Your husband doesn't want to go. Listen to him!

You are such a nice person, Jackie. I get that you long for connections and good relations. It's the holidays, and you want your child to be part of a big family. You've been around the crazy for a long time, but it's been a hard year and you're feeling nostalgic for when things were better. BUT, you married a guy from a dysfunctional family who went on to have an equally dysfunctional first marriage, and there's a price for that. That means you will always have to be ruthlessly realistic and keep your boundaries high, wide, and thick.

How do I know this? Because I too married into dysfunction, and I too wanted familial closeness, especially when YSD came to live with us. We all backslide. But I'm telling you, snap out of it! It's Christmas, so OF COURSE skids are playing nice. Don't fall for it. Don't ignore what's true. And don't ignore the fact that even your H doesn't want to engage in what is basically reindeer games.

Amen to this!

Four years. Apologies flying. Has anything been discussed about the 4 years of alienation? Nope. Follow your DH on this one. If and when the reunification begins, stay out of it. Let your DH handle it. Do not engage with these people until you can see some changed behavior. 

My question. Regarding your SDs behaviors, if nothing has changed, is that who you want your 3 year old daughter around? To be impacted by their toxic treament? Trust me....just because she's a baby doesn't mean they can't be ugly or teach her ugly. Get out of your "feelings" and look at this from a realistic view point.

Christmas to make for your DD.  It's the first one that she will understand.  Let the parents , DH to deal with his DD.  What happens will happen.  Don't try fo force a situation, where SD runes christmas.  It's your DD first, and that not how you want to spend it. 

Personally, if it were me, I would stay far away from all of them.  Sorry, sorry, sorry.  Sorry doesn't undo CPS showing up at your door.  Anyone who would send CPS to my door, would be dead to me.  Forgiveness is one thing.  Reconciliation is another.  They don't always go hand in hand. In this case I'd say no.  Your SD tried to get your daughter taken away from you.  That would've been traumatic for your daughter as well as you.  Not to mention, depending on your job, that could've messed things up there too.  No. It's Christmas time, for all you know they could be angling for expensive gifts.  I'd stay away from this circus. 

I get it.  I would've loved for my bios to have a relationship with their older half-brother and for my daughter to have a big sister figure in SS's wife.  But SS turned out to be a lying ingrate and his wife a two faced, lying, backstabbing gossip.  Not the type of people I want as an influence on my kids.  

Trust sd and he is hurt by the lies etc.

the moment my sd's comtinually disrespected me and our 2 young kids, doing dangerous things with them and i brought it up with my husband late 2018, my husband was looking through his rose coloured glasses. He said i was imagining it.

i refused to attend any meets or have them be at our holidays. At one point ss demanded hubby take him and his sisters from exwife for an all expenses paid holiday during our 4th wedding anniversary weekend.

that same weekend hubby claimed he was too busy because of work was now free because skids demanded a holiday and my husband was stupid enough to message me from work to book the tickets and hotel, thats skids were coming for our wedding anniversary weekend holiday.

my firm response then was "NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

my husband was clueless and couldn't understand why i said no. I had to spell it out for him why on earth would i want such disrespectful, rude, abusive skids at our wedding anniversary romantic getaway so they could rant on non stop about biomum snd stepdad. I told my husband he would come back one day to hotel room and find me and kids had gone home and most likely divorce papers

not long after eldest sd who was almost 22.5 called my husband with fake tears blaming and guilting him for marrying me and having 2 kids with me because that was replacing them. Reality was they ended all contact for 5.5 plus yrs. hypocritically, bio mum was having an affair with her ex highschool sweetheart and married the guy days after divorce was finalised, in secret whilst skids were in school- they didn't even know biomum was hobagging around.
 

That somehow was ok but their dad meeting someone 5 plus yrs post divorce and exwife remarrying is totally not ok. Go figure that bullshit.. it has been 4.5 yrs and i have had no contact with sd's, never met them and my husband although he tried a few yrs back, has not attempted to sneak in a visit or outing with sd's to force them upon us since then. 
 

Your sd made serious accusations out of spite, your kid could have been taken away. Stand your ground, do not cave in. Unless she has made constant and aggressive changes and remorse for her actions, all she claims is all talk no action and even then your husband is still hesitant for a reason and keeping her at a distance. She crossed a line with him. Your daughter won't want a relationship with her half sister if she knew the lies she made to authorities t you and her dad

If your husband doesn't want to go,  I certainly would not go on my own. I wouldn't want my DD to see her half sisters until I had an opportunity to see sustained change.  If your husband doesn't want to see them, you probably won't ever see that. 

No one knows BM better than your DH in this situation. Let him take the lead. Start small and invite them to her birthday parties or larger family gatherings so that they can be around each other but not forced to only interact with each other. I would not set up playdates with the kids and their BM if your DH does not want to be there to facilitate. 

Don't ever forget that false allegation against you that could have cost you and your DH and put your child into foster care until resolved. 

DH's youngest daughter accused me (and him) of emotional abuse in an email. I was livid. I have clearances / background checks for multiple things I've done (working in the school system, volunteer at our Rape Crisis Center, do lay counsel in my church). That allegation could have cost me dearly. I handled it by telling DH I kept a copy of the email and that if his daughter continued her slander of me, I'd file a suit against her. And while she has nothing right now, she may in the future and whatever I win, I'll make sure to keep the lein going for as long as needed. (That's the chance you take, making a false allegation on someone who worked collections for awhile). Overboard? Probably so but it shut her ass down. Last I heard she was sending messages to me via DH - Tell Cajunmom I love her and respect her. <barf> I've not seen her in 8+ years  

I'm going to repeat myself....stay away from those people. They are your DHs kids and if he doesn't want to entertain their requests, you sure as heck don't need to.

Jackie, don't do it. I have a 4 year old and the last time her half siblings were around was the weekend she turned 1 month old.  She doesn't know them and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as possible.  The longer his other kids have only their mother to influence them on her own the more histrionic and disturbed they get.  They are not safe. They have been raised to believe a false reality. And they have been raised to be back stabbers....if they are being nice it's only to get something to use against you.  My husband's other kids are dead to me and I prefer that my daughter and I be dead to them.  They will have to prove they are trustworthy with zero drama and reconcile their relationship with their dad for quite some time before I would permit contact with my daughter.  My daughter is too young to be subjected to the mind games they would play with her.

combination of SKid character void and failed parenting by BM and DH.  At some point even kid victims of PAS own their own actions.  At 17+, if your SKids are toxic, that is THEIR choice. Manipulated or not.

Heed  your DH's advice. He is not going to expose himself to his toxic XW and her PAS'd minions even though they are his daughters. Why would you expose yourself and your 3yo that that PASing POS failed mother and her Harpy squad?  Even if they are supposedly family, toxic people have to be purged and kept purged. So purge.

There is a fine line between being forgiving and being a voluntary abuse victim serving yourself up on the alter of SParental martyrdom to BM's  and the SDs' proven toxicity.  You have no business doing this to your own child.  If  you are going to go have a meal with BM and the Harpy twins, leave your 3yo with her father and limit the consequences of  your bad decison to only yourself.

Remember, insanity is repeating the same decisions over and over again while expecting a different result.

STOP IT!

For your own good, for the  good of your marriage, your young child, and your family.

Good luck.

This is not on you.

Do not tolerate shit from any of them.