Hilarious Snowflake Moment

G'day Stalkers,

Had a pretty good one with my SO today. Quick refresher, I live with my Significant Other (SO) and her son (Significant Other - Son, or SOS). I have been looking to get some landscaping done, and have had problems finding anyone to do it. During the course of the research, SO asked me if I was only looking for a landscaper, or if I wanted someone to do the landscaping, and then routinely mow it once it was in place. I replied that I figured I would have to have someone do everything, unless she or SOD wants to help with mowing (I travel for work 300 nights a year, so I am usually not home to do yard work).

Well, I had been texting regularly with SO, and getting responses from her. Once she saw the message where I gently hinted that SOD might be a good option to mow our yard, she went radio silent. I have "Read Receipts" active, so I know she read the message.

For context, SO and SOD live with me rent free, pay no bills, and do virtually no work around the house. SOD is supposed to put the trash out each week, but always forgets, and will occasionly do the dishes if SO harrases him enough, but that's it. He plays video games non-stop, and is only going to graduate because the school is pushing him through. He's worked a part-time job for a total of 2 weeks in his life, but quit because it was "too stressful." Mowing the yard for a little bit of allowance would probably be good for him, but I know that won't happen. Hence, I only made a gentle "softball" offer, which SO ignored. I know that if I pressed the issue, she would claim that this work would "stress him out" or "trigger his anxiety." She might even get mad and "Fine, I'll do it!" then never do it. So I know better than to press it. It was just funny seeing her clam up when I made a very low-intensity offer to get SOD engaged in the day-to-day running of our home.

paul_in_utah's blog
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sigh

*sigh*

You seem nice... I wish you would stop these people from using you.

Your SO and her kids have a

Your SO and her kids have a pretty sweet deal living in your house that you pay for but aren't even at except for a few days a month.

I'm not 100% sure of your

I'm not 100% sure of your story, I've read it a bit though. I have two questions: 1. what do you, you personally, get out of this relationship and 2. where will you be in 5 years?

Oh, there are some good times

Oh, there are some good times. We do have fun on the rare occassions when I am home. But she has been very clear about her daughter being her number 1 priority, and that I need to clear out and allow all the time that her daughter wants. I'm gone so much, it is not that big of a deal. On the rare occassions i get to come home, it does hurt when the daugther is being demanding, and I get put on the back burner. But it's not all the time.

I also get someone to watch my house while I am gone, which is worth something. They don't really add to my costs, since I would have these bills regardless. But it definitely frees up A LOT of money that my SO in turn blows on coddling her daughter.

On some level, I feel sorry for the daughter. She's been so thoroughly infantilized by SO that she will never be able to take care of herself. This contributes to her seeing no value in herself, which is why she settled for a loser boyfriend that refuses to take care of her or their baby.

My hill to die on is skids

My hill to die on is skids helping around the house and being contributing humans to the world (JOBS). I am not a maid and refuse to do all of the work. SS15 does other chores, but is also supposed to be mowing the lawn (DH put it on his chore list!), but DH doesn't make him. DH mows, but works a lot and sometimes the lawn gets long. If it comes up, he will say that I should do it. I say, nope, we have 2 teens and it's on one of their chore lists- I'm not doing their chores. He hates it but doesn't have much to say to that.

Sounds like your SO and her son have a pretty sweet deal.

They seem to be freeloading leeches

They're bums who stay at home and do nothing, no housework, no laundry and don't financially contribute anything towards household. You basically have deadweight there.

i was a stay at home housewife when i married my husband as i moved countries. We had 2 kids and i raised them, did 99% of housework, cooking, laundry for me and our kids (ss did his own) and i ironed hubbys work clothes.

hubby came home from work with a home taken care of and groceries ordered. Don't be suckered in by these leeches. You're forking out money out of savings and retirement for leeches who are not contributing to your quality of life or retirement.

I retired way too early,

I retired way too early, mainly to take care of my Mom after Dad died. Since then I'm the go-to elderly whisperer. Since my Mom passed, I've helped w/ his parent, his aunt, his neice's kiddo/divorce, etc. But because I'm no longer earning even a crunb of bread, I do the house stuff. I keep it clean, do the laundry, and on weekends we both pull our weight so we can be out at the State parks and ball park more often.

Give and take. But if it's all take take take on the part of one partner, is it fair to the one giving giving giving?

Is it the fear of being alone

Is it the fear of being alone that keeps you shackled to these types of woman? It's understandable you are not around so facilitating functioning relationships is going to be difficult. But choosing the toxic for a few measly days of "having somebody there" doesn't seem worth the headache these women cause you.

The thing about your posts is

The thing about your posts is that you don't even seem to like this woman. Your disdain for her is glaringly evident. I don't understand why you don't end it. She might have a chance to be happy with someone who won't despise her and begrudge supporting her. And you certainly seem like you'd be better off in general. You can hire housesitters, etc. Probably for a lot less than she and her children cost you. I travel a lot too, and have a great team of people who help me at home AND they don't drive me crazy on a daily basis.

Funny thing about that. She

Funny thing about that. She went through a phase when she felt like she was entitled to an "upgrade." She went out and got run through by a bunch of bad-boy alpha males, but guess what? None of them wanted to be in a relationship with her, and none were going to spend a penny on her, her kids, or her grandkids. All they wanted was sex, which she readily gave them. But she got nothing in return from them, so she came back to me. Not because she wanted me, because she needed me.

Yes, obviously I have hard feelings since I know I was her "fall-back" guy. I worked furiously to find someone else so that I could move on from her, but I have had zero success with that. The other few women available to me are even worse than her, and I'm not ready to embrace "loneliness with dignity."

She most certainly does NOT deserve "some one who won't despise her and begrudge supporting her." She is a cheater and titanic narcissist. If, deep-down, she really cared about me, I would feel even more genrous than I am (and I already do WAY too much). I am fine with a "traditional home" where I bring home the bacon and the wife runs the house and takes care of the kids. She won't agree to do that, because she wants to keep working. Because she knows that if I catch her cheating again, she'll come home from work one day with all her shit boxed up in the front yard of my house, with the locks changed. So she'll need that income to keep bankrolling her adult kids' bad choices.