Help Me Stay Strong
So DW has now been crying for pretty much two days straight. I almost caved in when I came home from work since she was giving me the silent treatment. Then she said she understood my decision, and she apologized for making me feel guilty.
Then of course SD24 calls and puts our grandson on the phone. He was talking about how he was going to see us soon, so obviously SD24 has told him they were coming back here. SD24 got back on the phone, and DW broke the news to her that she can't come back here. Of course SD24 breaks down crying, which makes DW break down crying as well. SD24 says she'll "figure it out" and gets off the phone.
Of course I feel like shit now, but I am still trying to stick to my guns. I just feel like SD24 is never going to grow up if she is constantly bailed out time after time after time. I even told DW that if I cave and let SD24 come back out of guilt, I am going to be very resentful over it. I just wish SD24 would pull her head out of her ass for once and act like a damn adult.
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You are right, even my
You are right, even my mother-in-law said today that it's not our problem that SD24 kept driving with a suspended license and racking up tickets. I asked DW an honest question today. I asked "Don't you ever get tired of our lives and our marriage revolving around your ADULT kids? When is all the drama ever going to end?" She said that it doesn't seem like drama to her, just family.
Even as I type this, we are on standby because SD28 is due any day now to give birth to her FIFTH kid. Five kids, five different dads, and that doesn't include the 12+ abortions she's had over the years. Thank God she's going to give this one up for adoption.
I'm so mentally drained from all of this.
Holy crap! And your wife does
Holy crap! And your wife does not see a problem with this?
She will survive. It seems
She will survive. It seems terrible but your wife is scared of the unknown. She has probably never treated her daughter like this and is scared of the consequences or the 'what-ifs'. If the worst thing to ever happen to SD24 is to lose her licence for a while then she gets off pretty scot-free. What would be worse? Grandson getting terminally ill. You losing your job and losing your house. Give her a list of things that would be worse than your present stance.
I think the only reason DW is
I think the only reason DW is saying she understands is because I told her I would be getting my own place if SD24 moves back in.
Yep SD is 24 years old and was crying, like she always does. She is a master manipulator, always spinning a tale of woe and despair, and making things sound worse than they really are. The friend she is staying with is on Facebook, I've got half a good mind to send him a message asking him what is REALLY going on. I'm pretty sure she is just making excuses to come back home.
My BIL is 35 and a cry baby.
My BIL is 35 and a cry baby. He is currently living with FIL.
I commend you
I commend you frustratedstepdad. If my wife started crying her eyes out and pleading with me, I probably would have caved. My stepson cries so much, I don't feel anything. Nada. Zilch. But if my wife cries, I would feel like I am the most heinous man on earth....
Drac0 that is exactly how I
Drac0 that is exactly how I feel, I feel like a piece of crap husband watching my wife cry all the time. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
It seems to me, if your wife
It seems to me, if your wife really wants to help her daughter, she could take some of that energy she uses for crying and use it to guide her daughter in taking the steps to become self-sufficient. From afar, I mean, not by letting her move in.
There are all kinds of help out there for single mothers. Now, my SD22 couldn't be bothered to make the calls, after I gave her phone numbers for these agencies, so not my problem. But I tried.
She won't take any advice from me or my husband. She won't even open up a bank account, that would be a waste of her time. :?
She and her 2 kids moved in with BM after her divorce (she had no job or H.S. education) and she can live with BM forever, for all I care.
I will not let her move in with us. I would end up resenting everybody, and everybody would be miserable.
Stay strong and support your wife in helping her daughter in other ways. SD24 WILL figure something out if she knows she has to.
Not to speak ill of your wife
Not to speak ill of your wife Stepdad, BUT, these girls did not learn their manipulation tactics from the pine tree in the back yard. People do what works. Just as your SD knows that crying and using her son as a pawn works for her, your wife knows that crying and moping works for her.
isn't this always the ways things have played out in the past? SD acts like an ass, DW jumps to "help" her out of whatever shirt storm SD has created, ALWAYS against your wishes.. then the crying starts, Stepdad feels bad and caves and round and round and round ya'll go.
I hope you can stay strong! I know it's hard, but it's really what's best for everyone.
Yep DaizyDuke that's the
Yep DaizyDuke that's the cycle. That's how it played out last time. Wife was worried about where SD24 was going to live, started crying, and I said they could live with us for 2 months. I'm not caving this time. I am mentally drained.
"What gets rewarded.....gets
"What gets rewarded.....gets repeated".
I am definitely going to steal that quote from you lol.
Yes it is a habit, and this is why I'm drawing my line in the sand. I did my part by giving SD24, her boyfriend and the grandkid a place to stay for two months. I held up my end of the deal so I'm done. I will help SD24 as far as looking up resources and things like that, but I just can't let her be under our roof again.
My wife says she understands, but I have a good feeling it's going to be a long time before I get laid again....LOL.
good for you for sticking to
good for you for sticking to your guns! I rather be sex deprived than live in a perpetual hell in my own home!
LOL. I guess it's a good
LOL.
I guess it's a good thing I have Rosy Palm and her five sisters to help me out sexually.
}:)