Don't mind me...I'm just bitter
We overcompensate and do more for our SKs than our own -- many times at our BKs expense...why? They don't love us, care about us -- hell, some even want us out of the picture!
We worry about how they will turn out...if they will like us...why? We have no authority or say in that. We don't influence them.
We worry about what we say to BM and SKs, walking on eggshells and choosing the perfect words...why? They twist everything we say anyway.
We pray for their safety and happiness...why? They hope for the very worst for us.
We expose our BKs to SKs cruelty...why? They only want a relationship with our BKs when they are getting something out of it. SKs are too jealous to genuinely want BKs happiness and success.
We are up late at night writing posts like these...why? They are sleeping soundly or partying the night away without a care in the world.
because
you are a caring person
ALOT of us care too much that is why it hurts so much if we didnt care, we wouldnt be here we would be out partying with the BM.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
hmmm, no kids of my own but...
I don't really care about what BM thinks. My husband and I had to stop talking to her/block her number because trying to discuss anything with her is just futile. She always lashes out and starts an argument or says something completely rude and off the wall. As far as the SK's, I do what I do for the girls out of the kindness of my heart and when they act up, we call them on it. They are very unaccepting of the new marriage and situation, but anytime they give us crap, we sit down with them and let them know that they MUST show us respect at all times in our home. And if they act up in public or when their mom is around, we talk to them about it the next time they are with us. They are really starting to realize that bad behavior is unacceptable and they need to grow up and realize that Dad has moved on and life has changed. I mean, it's been 6 years since the divorce. Dad was bound to move on at some point!
It's tough and it sucks that the SK's are such brats sometimes but it's part of the package. Its easier to deal with/talk to them than it is their mother, so what does that tell you? She is incredibly immature and refuses to engage in normal conversation with my husband and I. Oh well, her problem...not ours. We will handle/control what we can. The rest, we just have to ignore it.
Have you tried sitting down and addressing these issues with your SK's? It really does help...but it's not a one time thing. You have to make it a habit to nip the issues in the bud as they occur. They eventually figure it out. Just takes time and effort. Let them know too that what they are saying/doing is hurting your feelings. And..."would they treat their friends or teachers like that?" Or, "how would you feel if someone said or did that to you?" My SK's are 12 and 15 (girls) and these things do sink in eventually.
Good luck!
not me
I don't have that problem with feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. I think its because I know I am not the one who created sk problems.
When sd tried to railroad me with a fit, I put her in her place, if there were any eggshells they are pulverized because I don't walk on eggshells.
It's her with the problems, not me... and I have no doubts about that, so its her that will have to walk on eggshells, not me as I am not tolerating her nonsense, even if it means I have to divorce H.
She is way out of line, way over the top, its her who needs to learn to tread lightly.
i wonder about that too
I work SO hard the weeks the SD are at home to make sure everything is fair, deal with non stop power struggles, try not to scream at the SD at the top of my lungs when they've bullied, stolen from or generally marginalized my BD's again. Bite my tongue from telling DH what a mess his children are and compare them to my BD's. The weeks they're home it's chaos, non stop fighting, mess, work and stress for me. It's been a process to check out and not have this affect my parenting of all of them, but esp my BD's.
I hope my BD's don't hate me for it someday. I'm not sure if the situation will be long term, but it's complicated right now. The weeks when its just me, my BD's and DH, life is simple, peaceful and uncomplicated. I try to enjoy every minute of that and encourage the girls to as well. Life goes back to "normal" tomorrow night- I cannot wait.
Funny how that works, huh?
Funny how that works, huh? Now that you recognize the problem, stop doing it!!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"