Oh BM would never allow DH to have SS if it involves missing a game, so that is a non-issue. 

I don't think a contempt case would get us anywhere. The CO states that football is priority over DH's parenting time, but it says nothing about it taking priority over BM's parenting time. The CO allows BM to move DH's summer visitation around to accomodate football and states that DH will lose Labor Day weekend visitation if SS has a game. So far, BM has followed those stipulations to a tee. I don't know what BM would actually be in contempt for outside of creating a double standard, which isn't really contempt. I should add that BM has sole legal and physical custody with 308 overnights per year. 

It's not worth it. We spent $30k and a year in court in 2019 to have the judge tell DH to "pay his CS and drop rope" because "kids need their mothers." Our request was simply for joint legal custody and increased visitation from 6 weeks per year to 10 weeks per year. BM drug out court proceedings by several months with false allegations of abuse and remotioned for several items to be added to the CO multiple times after they were dismissed by the judge. We were awarded absolutely nothing more. And we had hundreds of pages of evidence of withholding, PAS, and third party interference by the GF. This judge still presides over our case and he told DH prior to final judgement that coming back to court would be a costly mistake. He advised DH that he will never rule to change the CO until SS emancipates from the court system.

If we took BM back to court, even for something small like contempt, we would end up wasting thousands, like JMTB, on a losing battle and frankly we don't have the money or the emotional capacity to put ourselves through that again. DH and I are young; we both aren't even 30 yet - we didn't have the $30k to spend the first time. It took two years to dig ourselves out of the financial hole that court caused. And the emotional trauma of court and dealing with BM for the past 9 years is a whole separate issue that required extensive counseling for both of us. We don't need to be financially and emotionally destroyed again over a losing battle with BM. DH and I are expecting our own child this winter and we need to start financially focusing on our family and our future. 

I think BM's shenanigans have been at the forefront of our lives solely because we have spent so many years fighting for SS with no success. SS really has been the center of our universe for so long and we have spent most of our relationship waiting for him to visit and dreading when he leaves, knowing it will be months until he comes again. We suffered through years of daily abusive emails from BM and regular withholding, only going along with it in hopes that we could maintain a decent relationship with SS. DH and I have always spent our time longing for the missed first steps, the first lost tooth, the Christmas traditions we missed out on, the trick or treating we never got to do, the school events we were never allowed to attend, etc. so a lot of our energy has been spent wallowing in that loss of relationship and experiences, all while BM gets to do those normal family things. And BM knows this bothers us, which is what keeps her relevant.

BM has already faded into the background to a certain extent because instead of receiving lengthy, abusive emails daily, we now only hear from BM once every few weeks with occasional drama every few months. We haven't had a real "fight" with BM since spring. I think taking BM to court is what made her back off, solely because she used to threaten court action to get her way, and we finally called her bluff and took her to court instead, which she wasn't prepared for. We know that BM was shocked when she was served with the court motion because she told DH she was and felt it was cruel of him to not give her a "heads up." While court didn't grant us anything, the judge did have stern words with BM about the constant contact and butting her nose into our household, which I think has led to her backing off. I think DH's grey rocking has also helped.

I 100% believe that all of this will fade into the background once our daughter arrives. DH keeps saying it too. Every time BM gets petty and points out that DH missed another SS milestone that BM and GF were a part of, DH just says, "Soon we will have our baby and none of this crap will matter." DH and I are so looking forward to the normal, everyday parenting things that we get to do, that we missed out on with SS. We won't have the time or energy to focus on BM and her games. I know BM will likely freak out once she finds out I am pregnant, because that control over DH will be diminished if not lost completely. Her only leverage over DH is SS and the fact that she knows DH longs for these parenting experiences, all of which he will get to do with our daughter, rendering BM irrelevant. I am a little nervous to see what antics BM unleashes when she finds out but part of me also doesn't care. I just hope it isn't anything that puts our family in jeopardy (like false CPS claims) or more court. 

I am so happy I found this site and support from others who have been in the trenches too.