I hate to break the bad news....

Forums:

The last time I posted on this site was 13 years ago. Fast-forward to now -- my husband died suddenly last May, and my 3 adult stepdaughters have cut myself and their younger (also adults) siblings completely out of their lives. The reason I'm posting this? If you're seeing red flags now -- it's not going to change.These women are in their late 30s. Disengage now and save yourself more BS.

I will tell you -- being blocked from their social media and having no contact has been PURE BLISS. My husband's siblings completely support me and know what I'm dealing with, and my husband was supportive while he was alive. I've been told by a Christian counselor to completely eliminate them from my life and NEVER let them back in -- and I will follow that advice. It's been the only silver lining in his passing. Not seeing the Grief Porn, Grandkid Porn, Victim Porn, etc. has been so freeing.

I'm Listening

All of DHs kids are adults (as are mine). After 12 years, I did a complete disengaging from DHs kids. Haven't seen them in 4 years. And if DH passes before me, I do not expect...nor do I want....to have anything to do with them afterwards. I'll see them at the funeral and then I'm done.

I'm sorry you lost your DH.....not easy. At least you can mourn in peace now though. Hugs.

My deepest sympathy for your

My deepest sympathy for your loss.

Being able to cut toxic people out of your life is a blessing.

Sorry for your loss

Sorry for the loss of your husband.

I think alot of us will never hear from our skids again if our partner dies. I'm pretty sure it will be over once the executors have split the assets. And the SSs aren't even that toxic

Sorry to hear of the unexpected passing of your DH

It must be so wonderful though to not have to watch all their 'drama' on social media! Now that you are free of them I hope you can live your life in peace

Sad to hear.

So sorry for the loss of your DH. Grief is a heavy burden and you certainly don't need SD drama on top of it. Be glad they have chosen to exit and you are right to lock the door behind them. I would hazard a guess that money/inheritance probably has something to do with it...

I've been around STalk for almost as long as you (10+ years) so I know from reading others' posts all these years that it usually does not change. (My SD's sole change went from being a self-absorbed teen to being a self-absorbed adult.) Thankfully I learned about disengagement and have been practising that for some time. My only hope is that those of us who have tred this path can lend some wisdom to those who are just starting the rocky road of steplife.

Thanks for coming back with your update. Feel free to post what has happened over the past 13 years, it may be helpful and therapudic for you. We certainly understand.

Thanks so much. Actually had

Thanks so much. Actually had nothing to do with money -- they asked about money about 3 hours after he passed and I was in a fog -- told them that when I die, it will be split among kids. I think it has to do more with mental illness, attention, and personality. They have always been mean -- not just to me. So relieved to be done.

My condolences on your loss

I went back and read your posts and musings. I too blocked Sd22 Feral Forger from when she lashed out at me last September 2021. She was mean, vile and accusatory. I had previously blocked her on social media because she shared things with Toxic Troll BM that she had seen, and Toxic Troll used it to berate Husband. So now no social media and her phone number is blocke so she cannot continue lashing out at me. Good for you that you have cut them out - they didnt deserve you, ever.

My advice -- not that I'm an

My advice -- not that I'm an expert -- is to keep her blocked. You don't deserve that treatment just for loving her father. People like this don't change. I know mean 80 year olds -- it's not like they grow up.

I am sorry to read about the

I am sorry to read about the death of your husband. (((HUGS))))

Similar to what other posters wrote above, I too have been on ST for many years. You are correct, it does not change.

Sorry, but congratulations

Sorry to hear about your DH. You are very lucky he ahd your back and will be able to look back on good memories with him. As far as your Skids, you are very lucky. As long as they are not trying to get money out of you, let them go.

I am so very sorry for the

I am so very sorry for the loss of your DH. I'm also so sorry for your experience as a SM, as common as it is. I've been a SM for 22 years. My SKs are now 26 and 28. After trying with them for nearly 20 years (I'm a slow learner. Lol.) I finally gave in and realized the SKs only care about what they can get from DH and me. They basically show up only for gift-giving occasions for them or for SGKs. They have and want no relationship with my and DH's bios, DS20 and DS14. I have learned to disengage to protect my heart. I do only what I want for my DH's sake. I have no doubt if something happens to DH first, I'll never see or hear from them again after they find out what they get from DH (currently, the court-ordered life insurance on DH for their benefit is still in place, at least for now.) I would not plan to give them anything else. I pray you can live out the rest of your days in peace. You deserve it.

I'm a slow learner too --

I'm a slow learner too -- please continue to disengage no matter what -- protect that beautiful heart of yours!

Thank you! ❤️

Sorry to hear your news

Sorry to hear about your DH. Thanks for stopping by here to give us an update. Just out of curiosity, what were the main red flags in the beginning for you that you wished you had paid more attention to or nipped in the bud earlier?

I still live in hope that my steps will mature with age....

how old

Hi how old are your skids, and what are their warning flags.

what is your situation.

The red flags were the sense

The red flags were the sense of entitlement, the false realities and their mom's behavior. These girls were mean to their peers and family members. I tried to nip it in the bud, but I really had no authority. It's sad to me that they have no redeeming qualities of their dad.

I see that in SD22 Feral Forger

Her sense of entitlement and scorn/disdain for her friends and family.

Same as what I'm dealing with

Same as what I'm dealing with; entitled, manipulative with family members (SO can't see it), mean and derogatory comments (SO doesn't hear it- thinks it's endearing), out of this world self centred, worship their BM.

You're free of them now. Yay!

Their ages are 40, 38, and 35

The red flags were the sense

So sorryto hear about your husband.

Sending so much love with sympathy.

Could i ask you a question. you talk about the skids other siblings. were they half siblings or step siblings to the skids.

thanks.

Half. I've told our kids that

Half. I've told our kids that they should keep the relationships with their sisters. They have said "no way--dad told us to take care of you and we won't tolerate our mother being treated badly"

thanks

so they bear no real love for their half siblings. interesting !

i have 3 skids and 1 dd, half siblings. she is 13. there are issues. many. i have been trying to dissengage for a while.

Ss 28 has recently blacked dd on all social media channels etc. even her phone number due to dissagrement with dh. im fuming and disgusted that he would treat a 13yo this way. she is beyond devastated does not know what she has done. i have told her its his issue. but at her age it makes no difference. i honestly wish she had never met him.

That's cruel to do to a 13

That's cruel to do to a 13-year-old. Evil people are typically the most cruel to those closest to them. It's hard for me to understand.

A wise person told me ..

A wise person told me ...there are different perceptions of kids who grow up in the same household...BUT there are also a set of facts...and many create their own set of facts, which you just gotta disengage from and remove yourself

I can

But im so worried for my daughter, x

its beyond Cruel.

Protect your daugther as much

Protect your daugther as much as you can. And...inform her -- let her know what to watch for and to tell you everything.

My condolences on your loss.

Firstly, I'm sorry for your

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss and wish you all peace going forward. Absolutely 100% disconnect from your late husbands filthy spawn. You are now free of them. Celebrate what you can-that!

I watched my husbands spawn ignore their dying grandparents and it was shocking the all out unconcern and empathy. But you'd better believe they helped their own mother pillage what she could from their mother's stepmom/their long time step grandma. It was disgusting to witness. So I have zero illusion that my own skids will ever care for me on any level should their father, God forbid die before me. Absolute opportunist trash they are.

My condolences on your loss. I know that must be just so hard.

So great you've been eliminated from their social media. I call it "anti social media" because you can delete, block, unfollow etc. Consider it a blessing in disguise.

Excellent counselor advice! Please adhere to that!

Best wishes.

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I hate to break the bad news....