your ridiculous “Children of Divorce”, woe-is-me mentality and see yourselves as victims at every turn and you get fed this garbage by your unstable mother and the rest of your flying monkeys. What horrible damage your mother has caused you! I told DH a long time ago he needed to counter the hate your mother was infusing into you but he failed to do so and now you are full of her poison, like I predicted. You are all old enough to know what you’re doing is wrong but you have allowed yourselves to be manipulated. Sadly, no one has countered your mother’s lies and you have believed every single one. I could be the Virgin Mary and it would not make a difference to you all because you are under the thumb of a sour and bitter woman. However, you aren’t babies or poor, innocent children and your mother is a vindictive and angry person and most certainly not innocent. You aren’t victims and neither is your mother. She is a victimizer and the people she has victimized have been you. It is truly unbelievable that someone who works in mental health cannot see her narcissism and whatever other personality disorder she may have and how she’s making you all into her spitting image. Maybe she’s just a garbage person who cannot live without attention and without exacting revenge on all who she deems below her. What has she turned you into with all her rage and hate? Ask yourselves that. She has labeled you with supposed mental illnesses, she has turned you into bitter humans at such a young age and she has done all that without any concern for your well being. ADD and whatever SD18 and SS14 have been told they suffer from, does not cause people to lie and steal and be rotten and cruel. How convenient to stigmatize her children with mental illnesses and then blames DH with denying and exacerbating it. This is called Munchausen or malingering by proxy but I think it’s just to cover what a poor job your mother has done raising you. She can’t get blamed if her children have mental disorders. SS17 got a pass because he’s capable of covering up the dysfunction but SD18 and SS14 aren’t that capable or that intelligent. Open your eyes!  She is just conveniently excusing the terrible things she has taught you by making you “ill”. Yours are the actions of calculating and paltry people hell bent on punishing and hurting. Why? Because your mother blames me for her divorce? Her marriage was always a sham and a lie and it was dead and buried long before I came into the picture. She knew this and pretended life was idyllic for as long as they were married. Spouses do not leave happy marriages, they leave miserable ones. She could not, suddenly, show the world the truth. She went around making DH pretend they were still together and happy long after their separation because she could not bear to lose face in the eyes of the public. How sick does one have to be to force a man to pretend when she knows quite well he repudiates her? He was openly in a relationship with me and she kept up her lies and deception to her circle and then blamed me because, God forbid, she should have some dignity and self respect. I posted stuff that made her look like a liar and, in her arrogance and fear of being exposed, she was irate, hateful and vindictive. All I did was post the reality of my life with DH; the truth. Your mother sure did not like that because my truth exposed her lies and that made me her enemy. I could see everything so clearly and I predicted the outcome but no one seemed to care that a toxic narcissist would destroy her children’s lives with her insidious evil. Talk about not having dignity! I mean, what is it that they say about narcissists? They are terrified of being exposed. If all the people she’s infected with her lies and venom were to really see and know her real self, they would be horrified, including you three. I offend her and she hates me, that is true but ask yourselves this question: Does she hate us (or me) more than she loves you? I think the answer is yes because a good mother who truly loves her children would never turn them against their father. A good loving mother wants to keep her children from such damage and harm and encourages a good relationship with their father even if she hates him. Then again,are narcissists able to truly love anyone? I was married to an abuser for 18 years, yet I have never turned my boys against him nor has he turned them against me or DH. I am not vindictive towards him, on the contrary, I encourage their relationship. DS16 knows he was abusive yet he still maintains a relationship with his father and I always tell him it’s best to forgive. He understands and agrees. As a mom, I cannot even fathom poisoning my boys against anyone, especially their father. The funniest and saddest part is how offended you all get when we react to your nasty actions.  Are we just supposed to bend to your pettiness and nastiness because you are so special? No!!! In life you reap what you sow and you have sowed so much discord! Discord and dislike is what you will reap when people see who you truly are. You may be experts at making people think you are victims but eventually people will recognize who and what you truly are. I think it will be very hard to keep up your fake facade. 

Maybe the time has come to decolonize your brains from the toxic parasite and become independent from your mother and her brainwashing. You don’t have to stop loving her or having a relationship with her, just think for yourselves a bit more. I don’t believe deep down you are inherently bad, but it saddens me to think I may be wrong. There is still a spark of hope that you will come to your senses and see the truth. It is, however, up to you to free yourselves from the bitter hold your mother has on you. You’re allowing her to control you, which I’m sure she loves, and allowing her to destroy your relationship with DH. For Christ’s sake, she has a boyfriend, shouldn’t she just move on and stop her hate campaign? How can someone be so vindictive that after six and a half years she’s still festering with anger instead of smiling at the world with happiness. If I were her boyfriend I would seriously question that whole mess, wouldn’t you? If he is a strong man with convictions he will but if he is easily manipulated, and that is what she wants, he never will. He will see everything through her eyes, believe her lies and just bow down to a woman who is just going to destroy him too. She tried with DH but misery made him strong and he walked away. Freedom from narcissistic abuse is peaceful.

Is your mother’s self esteem so low and broken that she needs to destroy (or try to) in order to make herself feel better. Is her view of herself so low that she will use her children as pawns in order to exact an unmerited revenge on someone? That’s a disgusting human being and you are all falling for it. Are you all not tired of that festering anger and hate? Are you not tired of playing victim and telling lies about us? If I had to live with so many hang ups and seeing offenses at every turn, I would be absolutely exhausted. If I lived with so much hatred and bittersweet, I would be constantly ill. Maybe, if you have any sense of shame, that will be food for thought. Wouldn’t it be nice to just get along whether your mother approves or not? You should learn that one person can love many, many people and more love just grows. DH can love me with all his heart and soul and he still can love you. There’s no choosing; love just multiplies! You must learn how to truly love someone first, though. I doubt you have been taught that by your mother because she is incapable of loving anyone, even you. Being a good human takes no effort. Being a rotten one will destroy you to the core. I don’t know about you but the choice is easy.

Whether you care what I think or say is irrelevant to me. My opinions are my own and stem from your actions and your actions alone. DH and I are in love, married and very happy! Nothing you four or your gross flying monkeys do will separate us or break us apart. Terrible news for you, I know. I don’t hurt DH or exact revenge or cruelty on him. He’s the only one, besides my children, that I owe anything to and only they three have my full trust, support and love. I owe this to no one else. Everyone else is superfluous and needs to earn whatever I’m giving. I love DH more than myself and it’s beyond me to say or do anything to separate him from you, especially knowing how it feels in the flesh. I was willing to give you three my best without you having earned it but, unfortunately, I was overwhelmed with red flags and my and my child’s  blatant rejection, so I withdrew and disengaged.  You decided to tear yourselves from DH and sadly, he now sees how you are willing to treat him. DH is the one I care about in this situation because if you don’t like me or DS16, it’s really no sweat off our brows. You are nothing of ours yet we still came here for you not to be separated from DH. Little did you care and your rejection was blatant. We are not your enemy despite what you’ve been told and you aren’t poor little victims, no matter how much you pretend to be. You know very well what you and your mother have done and I hope there is still a spark of self reflection and self respect and love to make you realize you can’t keep up this martyr act you are peddling. All this rage and hate will only fester and make you bitter. Do you want that for yourselves? It’s truly sad how we all could have gotten along, lived happily and we could have been friends. Where is the harm in that, unless someone benefits from all the hate and separation to exact a depraved revenge. Sadly, your mother is that someone and her narcissism, hate, saltiness and bitterness got in the way of a harmonious life for all involved. I know you will never sever the harmful hold she has on you and you will end up angry at the world because you think it owes you something. No one owes you anything you did not earn. You aren’t special or entitled to anything. It’s tragic your mother has made you into her own image and you have chosen to follow her because of hate. In the end she’s harming herself because no one so full of hate can ever be happy, no matter how much she pretends, and she has harmed you, maybe beyond repair. She may have damaged the relationship between DH and you but he is happier than he has been in his life and he wakes up with love and hugs and kisses every single day. He has me to make his life happy and peaceful and I have him to do the same. I have given DH what your mother failed to ever do and he has given me what he never gave her, love. I wish you were in his life without all the garbage but maybe it’s not possible. You must realize that love doesn’t diminish, love grows and sadly, such self deluded “luminaries” such as yourselves will never grasp that concept. Stop allowing hate to eat away your kindness and love. We did nothing to you, we just reacted to your pathetic and rotten actions. Actions instilled by an unhappy, miserable woman who is truly incapable of love and who cannot get over the fact that DH left her when she had pretended to the world for years that they were happy. A miserable woman who cannot bear the fact that he’s happy with me and that with me he’s the husband she wanted him to be but she couldn’t bring out. She failed and now is making sure the world thinks the worst of him because it’s the only way she can be a victim and keep what she perceives as control. She’s a loser and she knows it and she will never be happy. She will fester in her bile and she’ll corrupt you because you all wallow in the shallow and polluted waters of her gene pool. DH is an amazing man so why can’t you see it? Is it because you are so used to hearing lies about him? Wake up kids, please! All this hate and lying is not love from the woman who birthed you. She doesn’t even love herself to be such a rotten mother and human being.  All you’re getting is a malignant cancer sprung from someone full of hate and it will never stop because how dare DH leave her in all the ill-perceived and absurd glory that is she. DH is a wonderful human being and you are missing out because your mother wants it so? Are you all willing to allow her to destroy your relationship with him?  Pathetic, really, to be swallowing the lies and deception your mother has disgorged and to go along with it all the while backstabbing and damaging others. We are far from perfect but we have a lot of love to give to people who deserve it and we could all have been happy in each other’s lives. Maybe there’s still hope. Stand up for yourselves and stop being manipulated and harmed by someone who cannot love anyone, period.

All I want is for you to mend your relations with DH, to respect him and value him for the amazing human he is. However, you needed to hear all this so you can see your mother has victimized you. I would have never sent this had I been happy you are alienated, on the contrary. I want you to have a good relationship and to grow up healthy and happy. That is all up to you. Life isn’t easy or fair but loving relationships need caring and watering just like a plant. You cannot expect people to be gushing all over you with love and attention when you treat them like garbage. Also remember you are blindly being manipulated by someone who is either sick in the head or just plain evil. Finally, remember it is reprehensible to damage other human beings just because they don’t suit your narrative or because you’ve tired of them. It’s reprehensible to hate people who have done nothing to you and even if they have, vengeance and vindictiveness hurts your soul and your heart and will make you a horrible human being. Remember that. 

Mrs. Bergman